08 March, 2006

Blood is Thicker than Water - My Foot.

**Warning: Ranty Post Ahead**

So my mom's back from her trip and boy did she have things to say.
(She got me a couple of nice suits and jewellery too but all that stuff is irrelvent right now.)

I'm not a mummy's/daddy's girl by nature. Honest. I love them to bits but I'm not the sort to wake up bright and cheery every morning (ever), and plant a kiss on their cheeks and give them long, warm hugs.

I'm the sort who'll wake up, grunt, nod absent- mindedly while they tell me to clear up my room/study more/stop being such a lazy bum.
And then I'll ask for a cup of coffee.

Having said that, I love them.
And the quickest, fastest, easiest way to COMPLETELY piss me off is by disrespecting them.

And what pisses me off even further is when the antagonists are your own flesh and blood.
And of course its worse when they're your relatives coz you can't give back as much as you'd like to without burning 10,000 bridges in the process.

Take the case of Uncle A.
They visit Singapore and we visit them in the hotel room before taking them out for dinner.
Out comes the whiskey bottle.
Dad has a bit and he can handle his alcohol.
Uncle A has a lot and he can't handle his alcohol.

Soon he starts talking a lot.
Our expressions start going from mildly amusing to 'shit-I-can't-believe-he-said-that' to slightly alarmed and we finally end up with an uncomfortable awkward silence. Dontcha just love family gatherings?

Half of his statements came out as terribly racist, homophobic, xenophobic and everything-else-phobic. My blood was boiling.
And the cherry on the cake?
"People who can't make it in India, always go overseas and show themselves off as big people when in fact they're just actually third rate citizens in another country!!!"

Everyone else in the room coughed, pretended to ignore what he said and started up their own conversations.
I just stared at him.
"Uncle, isn't your own son in Country X?"
"Yes, yes but that's different."
"I see."
I opened my mouth to say more but my Dad stopped me with a glare.

My mom who was in India, had to deal with nasty relatives who kept making snide remarks and statements in the comfort of their own homes.
To them I'd like say "No one needs enemies when they have relatives like you lot.Oh and go screw yourself."
My dad told me "You have a lot to learn. It's not easy to tell people off like that."

I may come off as young and idealistic but I say "Bullshit."
It's as easy or as difficult as you want to make it. And that's the bottomline.
You begin and end relationships with people all the time. It only seems harder with relatives because society has made you believe that in the end your relatives will be there. It nonsense and no one has to live with it.
I'm living, breathing, raving, ranting proof.

Who says relatives will stick by you?
Who says you can turn to relatives in times of need?
I know friends who'd give a right arm for you and relatives who'd say "Uh, sorry..my right arm is busy in a meeting."

I'm pissed off.

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Blogger memphis did the happy dance and finally said..

do u by any chance take out ur frustration on kelso?

9:14 PM  
Blogger Grafxgurl did the happy dance and finally said..

OKKK>.. you just set ME off on a rant!

i have terrible relatives.. the kind that just HATE it when another sister or brother has done well in life.... my dad's side has always been poor.. and through all of it the girls all married rich fellows and my dad worked his way up to where he is now.. in aplace where his 4 bitchy sisters cannot stand to see him in...i dont know why im saying this coz i havent said it anywhere else on my blog or anyone else's for that matter but they singlehandedly made my mom's life hell when my parents wanted to get married. .....including my grandma... my dad's mom...

i knew this when i was 15 years old, coz my mom's sis blurted it out to me one day.....

since then.. ive given them "what for" the second they have tried to "rule" over me.. ive always been the straight A kid.. and always been the darling of the entire clan, so i use that as an ace card to put them in their places... no one.. NO ONE tells me what to do coz i will lay all their shit bare... and i HAVE done it....having said that.

how they treat me.. is a different matter.. they do NOT disrespect my mom any more now.. they've had enough lip from me for that...they KNOW they cannot say a single word to me either coz of my dad..thank god for heirarchy.

its the kids who have to stand up for their parents...you know.. or for any other else for that matter...or tell off relatives.. coz they wont give a rat's ass about you...in our family.. our friends have been there for us.. when our family should have..

well i dont give two hoots for them.
just watch.. at my wedding.. theyre gonna be at their best behaviour..lol.. ONLY because of A.....and they know what id do if they got on my nerves.

9:51 PM  
Blogger surbhi seth did the happy dance and finally said..

Sweetie... they're just hating!!! Don't mind them... they're bitter 'coz they're probably not satisfied with their current situation... and seeing the situation of Indians living outside India... might make feel like they haven't been fully successful as yet! That's when those lines sprout out from their mouths! It is personal.. but be the better person... while they just keep boiling in their own jealousy issues.

I've always been told that my family and relatives will always be there for me... but I haven't really had a chance to put that idea to test. Perhaps someday!

I feel you.. but cheer up gurl.. don't fret over this!

10:15 PM  
Blogger Contented did the happy dance and finally said..

Bravo^^!! Good to see a revolutionary young women...=) be cautioned...=)

1:05 AM  
Blogger MaK-D did the happy dance and finally said..

relatives can be jealous lot and talk crap...but do remember whiskey also talks funny sometimes....
i know what you mean ...i have plenty of relatives whom i wanna shoot....actually surbhi we are the relatives who will always be around to help ...they are the ones who will always need help and then runaway from us when we need help

1:18 AM  
Blogger GettingThere did the happy dance and finally said..

Hi Mahi! First time on your blog. I've been reading it and I must say I loved all the posts I have read so far. That said and done, this post brings only one thing to my mind - "God gave us our relatives. Thank goodness we can choose our friends!!" Yeah - I know where you are coming from - have similar relatives :) Necessary evil, maybe?

6:09 AM  
Blogger ~TVS did the happy dance and finally said..

I understand and I agree, but take a breath....

10:07 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

paras - no :P i love my dog, but i do take it out on other people! :P u know who

grafx - this is scary coz ure family story sounds a whole lot like mine!!! my mom had such a tough time too in the beginning! thank god not all my cousins are as bad yours...oh grafx! my blood boils for u!
yep all these fair-weather relatives are super nice at weddings when they know they have to make an impression...at home its a completely different story.

surbhi - alot of them are definitely haters..and which is why i get pissed off when my family has to bend over backwards to accomodate them..apparently we're the only ones interested in maintaining family ties with no ill blood. bah!

contented - yeaaa! watch out evil-doers!!! *Xena Warrior Princess war-cry*

mayank - lol the whiskey only disinhibits a person. which means people just say whatever theyd normally not say. i liked what u said about us being the good relatives...too true!

getting here - welcome and thank u! haha i like that saying...thank goodness indeed..theyre one neccessary evil i could without. 1000's of miles away and they still manage to tick me off!

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

take the chill pill mahi ... life is such .. really doesn't matter what they think and say ... y get into something that's instilled in them for years. let be n let go

where there's a will, there are hungry relatives

4:48 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

tim - im ok im ok... =)

abhi - haha i like the last bit! ya know right now theres not much i can do apart from letting go..im just waiting for the day we meet.
right in the kisser.
nah im kidding..im not the violent sort

7:21 PM  
Blogger icy_highs did the happy dance and finally said..

families suck but theyre so cool.

2:39 AM  
Blogger Tanmay did the happy dance and finally said..

Hi ! Nice blog... Keep up the good work.

5:11 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris did the happy dance and finally said..

"mildly amusing to 'shit-I-can't-believe-he-said-that' to slightly alarmed"

yes, I definitely know the feeling! my father-in-law says some weird stuff when he's drunk!

10:05 AM  
Blogger Drops Of Jupiter did the happy dance and finally said..

Relatives are all scum.


12:31 PM  
Blogger DewdropDream did the happy dance and finally said..


you've just about voiced what i felt over the years... and the eternal refrain from mom "they'll be around in times of need" ...hmpfh!!! i guess we juts ught to show partiality... be ultra nice to the ones we love and are assured of their presence.. and make the rest KNOW they're less preferred

11:16 PM  
Blogger Nahuatl did the happy dance and finally said..

Blood(y) relatives - I make my own friends, and not take them as someone to rely on.

Sad, but it is true that we learn a world by looking at our own "big" family.

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

My good relatives vs bad relatives is split right down the middle.

Mom's side: good.

Dad's side: eeeevil. Oh not my Uncle but his wife is evil enough to give Freddie Krueger nightmares. She hates our side of the family with a passion. For no reason. It makes for good times at work I tell you. Good times.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mint Chutney did the happy dance and finally said..

My dad's side did not like my mom at all when my parents married. Now many of them snuggle up to my parents hoping to borrow money or some such nonesense.

Most relatives gossip because they have nothing better to do with their time. Luckily there's always that chosen genuine few that make up for the others.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

icy highs - yup :P most of the time..welcome!

hey tanmay.,.thank u! do visit again

dawn - u know...someone should video tape them when theyre drunk...now THAT would probably make them stop behaving so weird

jups - YESS!!! icant believe i forgot to blog abt it hahah i felt like such a proud mommy (the article is framed btw)

dewdropdream - if i had my way....i'd make it extremely obvious that theyre very disliked..but u know...there are always bridges that u cant burn as much as ud like to!)

nayan - very true...we do look at the world based on experiences with family...but thankful itsworks the other way around too...

jenna- lol ure comment made me wonder if we're from the same family :P

minty - yea u know like oprah said..'when uve got money..suddenly everyone becomes a relative' so so true..
yea thank god for the few nice ones around!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Kay Richardson did the happy dance and finally said..

my uncle's a twat

7:28 PM  
Blogger Leigh did the happy dance and finally said..

You're right at the end there. I love my family dearly, but in my everyday personal life, it's my friends who I KNOW will be there for me in times of need.

I am lucky enough to have a HUGE family on mother's side and we all get along wonderfully. Needless to say, I don't think any of them would let me go hungry or homeless. In that case, I know they'll be there for me. Never discount the unity of blood ties... they also be a blessing. :)

11:36 PM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia did the happy dance and finally said..

It is a very Indian and Iranian cultural thing... there are rules of etiquette that must be followed and because things are supposed to be a certain way you have to shut up, play the game and take it.

Loverboy has a harder time seeing bullshit to that but after a lifetime of that shit, I... AM... DONE! My family, my way... so with them no games, as soon as anyone dares bring up shit or spew out utter BS, it is on! And boy does it feel good!

I am right there with you Lady Mahi and totally understand the frustration! At some point cultural bullshit needs to take a second seat (if not get out of the car and just LEAVE for good!) to common sense and personal dignity...

2:48 PM  
Blogger Avyakt did the happy dance and finally said..

Blook is thicker than water, which is why it does not flow as easily as water does.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

kay - oh i feel your pain, dear, sweet, goodlooking kay.

leigh - true they are definitely a blessings..and well not all my relatives are so bad..there are the super nice ones too...i know theyll be there for me..as for the nasty ones..i honestly would love to not have anything to do with them!

miz b - SO true..the rules, the game playing, the hypocrisy...bah!!! personal dignity baby..those are the key words..im ALL for personal dignity!

avyakt - wow i liked that! =D very cool

8:59 AM  
Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

As a kid I loved my relatives. Now that I'm grown up (well, sort of) I hate almost every single one of them. But I don't tell them that, of course, as they give me money every Chinese New Year.

12:18 PM  
Blogger 4WD did the happy dance and finally said..

hello again. everyone has a good/ bad side of family. My good side buys me cool clothes and electronic stuff from abroad. My bad side bitches about my mom and buys me sad-ass clothes and says i'm too young to own a car and says i should get over wearing only branded stuff.

ah well.

7:07 PM  
Blogger KJ did the happy dance and finally said..

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:02 PM  
Blogger KJ did the happy dance and finally said..

Chill yaar, relax....take a deep breath... count from 1 -10000000000000000000000000000000000000000
and forget the relatives...




4:04 PM  
Blogger Sponge Girl did the happy dance and finally said..

Mahi, you kick ass.

The only person who has ever said "blood is thicker than water" to me was my aunt, immediately after she had told me to leave my partner because "it won't work out anyway" (read: "he's a foreigner and while I have nothing against them as a whole, if you stay with him you'll move overseas and that's baaaaad").

Blood may well be thicker than water, but it sure ain't necessarily better.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

jay - as a rule, its generally ok to be nice towards people who give u money =D i'm all for it! i wont tell..rest easy

4wd - lol u SHOULD get over wearing only branded stuff :P

kj - im cool baby! happy holi to u too and all my indian friends out there!

spongey- heeey u! wow ure aunt really knows what makes u happy eh? :P
u should have told her to stuff it. i know i know u cant but still! it definitely isnt better most of the time!

9:58 PM  
Blogger White Magpie did the happy dance and finally said..

I ususally have a two word reply for such relatives which I use with aplomb regardless of age or s e x. That shuts them up permanently. Mebbe that's why I am visited by a select few *kheekhee*..Tch!! Is a pity ye have to abide by the norms and be a goodie gurl..Wot I would suggest is ye take a sippa the whiskey and puke ye feelings..Ye can always say "Hic!! Oi was drunk n didnt know wot I said"..

7:11 PM  
Blogger politically_incorrect_guy did the happy dance and finally said..

It is very difficult to generalize that friends are better or worser than relatives... the only difference is that we can choose friends, but we cant choose our relatives... but there is always a judgemental error. Even friendship is never 100% selfless. Any relationship of any kind has some kind of self interest, only thing is people who are in their teens do not realize that untill they age into their mid twenties and further.

5:35 PM  

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