I had a bad day.

Yes.

My shower broke today. Don't ask me how but it did.
I swear I didn't do anything that I wasn't supposed to be doing...it just slipped from my hand, hit the wall and ....broke.
It was immensley traumatising.
I couldn't condition my hair because I didn't have A BLOODY SHOWER TO SHOWER OFF THE CONDITIONER.
Do you have ANY idea how traumatising that is? To me and my lovely luxurious (but now a tad dry) mane?!?

I'm a firm believer that the morning often sets the tone for the rest of the day -
bad morning = bad day.
good morning = good day.

I'm the sort of person whose sleeping system kicks in if I've been incredibly upset or scared..well, I slept today for a good 4 hours in the afternoon (something I can NEVER do, unless I've been heavily medicated or badly upsetted). If you doubted the severity of lack of conditioning, well doubt no more.

I went to get my eyebrows done today...once again immensely worrying time for me coz I usually do my brows myself and because the first time my mom pushed me into doing it, I had uneven brows for weeks.
Well.
The threading hurt like a bitch, but the good news is I look splendid! Just in time too..I've got a wedding to attend on Sunday and I hope to draw any poor, unsuspecting men into my web of seduction. It's all in the eyebrows.
We shall see. I shall silently and subtley seduce. You shall be updated. This time I won't have uneven eyebrows to foil my evil, seductive plan.

And this is the straw that broke the camels back.
I've been patiently waiting for Season 3 and 4 of Star Trek: The Next Generation, to download.
Both were 94% done...I check the progress about an hour back and.....it's gone. They were both gone.
Poof.
Vanished.
Dematerialised.
Transported.
Into thin air.



I am THIS close to snapping.
Seriously.
Shower breaking, I can handle.
Not conditioning my hair for the first time is eons, I can handle.
Mind-numbing-excruciating pain while my brow hairs are being plucked and plinked out, I can handle.
Star Trek episodes going from 94% back to ZERO- I CAN'T HANDLE.








I'm going to bed.

Oh all these INTERRUPTIONS!

You know you have major attention-span issues when you have an exam tomorrow and yet you find the lines on your palm more interesting that the stuff thats in the textbook.
It's been a shitty start to the week..I'm smack-bang in the middle of my exams and I CAN'T SEEM TO GET ANY STUDYING DONE!!!


So I'd like to assign the blame to things/people other than me (What?? It's NEVER my fault!*pfft*)

1) The weather - It's 4pm, the sun is supposed to be shining hard but it looks like it's friggin' 8pm. AND it's raining AND it's cold. Now HOW is one supposed to study when you have sleepy weather like that. YOU TELL ME.

2) I am so bloody STOKED for my upcoming Australia trip (yes AGAIN!) I can't get enough of that place and the lovely people there. Of course planning a trip like this requires a lot of planning and researching and day-dreaming. Once again- not my fault. (Oh shut up and nod.)

3) Kelso- he demands to be let into my room and then proceeds to make puppy eyes and stretches and rolls on his back (and he does this cute little thing where he pretends like he's digging the ground and sneezes when he's pissed off that nothing's being dug up...) ANYWAY the point is- I can't ignore him! It might emotionally/psychologically scar him for life! I HAVE to take a few minutes (hours) off to play with him.

4)Mom comes in and tells me that windbag Uncle M wants one picture of me to send to his nephew. I make the mistake of casually mentioning it to Dev who proceeds to laugh for a good 15 minutes. "Mahi..do you know why I'm laughing?? He wants ONE picture. JUST ONE. You have like a MILLION! It'll take you a month to choose the right picture- left profile? front profile? side profile? full length? half body? coloured? Black and white? candid? formal?"
Har-dee-har-har, funny man. Once again, I can't study because I too am too busy laughing my ass off coz IT'S TRUE- I COULDN'T choose one pic! I asked dad for his opinion and he's like "stop annoying me."
pfft. FINE. DON'T BLAME ME IF I SPEND ALL THAT STUDY TIME LOOKING FOR A PIC.

5) All my study notes have tiny little dialogue sessions/doodles. They are INCREDIBLY distracting.

6) Mom keeps interrupting me to tell me or ask me for goss. Once again I CANNOT be disrespectful to an adult (especially my mom) and tell her to buzz of. My parents raised a good kid, ok? So....we gossip and have some coffee.

7) I am in collaboration with someone to start a new something. More on that later. I don't really spend that much time on this collabo, but I am running out of excuses..

8)......um....my airconditioner is too cold.


OKAY OKAY I'M GOING NOW.

(wish me luck)

Blogger- SUCK IT.

You know whats really funny?
When you spend a good hour typing out a long, serious, well-written post and then you go to highlight everything, and then you press ctrl+c to copy it and then your hand accidentally hits the 'delete' button. Ha ha! I guess using keyboard shortcuts in the dark isn't such a time-saver after all, huh?


Okay that's not funny at all.

I hate you blogger. Why can't you get with the program and have an autosave feature.

Guest Blogger : 10 Truths About Mahi

In the spirit of going further to improve this blog in the hope that you- my dearlovelysweethot readers, will continue to have a good laugh at your stay here, I- Mahi, have decided that TLSITE (that's 'The Lazy Shall Inherit The Earth' for the acronym-ically challenged) is going to have guest blogger every now and then.

He is a fellow left-profiler (read: he has a bent nose too), a witty man, a ladies man and sometimes..even a man's man.
(lol.)

Without further ado..
I present to you- Dev, over from 'A Song Called Everything' with an entry titled : '10 Truths About Mahi'
(And since this is my blog, my comments are in italics)

10 Truths about Mahi

Guest Blogger: Dev

10) Laziness - As her blog title proclaims, Mahi is truly lazy. Currently sitting at 22 years of age without ever holding a permanent job, she plans to marry rich and "help out" around the house. We call it lazy, she calls it old-fashioned.

[Hello? Temp Jobs? And I call it 'being practical' :P]

9) Artistic - With all that "free" energy left from not holding any responsibilities, Mahi does possess rather creative talents. Her skills lie in her ability to sketch life-like images, but she strangely focuses a lot on naked female body parts...

[Females look more nice and are more interesting to draw. Sorry men..you guys are way too hairy and have way too many ...'dangly bits' it ruins the picture.]

8) Singing abilities - In addition with her artistic talents, Mahi can sing - Rather well. She's not shy about it either. Be prepared for an opening solo-sung "theme" on this website in the near future by Mahi herself.

[Can't argue. I DO sing rather well. :P]


7) Dress Sense - Over the years Mahi has exhibited rather interesting fashion trends from Leopard tights (eeks), to backpack purses. With a body that's built to flaunt it, Mahi rarely does (in front of her parents at least), but even the most innocent of tops require an array of pins and double sided tape to avoid you-know-what. I talk from experience! Its interesting she hasnt yet started dressing up her dog.

[The leopard tights were for a 'Spice Girls' lookalike-competition. Don't ASK. Thank you for the compliment Dev! =D And dogs shouldn't be dressed! That's just cruel..but chihuahuas deserve it.]


6) Her dog - Mahi's beloved Kelso (aka Tesco...aka dumb blonde dog) possesses the mental intelligence to match its owner. Kelso's ability to grow vast voluminous hair, stare blankly at anything, bark at anyone annoying her and be wildly attracted to random strangers - makes it a good partner in crime to Mahi. Rumour has it that if Mahi could teach Kelso how to change the channel, she would.

[...change the channel..fetch my shoes..get the door..flush the toilet..lol. I fell off the chair reading this one..its freakishly true!]

5) Star trek - For those that don't already know, Mahi has successfully watched 4 different shows of Star Trek each with about 4-7 series each. this is about 360 hours (or 15 straight days non-stop). Yes, she is a trekkie. And yes - she can do that Spock-hand thing saying "live long and prosper". Tip: for her next birthday she really wants a Star Trek Outfit!

[The outfits are sexy. I reckon I'd look good in it.]

4) Blogging - After completing her one-year anniversary, Mahi has successfully recruited a world-wide audience that seem to comment within 10 mins of any new post. Her new hobby assists her secret climb to fame as she attempts to be the number 1 blogger in Singapore. Mahi's only concern is "what will happen if my future in-laws read my blog??"

[Oye! I'm perfectly fine with not being No.1 Blogger! But I do fear that the day will come when my in-laws google me and find out more than I bargained for...*gulp*]


3) MSN - Recently its been discovered that at any one time Mahi will at least have 250 people ONLINE on her MSN list. This is hardcore. Yet she stills manages to always say "hello ensign" to me each morning.. With the hours spent watching star trek and chatting online, Mahi's ass has evolved to now fit the shape of her chair to allow sitting for indefinite periods of time without loss of circulation.

[Dev, dev, dev! Not ONLINE..just 250 on my list! AND DID YOU JUST CALL MY ASS...special? Awwwww]

2) Men - A rather unlucky area for Mahi. Like 22 year old champagne, Mahi is ready to pop. Unfortunately Mahi possesses the very common female condition of "confused-woman". Which is when she rejects guys that like her and chases men that don't pay any attention to her. So suggest your friends, your family members (ie. Brothers), yourselves (if available) for this worthy cause. Additionally, refer to point 10 if possible.
[LOL. I'm ready to Pop. Oh boy. And yes...guard your single, hot male relatives. They can run but they can't hide heh heh heh]

1) A Friend Indeed - As most of you will agree - Mahi is a valued friend. From crisis to celebration, from tequila shots to whinging online, from a walk in the park to a dance on the floor. She's always there (in person or online). Thanks for your friendship Mahi - and your hilarious (but sometimes too-long) blog entries. Keep up the good work and we look forward to more riveting blogs!

[Thanks! =D]


Cheers,

Dev

***

Thank you Dev! Looking forward to more hilarious, thought-provoking posts from you in the near future

=D

Keep it up!

*Addendum - Technically, since Dev wrote this post, he should be the one replying to the commenters too..so if you want you may address any comments to him

[But I'll reply too coz it's MY blog. nyaaah.]

Sorrow and Strength

To say it's been a disturbing week, would be an understatement.


Arpu's grandmother, was a lovely, quiet woman who never said much to us whenever we came over, but she would always walk into the kitchen to see if we were eating well, or if we needed more food ( we SO don't eat like birds, trust me). That was her way of showing us how much she loved us.
We would greet her with a loud "Hello Auntyji!"and she in turnwould greet us with a small smile, shake her head and laugh everytime I spoke in my hopeless-atrocious-disasterous-broken Hindi peppered with dramatic lines from Hindi soap operas or films.
It had always been like that since the past 6-7 years.

She passed away last Tuesday due to numerous complications. This was just one day after Mink and I had visited her at the hospital. Her mind was amazingly sharp, even through the morphine she remembered us - "Arpeeta ki saheliyaan" (Arpeeta's friends). And the next morning, we got the sad news.

The rest of the week went by in a blur- Arpeeta flying down from Melbourne, phone calls, the funeral, the tears, the formalities, the immense immense sorrow that hung in the air. The sorrow was truly heartbreaking. Keep in mind, the grandparents had lived with Arpu's family ever since her dad had got married.
The men in the family grieved the most. Men who walked straight and tall, now looked literally broken. Men who kept a calm composure even during the most trying of situations, knelt to touch her feet and then completely lost all that carefully built up composure- they were just children once again, crying for their mother. There was no need to keep up any walls or masks, it was all irrelevant at this moment in time.

How do you stop a heart from breaking?

I don't really know what this entry is for..maybe it's my way of dealing.
The grief was overwhelming but I didn't shed a tear..don't get me wrong, I badly wanted to cry with them, but I just couldn't. When I hugged the family members, I wished I could just...cry so that perhaps they knew how sad I was for them.
Not crying doesn't mean you don't care any less, right?
When people said that I was strong, I wanted to disagree- I didn't have to control myself or anything..
I. just. couldn't.


I didn't cry when my paternal grandmother passed away either But then again, I've always been one of those people who suffers from slow-reaction. Perhaps later on in time, something will act as a catalyst and then I can grieve in the way I want to.


As for Arpu..now SHE'S strong..truly one of the strongest people I've ever known. And I'm glad I met her in this lifetime.
I've always maintained that Arpu and I are cosmic sisters born to different families.
She being the older (nevermind if I'm a year older), practical, responsible one and me being the bratty, idealistic, annoying sister (who borrows stuff without asking and bugs her for lifts)
Sorry Arpu but you're stuck with me! =D


My poor parents...if only they knew that they got stuck with the weirder one. =)



Rest in peace Naniji.

Putting the "A" in 'essAy Assignment' =D

Mahi's Guide to Enhancing Student-Tutor Relationships


- Talk to the tutor- And I don't mean 'answer', I mean 'TALK'. Ask him how his day went. Ask him where he got his eyesore of a tee shirt from. Stuff like that. I know for a fact that tutors appreciate this.

- Smile at the tutor if you see him/her outside of class. We're not in primary school anymore. We're all adults here (well...most of us!)..and a smile can brighten up anyones day, didn't you know?

- Speak up in class- Singaporeans reading this probably know what I'm talking about..the whole class keeps quiet, waiting for someone to bail them out whenever a question is posed.
Why? It's not a bloody interrogation!
I get so annoyed when everyone just clams up. Too scared to draw attention? Okay, no problem, let me bail you out. It just gives me an avenue to show how much more memorable, extroverted and funnier I am than you. "Oh Look. There goes the Ray-of-Sunshine answering all the bonus questions."
Well-Too-damn-bad-for-YOU.

- Answer INTELLIGENTLY- If you don't have a clue, DON'T answer and make an ass out of yourself. Major brownie points are lost this way. Sure, it starts off funny but it just ends in a mess (much like my love life =D)

- Flirt. It's quite funny and it brings in a surprising amount of ease in a tutor-student relationship but needless to say, dont cross the line and um...don't go all 'basic instinct' on him/her (coz I have a feeling thats probably illegal in quite a few places)
Here's an example -
Tall, rather cute girl walks upto her tutor after a lecture and asks if she can collect her graded essay back. Tutor says she can, but she could also just wait for the tutor to collect it for her and return it during class, thereby saving her the trouble of going herself. Girl says "Thanks!" and smiles. Tutor smiles, winks and says "There's a labour fee for that.."
Girl looks over shoulder, smiles and says "Okay, any drink from the canteen is on me."
See! Simple, fun and juuuuust a teeensy weensy bit of flirting. It's not even that obvious, but it's there!
And for GOD'S SAKE. DON'T keep prolonged eye contact and/or lick your lips lasciviously.
Coz thats like..SO tacky.
(In case anyone was wondering - This pseudo-flirting was done AFTER the paper was graded, and um..Tall, rather cute girl gets an "A". Hypothetically speaking, of course.)





Oh boy. I so flirted my way to an "A".
(Or I could have just got the grade through my own merit, but we all know how I like to make myself sound so wanted what a gorgeous, seductive being I am! :P)

Happy Birthday Blog!

Happy Birthday Blo-og,
Happy Birthday Blo-og!
Happy Birthday Dear Blo-oggggg
Happy Birthday to you!

Wowie. I CANNOT believe it's been a year since I started whining/complaining, and you suckers actually went along with it!
=D
Hehe kidding! You know I love you guys (except for the few, rare anonymous Mahi-Haters...I hate you bastards. Go suck an egg.)

"What's happened in a year?" you ask?
Well, Let's take a walk down Memory Lane, shall we?

• Let's see..It all started on the 7th of April..my first ever ( and when I look back on it- TOTALLY lame) blog entry.
• I finally managed to articulate how much I love my mom and dad, despite our ever going love/hate relationship.
• Blogged about the weirdest thing Roohi has ever done, involving two strange men, a train and ghosts.
• Realised how annoying/entertaining kids can be.
• Had my first ever god-awful job but then had another pretty nice job too.
• Talked about boob-cakes and porn.
• Reached new heights of Narcissism =D (and loved EVERY minute of it.)
• Finally demonstrated what a real lazy ass-no good-cheap friend I really am.
• Kelso lost the right to celebrate Father's Day. Forever and ever.
• Lovingly wrote about my most vivid memory in Lagos (involves large amounts of rice and pigeon shit)
• Relived Melbourne Memories =)
• Briefly (VERY briefly) gave up alcohol.
• Understood Death a little better..
• Understood Love a little better....ooor maybe not!
• Understood Friendship a little better.
• Met the man who got me so steamed and hot and bothered (in a good way), that my glasses fogged up in the theatre.
• Realised (with surprise) that computer geeks got me hot and bothered. Kinky!
• Men, Men, Men.*Pfft*
• REALLY thought about the concept of 'home' and 'family' was to me..and realised I have a new Bollywood crush. =D
• Whined about how my birthday was gonna suck, but pleasantly surprised it actually turned out not-so-sucky!
• Let all of you see what a terrible haircut (haircutS?) I had when I was a kid.
• Realised relatives can be real assholes.

Aaaaand finally, realised that blogging is not for losers. =P

One year on...I'm still lazy and still loving it!

The Lazy SHALL Inherit the Earth, Baby, YEA!

Goddamned Template, I'm a Moron and Titty Talk.

'Tis with a heavy heart I write this...

Due to VIOLENT objections, I have decided to change my template yet again.

Actually the other day I accessed my blog via a PC at my uni library and when it opened I actually went "Say wuuuuuuuut?!" (in falsetto).

It was COMPLETELY wonky!

Now I know why some of you have had such negative responses towards it!
(I'm sure it has nothing to do with the flower or the bright colours, and if it IS too flower-y for you, then...sod off.)

So yes..back to the good ol' drawing board.
Stay tuned..and contrary to what my tone might be, I DO appreciate the feedback.


***

Now as many of you might know, I spend a good hour and a half travelling to uni, and another good hour and a half travelling back home.

That's a total of 3 hours.

But it's fine..coz I enjoy thinking/daydreaming and listening to my music..and most importantly I don't have to worry about making futile/annoying conversation..so it's all good..
EXCEPT-
when you spend all that time travelling and in the end you realise that your classes have, in fact, been cancelled.
Or as I'm realising now- you've mixed up your Tuesday timetable with Monday's.

So I waited outside my class..no one turned up.
And it sorta occured to me that the WHOLE class (including the tutor) couldn't possibly be 15 minutes late..in fact I'm the one who's always 15 minutes late.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moral of the story is, if you keep skipping your Tuesday classes, God WILL find a way to mess with your head and make you pay (by making you wake up early, travel and then ultimately feel like an IDIOT.)
I swear...I could just picture God chuckling, pointing at me and going "Luh-oooooosah!"

*Mahi shakes a fist*

***
At the Dinner Table -

Mom: This dish that Aunty X sent.. is awful!
Dad: So tell her then.
Mom: No I can't that's so mean!
Dad: Okay..
Mom : But maybe I should tell her. If she doesn't like dishes that I send over she says "Oh P! Honestly, That dish tasted TERRIBLE..I couldn't even swallow it." Can you believe it??
Dad: So tell her then!
Mom: Ya. I'm going to tell her! It's my revenge! Hee hee
Mahi : -while eating, mumbles- Yes..tit for tit. -chuckles to herself-

Mom and Dad: -silence-
Mahi: What? Why ya'll lookin' at me like that?
Dad: She worries me sometimes.
Mom: -nods-

Mothers, Flu Shots and Stinkiness.

Mahi is faintly annoyed and amused.
This is because Mahi had to wake up at 7am on a bloody Saturday morning to go with her mum and brother for a flu vaccine.

Aahh the flu vaccine. 'Tis a curious thing, this vaccine is.

It's highly recommended for people above the age of 65.
You might still get the flu even though you are vaccinated.

So basically I'm being injected with the dead flu virus, that may or may not guarantee that I'll never get the flu.
Such is life.

I bloody hate injections.

There was a lot of nervous laughing from my side as the nurse prepared the needle
"Wow, haha, that's a really big needle! Haha!"
"Haha, I really hate needles you know.."
"Haha ohh don't try and distract me! I'm studying psychology, Haha I know what you're gonna -ooowwwwwwwwwww"

So anyway, my brother and I both got jabbed on our right arms (coz we're lefties) and I wisely kept my distance from Mom.
You see, experience has taught me that my Mom gets violent when she's amused.
Having me AND my brother almost always amuses her coz we're both such a barrel of laughs.

Right.
Anyway, I wisely kept my right arm out of Mom's reach, my brother wisely didn't.

Brother: Yea so S's friend is half Australian and Half African.
Mom: Ohh ok!

5 minutes later

Mom: So S's friend is Aboriginese right?
Brother: -Incredulous look- Mom. Seriously? I just told you 5 minutes back he's half Aussie and half African..
Mom: Oh!! Hahahaa! -thumps brother on right shoulder-
Brother: -Incredulous look- MOM!! SERIOUSLY?!?!!?
Mom: Oh!!! You had your jab there! Hahahaha!

As she was chuckling away she came towards me, raised her arm to thump me and I just went "Ohh don't even think about it."


I sometimes seriously wonder if my Mom is a blonde. (Sorry to all the blonde's reading this.)

She once called over a bunch of her friends and their husbands.
Aunty N's husband, Uncle P started one of those deep, serious political talks.
Everyone was listening rapt..well almost everyone.

I glanced over at Mom and Aunty N, and saw their eyes glazing over.
5 minutes into it, Mom suddenly chirps:
"N..What time are you waking up tomorrow??"
"I think around 6.30am I think!"

Uncle P looked like he was gonna pop a vein-
"SERIOUSLY?! I'm having a deep conversation here..how can you interrupt like that??"

I thought I was gonna pop a vein trying not to laugh at all their expressions!
Mom just laughed and thumped Aunty N.

***

On a completely different note- I always wondered if it just my bad luck that stinky people ALWAYS end up sitting next to me on the bus, but yesterday..I was convinced luck had nothing to do with it.

It's a friggin' conspiracy I tell you.
I swear. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who sat next to me stank like they had shat themselves+not taken a bath in days.

What?
Is it me?
Do I wear a sign saying : Stinky People, Please come Sit with Me
Am I overly sensitive to smell?
Is it a case of 'birds of a stinky feather, flock together?'
-Mahi sniffs herslef-
No. It's NOT me.


What gives?
I don't get it.