17 April, 2006

Sorrow and Strength

To say it's been a disturbing week, would be an understatement.

Arpu's grandmother, was a lovely, quiet woman who never said much to us whenever we came over, but she would always walk into the kitchen to see if we were eating well, or if we needed more food ( we SO don't eat like birds, trust me). That was her way of showing us how much she loved us.
We would greet her with a loud "Hello Auntyji!"and she in turnwould greet us with a small smile, shake her head and laugh everytime I spoke in my hopeless-atrocious-disasterous-broken Hindi peppered with dramatic lines from Hindi soap operas or films.
It had always been like that since the past 6-7 years.

She passed away last Tuesday due to numerous complications. This was just one day after Mink and I had visited her at the hospital. Her mind was amazingly sharp, even through the morphine she remembered us - "Arpeeta ki saheliyaan" (Arpeeta's friends). And the next morning, we got the sad news.

The rest of the week went by in a blur- Arpeeta flying down from Melbourne, phone calls, the funeral, the tears, the formalities, the immense immense sorrow that hung in the air. The sorrow was truly heartbreaking. Keep in mind, the grandparents had lived with Arpu's family ever since her dad had got married.
The men in the family grieved the most. Men who walked straight and tall, now looked literally broken. Men who kept a calm composure even during the most trying of situations, knelt to touch her feet and then completely lost all that carefully built up composure- they were just children once again, crying for their mother. There was no need to keep up any walls or masks, it was all irrelevant at this moment in time.

How do you stop a heart from breaking?

I don't really know what this entry is for..maybe it's my way of dealing.
The grief was overwhelming but I didn't shed a tear..don't get me wrong, I badly wanted to cry with them, but I just couldn't. When I hugged the family members, I wished I could just...cry so that perhaps they knew how sad I was for them.
Not crying doesn't mean you don't care any less, right?
When people said that I was strong, I wanted to disagree- I didn't have to control myself or anything..
I. just. couldn't.

I didn't cry when my paternal grandmother passed away either But then again, I've always been one of those people who suffers from slow-reaction. Perhaps later on in time, something will act as a catalyst and then I can grieve in the way I want to.

As for Arpu..now SHE'S strong..truly one of the strongest people I've ever known. And I'm glad I met her in this lifetime.
I've always maintained that Arpu and I are cosmic sisters born to different families.
She being the older (nevermind if I'm a year older), practical, responsible one and me being the bratty, idealistic, annoying sister (who borrows stuff without asking and bugs her for lifts)
Sorry Arpu but you're stuck with me! =D

My poor parents...if only they knew that they got stuck with the weirder one. =)

Rest in peace Naniji.



Blogger Demi Goddezz did the happy dance and finally said..

:( may her soul rest in peace..

10:55 AM  
Blogger the wannabe indian punkster did the happy dance and finally said..

Im sorry to hear of your friends loss....and in many ways I guess its your loss as well.

*gives a big hug*

I hope you feel better. I really do.
Perk up chalu-sistah!

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

My deepest condolences to Arpu and her family and also to you princess....

You dont stop the heart from breaking, you cant, you just deal with it as best as you are able to, no more, no less...

When my dad passed away last year, I too didnt really cry, the pain was still there, but i didnt cry, not cos Im a man or that i was strong(far from it actually), its just that i have never seen the point in crying, it as yet, till this day, to ever make me feel betta.....my point is, we are all human, we feel grief and pain...but as individuals, we all deal with it in our own way, it doesnt make us any less human if we dont cry or does it make us more human when we do....

actually, i dont knw why im saying all of this but i think you knw what i mean and where im coming from...

Take care princess, just be the Sister that Arpu need right now...

3:40 PM  
Blogger Medha.. did the happy dance and finally said..

Hope you, Arpeeta and her family are doing ok now. :)

Take care babes!


7:02 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

demi - amen..

megha - it definitely feels like my loss too...thank u chalu sistah *hug* and yes..spirits are definitely better =)

rajesh - i totally understand rajesh..i personally feel that crying helps..but it sucks that i cant cry when i want to (if that made sense :S)

medha - i dont think its going to be easy for them ,but theyre good strong people =) they'll be alright..

8:33 PM  
Blogger surbhi seth did the happy dance and finally said..

I would like to convey my deepest condolences to the loved ones of the late Naniji. I'm sorry to hear about the loss, it's never a great thing. I had lost my maternal grandma way before I even placed my tiny feet on Earth, but I'm quite certain that this kind of loss is unbearable for some, whilst others can only pray for their peaceful afterlife.

My prayers are with her loved ones.

As for you Mahi... it's okay if you don't cry because you can't. Everyone has their own manner in which they act and react to various situations, and yours is the Mahi Way!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris did the happy dance and finally said..

i'm so sorry for your loss...

12:41 AM  
Blogger Leigh did the happy dance and finally said..

Sorry about yours and Arpu's loss. She is very lucky to have you has here "younger, bratty, sister" :)

I hope you are dealing ok... sounds like you are doing fine, crying or no crying. If anything it is good for you, in some way, even if its in this blog, to recognize that you indeed respect and remember Naniji. :)

12:51 AM  
Blogger Menagerie did the happy dance and finally said..

It's sad to hear about Arpu and your loss. I came to work today morning with a similar news from my colleague, his grandmother passed away over the weekend, and he was telling me how she and her husband had been married 68 years and how difficult it was to let go.

Sending postive vibes to you and Arpu's family..

12:57 AM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia did the happy dance and finally said..

I am so very sorry for your loss dearest Mahi! Crying is not always associated with grief and tears or no tears you have a right to yours...

Let it out your own way... All my love to you my dearest Ladee!

2:27 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

to all my lovely blogmates..thank u so much =) arpu reads this blog and she's incredibly touched !
-hugs to all-

9:55 AM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

mahi that was truly touching. Arpeeta and her family have suffered a great loss but soul now rests in peace. and i totally agree with you - arpeeta is amazingly strong and we're all lucky to have her in our lives, and she is lucky to have a friend like you too...

10:18 AM  
Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

When my grandparents passed away I didn't really feel much, as I was never that close to them.

But watching my parents grieve - especially my normally stoic dad breaking down - was devastating.

So yeah, I think I know how you feel.

3:11 AM  
Blogger Rohan Kumar did the happy dance and finally said..

Hope ur friend's doing better now ...... be the pillar of strength that only friends can be in these moments of emotional fraility

10:33 AM  

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