Pearls of Wisdom!

Sometimes the weight of the world just dumps itself on your shoulders and you get inundated with meaningless information, right?

Well, not to worry..
I, Mahima, have TRUE AND ABSOLUTE pearls of wisdom that will make this crazy world a lot more clearer.

Trust me.

So my brother had a bad cough, and someone asked "Do you know why he's ill?"
I know it's because of a virus, but out of a wicked desire to hear an alternative reason, I ask "Why?"

"Because he washes his face with the water from the shower..the water from the shower shouldn't hit your face!"


I was, as you can very well imagine, wide eyed and speecheless for a good 15 seconds before exclaiming completely straight-faced "Are you serious??"
"Yes!" says the Authority-On-All-Things-Shower-Related.
"I did not know that!"
At this moment I'm killing myself trying not to laugh. My nostrils flare when I try to stifle laughter and right about then you could have driven a double decker bus through them.

So my Dad comes in and he gets asked the same question and gets the same reply.

Only this time my Dad lacks my delicate subtlety and laughs his ass off.
And walks off saying "You're nuts!"


Other Pearls :
"Lights should be switched on ONLY after 6.30 pm!"
This was told to me as I went to switch on a light at 6.15 pm. After pausing mid-step to digest this, I pretended like I hadn't heard it, and proceeded to defiantly switch on the light.
Yeeeeah I'm the proverbial rebel without a cause :P

"Signals of Good Luck will make business better!"
This was repeated 5 times because everyone listening had a blank 'Say wut now?' look on their face. 5 repetitions later we nodded and said "Oh ok..yea..that.."
We still don't know what the hell that means.

"You're fair because you eat oats for breakfast"
Once again, this is exclaimed like it is a fact of life. Once again I exclaim innocently "Are you serious??". Once again I'm looked at like I'm a dumbass with a vacuum occupying the space between my ears. Once again I chuckle inwardly but say humbly "You know..I think you're right."
What?
Refute that claim?
And lose the chance of chancing upon more pearls of wisdom?

HELL NO!


Aaaaaah I LIVE for these moments.
:D

Spirits are up!

I am in good spirits today despite knowing that my exams are coming (and I think I'm taking it too easy) and despite knowing that I'm coming down with a sore throat.

I'm happy.

Happy that Arpu's down.

Happy that right now, at this very minute, I'm halfway done with the VERY LAST ESSAY of my university life.

Happy that I may be going out on Saturday night and getting happy-tipsy. It's so sad but everytime Arpu's away it's like I'm on this self-imposed abstinence from liquor. It just isn't the same without Arpu.

Happy that I've made a new friend...what? Don't 'Yeaaaa RIGHT'-me. Friends make me happy. Why is that so hard to believe? :P

Speaking of friends, my dear friend Rishi called me up from Ithaca, where he's doing an exchange.
Rishi - I hate saying this. Mahima. I miss you.
Mahima- I miss you too. Let's not tell anyone we said this stuff to each other. This is worse than that time you suggested we go see a RA movie.
Rishi- Yea. That was weird.
Mahima- No kidding. Thank God we didn't go. What the hell were you thinking?
Rishi - Sorry
Mahima - 'Sall good.

I love my friends :D

Happy that by the end of the coming fortnight my Dad would have returned from Switzerland, armed to the teeth with LOADS OF QUALITY CHOCOLATE IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES (but mostly dark chocolate, coz that's what we love here..none of that namby-pamby Cadbury milk chocolate rubbish)
You should know that Chocolate is good for health. Especially dark chocolate. And no, I'm not in denial. Shut up.

I'm trying really hard to cut down on my bad language. Don't ask me why. I feel like Ned-didley-fiddley-doodle-Flanders.

Gosh darnit.
This was such a 'Dear Diary' post.
*Mahi shakes herself*

Back to the essay now.
Happy Belated Easter, everyone!

Dude Looks Like Doctor.

When my mom first talked to my brother about taking up medicine as a profession, he seemed really unsure.

"But Mom..sometimes my hand shakes..like this - *Held out hand and twitched it slightly*- What if I'm in a surgery and I slice open an artery?? I'll get sued for malpractice!"

My mom told this to my genial, jolly doctor who chuckled and said "Tell him to become a gynecologist..the women will love him."
They burst out laughing and I..I, of course, tuned out and went to a happier, less traumatizing place.

Anyway Point Is - My brother got accepted into medicine!
(The Uni name and stuff will be kept under wraps for now)

It's heartening to know that good looks AND brains run in the family.
Heh heh heh heh hehhhh

So just as I start to think "Wow..my brother's pretty brainy...who knew?", I get this call from him -

Bro - Eh...Guess what? I got into an accident
Mahi - What!?!!?

This accident took place in Dubai, where he stopped over, on his way to the interview place. Apparently he went on his 'Desert Safari' thingie where you get to ride dune buggies in the desert. Carrying on..

Mahi - What!?!!? What happened??
Bro - I was riding the dune buggy right, and I crashed into a small tree. Now I've got scratches on my face (this is a big deal to him..he can give Derek Zoolander a run for his money) and a small burn.
Mahi - ....Let me get this straight. 1 day before your important interview, you decide to drive a vehicle you've never driven before...
Bro - Huh huh huh huh (that's how he laughs)
Mahi - ......you also manage to find a TREE in the middle of the desert to bump into!?!?
Bro - Huh huh huh I was trying to avoid a sand bump!
Mahi - Idiot! Its a desert!! What did you expect to find there?? Water? So to avoid it you bump into a tree?! Possibly the only tree in the entire desert?
Bro - Huh huh huh huh yeah..


So...he gets to become a doctor..but he's nutty enough to find a tree to bump into.
In the middle of the desert.

Good Grief.


Oh, oh Medha just reminded me!
Before my brother went for his interviews he would bug me to coach him.
And me being the giving, gracious person that I am, I would oblige (and then inform him that he owed me. Big Time.)
One of the questions I asked him "If you were to resettle on Mars, what are 3 things that you would bring along with you?" (I swear..this was a question that had been asked before)
Bro - I would bring a never-ending supply of oxygen. A steady supply of water...
Me - ...and?
Bro - A woman. To repopulate Mars. Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh

Good looks AND Brains run in the family?
Add 'A sense of humor' to that list ;)
hehe

Selling my Hair and Talking to Idiots

I recently cut my hair.
It's been long overdue.. I think the last time I cut it was about a year back.
I know, I know: Holy Split-ends, Batman!

Anyway the over-zealous but extremely sweet Irene, who's been cutting my hair since the past 7 years, happily chopped off a good 3 inches.
I gulped slowly when I saw the end result, but figured that there wasn't anything I could do about spilt milk (cut hair?)

So a few minutes back the very engaged but slightly odd Dev told me that I should pull a Britney.
He dared me to sell my hair online.
He thinks you guys would actually buy it.

Camaan! You guys are too stingy to buy my ART, there's no way any of you would buy my hair!

Or would you?
:S

Remember, it was Dev's idea.
Also if you really do want to buy my hair, for whatever reason (I don't need to know), do let me know. I'm sure we could settle on a good price.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go chop off some of my Barbie dolls hair and dye it brown.

***

I am really pissed off.
A few months back I bought an mp3 player with my own hard-saved allowance and what do I find? It stops working after the first time I charge it.

What. The. Hell?
This isn't what I signed up for!

I called up the company to complain and the guy says "Oh it probably isn't working because it is small and it may have a couple of loose parts.."

HEY BOY-GENIUS. IF IT HAS LOOSE PARTS, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SELLING IT?

Calm down, the paranoid of you - I didn't get an iPod.
I should have.
Buggery.


And speaking of geniuses, I called up a popular Pizza take away place a few days back.
Now this is a place I call really often. They have my number, my name and my order (which never ever changes)
And yet....
Mahi - Hi, 1 large veg pizza with the stuffed crust. I don't want any tomato chunks or pineapple pieces on it please.
Woman - Huh?
Mahi - No pineapple and tomato pieces on it please.
Woman - Ohkaay...so you want our new Herb and Cheese pizza?
Mahi - ....No...I said I wanted a veg pizza...
Woman - Oh okay...so the Herb and Cheese with tomato and pineapple pieces..
Mahi - No...no, no. Look..I want a large vegetarian pizza...but skip the pineapple and tomato topping...and please make it stuffed crust.
Woman - Yes Ma'am...so large veg pizza..
Mahi - Yes..
Woman - stuffed crust...
Mahi - ..Yes...
Woman - with no topping except pineapple and tomato.
Mahi - ......

At this point I actually checked my phone to see if it was properly plugged in.

Mahi - I am going to repeat my order again okay? Can you hear me clearly?
Woman - Yes Ma'am.
Mahi - Okay. Large. Vegetarian. Stuffed crust. NO pineapple and tomato on it.
Woman - ......*mumbles to someone*
Mahi - Hello?!? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?
Woman - Sorry Ma'am, could you repeat your order?

W.t.f?

Mahi - Okay that's it. You're obviously not listening to a word I'm saying. I have ordered this 1 million times before and no one has ever had a problem understanding it. Could you ask someone else to come on the line because for some reason, you refuse to understand my order.

Another lady came on the line, I quietly repeated my order, she said "Got it!" and that was that.


Seriously!? How hard was that?
I hate it when people are mean to waiters but this was seriously pushing it.
What would you have done?
Was I too mean?
Am I going to Hell?
Did I just get someone fired?
Am I asking too many questions?

Overheard conversations. Mostly involving me...Overheard by me.

Phew, has this year gone by fast or what?

I thought about doing a recollection of everything important that happened to me this year, but I think I'll forgo that mostly because
1) I'm assuming you've been faithfully reading my posts to know what's happened.
2) I'm too lazy to do it. Now, now. Don't chastise me. Look at my blog's title. That should've given you a fair bit of warning.

So let's instead indulge in a bit of easy chit-chat..okay more like I'll tell you of a few interesting conversations and you read and nod and say "Aye..aye..been there. I feel you sistah!" and other such nice things.


Mink - Mahi, you're such a fussy vegetarian.
Mahi - I know! I've been told that so many times. Are you a fussy vegetarian too?
Mink - I don't know..am I?
Mahi - Okay...Eggplant?
Mink - Ohmigod I LOVE eggplant
Mahi - I hate it...Lady's finger?
Mink - I LOVE lady's finger!
Mahi - Yuck. Too slimy. Pumpkin?
Mink - I'm not too fond of it actually
Mahi - Oh pumpkin is okay when it's in pumpkin soup...Potato?
Mink - I love potato!
Mahi - Me too!! Yaaayy!!
Mink - Yaaaay!!
-Mahi and Mink actually flutter fingers together-
Mahi - Okay, okay what abouuuut tomato?
Mink - I like it!
Mahi - Oo I don't mind it but not when it's chunky
Mink - Mahi you don't like authentic Chinese food anymore right?
Mahi - Yea I'm a bit turned off by it. I developed a sort of taste aversion to it after puking once
Mink - What about tofu?
Mahi - Omg I love tofu!
Mink - Reeeally???
Mahi - Yes! Especially black pepper tofu! What about yoghurt?
Mink - I love yoghurt! I could eat a whole tub of it!
Mahi - Nyehh..I'm okay with yoghurt..just a 2 or 3 tablespoons...no no wait maybe 5 tablespoons....

At this point we here a thunk and we turn to see Kunal (Arpu's brother, who happened to be sitting at the dinner table with us) thumping his fist on the table and then holding his head in his hands and laughing. But I think he was laughing not coz he was tickled but because our conversation was driving him nuts.
"Jesus. You guys would have gone on and on and on. What's wrong with the two of you?"
Arpu was just shaking her head. I think she was wondering why exactly she had called us over. No scratch that, I think she was wondering how we even managed to reach her house in one piece.

Mahi - Mink, is today Tuesday?
Mink - Wait, tomorrow is...Wednesday..so..-calculates- Yes! Today is Tuesday!
Mahi - Yaaaayy!!

In our defence, Tuesdays is when we get half-priced waffles and icecream from Gelares. You have to be VERY SURE it's a Tuesday in order to actually not pay wayyy too much for waffles and icecream. You would be very careful about calculating what day it was if you were in my place, right?
Right?
..........Right?


Mink - -while listening to the radio- Mahi, why isn't Usher releasing any new songs??
Mahi - -sarcastically- Should I call up his manager and find out?
Mink - -sarcastically back- Why don't you just call up Usher himself?
-Silent moment as Mahi realises that this is an unprecedented event. Mink rarely screws Mahi over and if she does, it's not a very good attempt-
Mahi - Awwwww Mink you screwed me over! I'm so proud of you!!!
Mink - Me too!!!!!
-Mahi and Mink do fluttery hands thingie-

Arpu found this stomach-clutchingly hilarious when this happened..after she got out of the car, Mink and I looked at each other. "What a loser." "It wasn't even that funny." "Yea."
We're such juveniles. Who woulda thunk that Mink is gonna graduate with a major in Mathematics, me with major in psychology and Arpu a major in biochemistry (or something like that..I'm still not sure what her degree is..Arpu what the hell is it that you do anyway?)


Sharul and I were having a conversation on men.
Sharul - Mahi, there are going to be some pretty hot guys at this club you know..
Mahi - I know..problem is the minute they open their mouths to talk, you just want to kill yourself.
Sharul - You should just tape up his mouth and rape him then.
-Mahi and Rishi, who's incidentally Sharul's boyfriend, just stare at her for a long time, in stunned silence-
Mahi - What the hell have you two been doing together?
Rishi - Honest to God, I have no idea where that came from.

All of us were just a bit disturbed that night :P

We were all invited to Roohi's one night for dinner
Roohi - You guuuuys! I made the dinner! Every single dish! I hope you guys love it!

Upon arriving we were astounded to see a spread of dishes....and a salad consisting of chopped up lettuce and carrots.
Mahi - Wow Roohi, this stuff tastes amazing! How on earth did you manage to make all of this?
Roohi - - smiles delightedly and ignores question- Have some salad!
Roohi's Mom - Haha! She didn't make all this...I did! She made that -points to the salad that no one had touched yet-
-Roohi stops smiling and everyone tries their best to stifle their laughter-
Nirav (who incidentally is Roohi's boyfriend) - -slowly reaches out a takes a leaf of cabbage and munches encouragingly- Well.........the cabbage tastes....great..
Mahi - Hehehehehehe
Roohi - Bitch.


Ahhhhh God bless my friends, I love em all I know I don't say that as often as I should.
However I have one bone to pick with them.
Will you assholes (my gang..not you lovely dear readers) please stop going out on couple dates so much and REMEMBER your sole single friend every now and then??!?
I swear to God, I think I'm gonna end up a sad angry spinster who spends too much time baking and lives in a house with too many dogs.

Nah I'm kidding. Of course I won't be mad. After all, I'll make sure I have gorgeous young toy boys spending lotsa quality time with me.

:D

Happy New Year Everyone!
Don't forget to break that New Year's Resolution that you just made ;)

What? Racist? Me? Nawww

People sometimes are really daft, here's an example-
The following is a conversation between Prema (who by the way can be blamed for my black and white photos) and I. Have a conversation with her and hilarity inevitably ensues! Over here she's at work and her colleague is the topic of discussion.


Prema- My colleague's feet stinks and she's the only Tamil girl I know who thinks fasting for Thaipusam means eating chocolate bread...cos its not real food.

Mahima- HAHA

Prema- And she was like "Oh if I am at home I can fast but I'm working so I cant." So I was thinking 'then how does the Muslim population do it?'
Ok ok, i must tell u this! Hahah the other day she feels it necessary to inform me that she is racist, so she says "Oh I don't like Chinese cos they look down on Indians." So I said "Oh ok." Then I went onto say how Indians themselves are hypocrites cos different communities within Indians look down on each other too.

Mahima- Yea! then??

Prema - She didnt understand I think..cos maybe 'hypocrites' is too big for her.
So I asked her "Why?"- she said "dunno".
I asked "Has any Chinese person done any harm to u?"- she said "no".
I said "Do u know any Chinese people personally?"- she said "no".
Then I was like ok..and then I preached about how she cannot call herself a Hindu if she's going to be racist...and then she delievers the PUNCH LINE- we were walking back and she was like
"Oh I fell down yesterday at Bugis..it was really bad..twisted my ankle..and this Chinese lady helped me up"

Mahima- good lord.

Prema- I was like "....." *sound of wind blowing, leaves rustling* and she said this following her racist comments.. and she wasn't regretful or anything! Dramatic irony man!

Mahima - no kidding!

Prema- And she tells me, when we were eating kebabs, she can't eat too much lettuce cos she might FAINT.

Mahima- I ACTUALLY just laughed out loud! What the fucccccccccck?

Prema - She says "No la Prema, I really cannot do it."
***


Can you believe this girl?? Maybe the lettuce gives her too much gas and hence the fainting spells.
*Shakes head*


Another example, this time involving me and a classmate during lecture-


Classmate - Eh, you're Indian right?

Mahima - Yep

Classmate- *giggles* Okay lah you're not like VERY Indian so I tell you this ah... Eh, you know..sometimes Indians are really smelly!

Mahima - *Lo-o-n-g silence*.... Oh really? Are we? [At this point I feel I must point out two thing- 1) What the hell is 'VERY Indian' and 2) she wasn't making some snide remark at me, coz I make sure I never smell, at least not when I'm outside.]

Classmate - Ya lor! Wah, why ah?

Mahima - Honey, your people smell too. Everyone smells. I'm pretty sure all people have stunk at one point in their lives. [At THIS point I'm biting my tongue VERY HARD to refrain myself from telling her that she's stinking RIGHT.NOW. but hey- who's keeping track, right?]

Classmate - *At this point she starts to realise that MAYBE she might have said the wrong thing to the wrong person* Oh ya ya of course..I mean I just came across a few people here and there..you know..

Mahima - Ahuh. *Tunes out*
***


Oh boy. You get ALL sorts, eh?

Wedding Invites, anyone?

Okay, so here's what was happening - My darling friend Mink's sister is getting married, so it naturally fell upon her to do the delivering of the wedding invites. And me being the darling that I am, I offered to keep her company.
.
.
.
Boy...I'm not kidding when I say that had to be the single most entertaining day of my LIFE!

Before I launch into The Story, I must lay some groundwork-
1) I never realised before that it was customary to offer (forcefeed?) sweets and other savouries to the deliverers of the invites..I was soon made aware of this custom.
2) Older Indian men talk A LOT.
3) When in doubt about what is being said, it is wise to always smile and nod. Do NOT make them explain what they say, for they will do so in Great Detail.
4) I think the talking fatigued me more than the travelling (which was done in a car- airconditioned). We must have spent about an average of 40 minutes in each house.
5) Most importantly- never ever EAT before visiting. At the end of such trips, you will feel as if you are bursting at the seams. It's very unflattering.

Okay let's start at the start.


First house we visited was fine.

Second house was NOT fine.
At home was a Sindhi man. Between 60-65 years of age. Balding. Nice straight teeth (dentures?). Talked alot. In Sindhi, of which I only understood a smattering.
So we came in, Mink, him and I exchanged the usual pleasantaries..and then it began.

To say that this man was proud of his house, was a gross understatement.

In between dumping food into our unwilling hands, he showed us every nook and cranny (newly furnished), every bedsheet and pillowcover (always matching) , every cupboard and drawer (brown with gold lines), every toiletseat and towel hanger (green with sea shells on the inside), every drink (a lot, he made a couple of drink jokes which I didn't get), every God picture (drinks and God pictures were in the same cupboard, which I thought was a little retarded and blasphemous), every light switch (seriously he felt the need to give us a demo. come on man,how hard can it be to understand a light switch), down to the drawer handles and the type of cutlery (from Japan) he had...God he showed us EVERYTHING in it's mind numbing detail.

With great glee he showed us his massage chair. He hopped into it. I'm serious. He Hopped..like a kid with ADHD, laid down straight and pressed a button. The leg rest shot out, his slippers flew and hit the TV and the back rest went all the way back.
And all the while he had this scary, crazed smile.

He then gave us some chips to eat and disappeared for two minutes.
Mink: Let's pretend like we're eating it
Mahi: Okay!
-Rustling of bag, "Mmm this is delicious!", noisy dusting off of hands-
Our sneaky ploy didn't work. He came back with MORE food and I'm not joking when I say this...he forced the sweets into my MOUTH. He bypassed the hands altogether.

He then started talking to me in rapid Sindhi. I just smiled sweetly, waited for him to finish and then I said "I'm not Sindhi."
He looked put off.
Then we got saved by the bell..literally. Some furniture guys were at the door..this was our chance!
We bid him goodbye, he didn't really notice, he was too busy being annoyed at the furniture guys..so we left..with chocolate wafers in our hands (which we later disposed off because we were too full and they had gone soft.)


Next house we went to had this nice lady. She has two sons - X1 and X2. Mink told her about the wedding and how people were putting up dances. Then Mink said "Aunty, get X2 to do a dance!"
My smile froze and I turned to Stare at Mink. Did she not recall.......
"I mean, X1 is so good at dancing, we saw him dance last time at so-and-so function..I'm sure X2 can dance as well as him!"
Mother vociferously agreed.
My smile was still frozen. Apparently Mink recalled....that X1 danced...like he had hit an invisible electric fence.
She turned and smiled at me. I still don't know how that cow could control her laughter..just thinking of X1's maniacal dancing sends me into hysterics..but I bit my tongue, nodded and diplomatically said "Yes. X1 dances well."
Mother vociferously agreed again.

Oh how I cursed Mink.


The next house we went to, had a chatty old man who was married to a young thang.
When I say 'chatty' I actually mean 'didn't-shut-the-hell-up-for-5-seconds'
He asked Mink when her turn for marriage would be and she gave him a vague answer and then he turned to me
"And you??"
"Haha, I honestly have no idea, I have to find me a man first!"
"Oh come on! You're so pretty and with your personality, you shouldn't have a problem!"
"You'd be surprised." I chuckled and shrugged..and then thought 'Well, he's RIGHT.'

It was then when he took it upon himself to be the Seeker Of My Groom.
He said "Tell me when you're ready -wink- I already have a boy in mind."
I laughed and said "Thank you.." and then laughed some more when I thought of my mother's reaction to finding out that I was getting married to a Sindhi boy found by a complete Sindhi stranger.
His wife however, whispered with great Hostility "Uske liye already ek ladki hai." (We already have a girl for him.)
He just waved off what she said and continued to look very pleased with himself.
After a l0ng talk about the political scene in Singapore, psychiatry and psychology and husbandry, we left.

(I must say I was very impressed that none of the people went "OOoh! So you can read my mind!" when I told them I studied psychology. If I had heard anyone say that ONE MORE TIME, I'd have gone NUTS and said "That's called being 'psychic'. Dumbass." )


The next house we visited was one of a popular man. He wasn't home so we had a little talk with the wife. She was handsome, simple and spoke well. Her eyes and smile held great intelligence and humanity in them. I felt immense respect for her.
She told us sadly that if she had a choice she would have never got married at all.
"I'n pretty sure Uncle loves me, but I'm indifferent." She said very matter-of-factly.
She cautioned us against entering marriages with our favourite pair of rose-tinted glasses on..."..but I'm jaded already"
She smiled wistfully.

She told us horror stories about her mother-in-law and she said she told her kids that they didnt have to get married at all...hearing such things that were polar opposites of everything that I had grown up hearing, was a bit of a shock.
I felt sad for her because I felt she deserved better. Sure, no one needs to be in a great marriage to be happy but I couldn't help feeling that she was someone who badly wanted to know love, even now.
My own parents, who've had their usual tiffs, are still very much in love.
But it was good for both Mink and I to hear about what she had been through. I think we received an important education in those 45 minutes..the mood was very serious.
We bid her goodbye and gave her a hug.


The best visit was the one where no one was home. We passed the invite to the maid, and high fived each other.

We visited more houses, but those had some semblance of normalcy that we were used to.
But the men still talked incessantly. And they still insisted we eat.



I honestly think the talking fatigued me the most. And the smiling. The constant smiling made my face muscles feel like they were going to drop dead.
I went to bed, and I think the second my head touched the pillow, I fell asleep.
I had the most seamless, deep sleep I had ever had in a long time.

Goddamned Template, I'm a Moron and Titty Talk.

'Tis with a heavy heart I write this...

Due to VIOLENT objections, I have decided to change my template yet again.

Actually the other day I accessed my blog via a PC at my uni library and when it opened I actually went "Say wuuuuuuuut?!" (in falsetto).

It was COMPLETELY wonky!

Now I know why some of you have had such negative responses towards it!
(I'm sure it has nothing to do with the flower or the bright colours, and if it IS too flower-y for you, then...sod off.)

So yes..back to the good ol' drawing board.
Stay tuned..and contrary to what my tone might be, I DO appreciate the feedback.


***

Now as many of you might know, I spend a good hour and a half travelling to uni, and another good hour and a half travelling back home.

That's a total of 3 hours.

But it's fine..coz I enjoy thinking/daydreaming and listening to my music..and most importantly I don't have to worry about making futile/annoying conversation..so it's all good..
EXCEPT-
when you spend all that time travelling and in the end you realise that your classes have, in fact, been cancelled.
Or as I'm realising now- you've mixed up your Tuesday timetable with Monday's.

So I waited outside my class..no one turned up.
And it sorta occured to me that the WHOLE class (including the tutor) couldn't possibly be 15 minutes late..in fact I'm the one who's always 15 minutes late.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moral of the story is, if you keep skipping your Tuesday classes, God WILL find a way to mess with your head and make you pay (by making you wake up early, travel and then ultimately feel like an IDIOT.)
I swear...I could just picture God chuckling, pointing at me and going "Luh-oooooosah!"

*Mahi shakes a fist*

***
At the Dinner Table -

Mom: This dish that Aunty X sent.. is awful!
Dad: So tell her then.
Mom: No I can't that's so mean!
Dad: Okay..
Mom : But maybe I should tell her. If she doesn't like dishes that I send over she says "Oh P! Honestly, That dish tasted TERRIBLE..I couldn't even swallow it." Can you believe it??
Dad: So tell her then!
Mom: Ya. I'm going to tell her! It's my revenge! Hee hee
Mahi : -while eating, mumbles- Yes..tit for tit. -chuckles to herself-

Mom and Dad: -silence-
Mahi: What? Why ya'll lookin' at me like that?
Dad: She worries me sometimes.
Mom: -nods-

Mothers, Flu Shots and Stinkiness.

Mahi is faintly annoyed and amused.
This is because Mahi had to wake up at 7am on a bloody Saturday morning to go with her mum and brother for a flu vaccine.

Aahh the flu vaccine. 'Tis a curious thing, this vaccine is.

It's highly recommended for people above the age of 65.
You might still get the flu even though you are vaccinated.

So basically I'm being injected with the dead flu virus, that may or may not guarantee that I'll never get the flu.
Such is life.

I bloody hate injections.

There was a lot of nervous laughing from my side as the nurse prepared the needle
"Wow, haha, that's a really big needle! Haha!"
"Haha, I really hate needles you know.."
"Haha ohh don't try and distract me! I'm studying psychology, Haha I know what you're gonna -ooowwwwwwwwwww"

So anyway, my brother and I both got jabbed on our right arms (coz we're lefties) and I wisely kept my distance from Mom.
You see, experience has taught me that my Mom gets violent when she's amused.
Having me AND my brother almost always amuses her coz we're both such a barrel of laughs.

Right.
Anyway, I wisely kept my right arm out of Mom's reach, my brother wisely didn't.

Brother: Yea so S's friend is half Australian and Half African.
Mom: Ohh ok!

5 minutes later

Mom: So S's friend is Aboriginese right?
Brother: -Incredulous look- Mom. Seriously? I just told you 5 minutes back he's half Aussie and half African..
Mom: Oh!! Hahahaa! -thumps brother on right shoulder-
Brother: -Incredulous look- MOM!! SERIOUSLY?!?!!?
Mom: Oh!!! You had your jab there! Hahahaha!

As she was chuckling away she came towards me, raised her arm to thump me and I just went "Ohh don't even think about it."


I sometimes seriously wonder if my Mom is a blonde. (Sorry to all the blonde's reading this.)

She once called over a bunch of her friends and their husbands.
Aunty N's husband, Uncle P started one of those deep, serious political talks.
Everyone was listening rapt..well almost everyone.

I glanced over at Mom and Aunty N, and saw their eyes glazing over.
5 minutes into it, Mom suddenly chirps:
"N..What time are you waking up tomorrow??"
"I think around 6.30am I think!"

Uncle P looked like he was gonna pop a vein-
"SERIOUSLY?! I'm having a deep conversation here..how can you interrupt like that??"

I thought I was gonna pop a vein trying not to laugh at all their expressions!
Mom just laughed and thumped Aunty N.

***

On a completely different note- I always wondered if it just my bad luck that stinky people ALWAYS end up sitting next to me on the bus, but yesterday..I was convinced luck had nothing to do with it.

It's a friggin' conspiracy I tell you.
I swear. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who sat next to me stank like they had shat themselves+not taken a bath in days.

What?
Is it me?
Do I wear a sign saying : Stinky People, Please come Sit with Me
Am I overly sensitive to smell?
Is it a case of 'birds of a stinky feather, flock together?'
-Mahi sniffs herslef-
No. It's NOT me.


What gives?
I don't get it.

A normal conversation between Mahima and Dev.

-Begin Conversation-

Dev says:
u watchin Battlestar Galactica yet??
im up to season 2 finale! its sooo good!

Mahima says:
hehe noo devster i havent watched yet...exams are nearing

DS says:
excuses!
shame on u!

Mahima says:
nooo
im serious mate

Dev says:
mahi - so lazy she cant even be bothered watching a tv show.
now THATS LAZY

Mahima says:
lol
new heights of laziness,even for ME.
hahaha
no no its just that,ive got a shitload of work to do,and im really knackered at the end of the day

Dev says:
And its not like u have a job/bf/extensive studies/sport =P

Mahima says:
OOH THANKS ALOT ASS
i hope u get diarrhea from arpus cooking.

Dev says:
HAHAHA
in fact,what do u DO mahi??
what exactly do u DO for 16 hrs a day??
LOL

Mahima says:
u know its weird
my parents ask me the exact same thing
its like time just swishes by, and i look at the clock and go "say wuuuuuuut?" *falsetto*

Dev says:
"what shall i blog about next"
"ooo 5 pm.....toilet time!!"

Mahima says:
5pm toilet time??
thats like so bad for ure body man
its a bad habit

Dev says:
hahah, ur quite a mystery.
for someone that has a lot of time,u dont do much!

Mahima says:
hey i do a lot ok.
look im like sooo way ahead of guys.
im spending time doing some valuable envisioning for the future,i am psychically making the world a better place.

Dev says:
.

Mahima says:
shit even i dont believe that

Dev says:
hahahah loser

Mahima says:
ure the lamer who went to a bollywood dance class for WOMEN

Dev says:
shutup.

-End Conversation-

This sort of thing goes on for hours sometimes. And then we end up making fun of Arpu :P
(I hope she doesnt read this.)



Aaah good times, good times!

=D


***
Apoorva - Many, many Happy returns of the Day!
I'm glad I met a friend like you.
God Bless Blogspot!

Indecent Proposals (sorta)

I have the weirdest tutor.

We were discussing child development and discipline and suddenly he goes:


"If you need any help in making the child ah, feel free to call me heh heh heh."

Now if my tutor had been some hunk with a nice ass and delicious good looks and I've been the first one to say "Number please?"
But in reality, my tutor happens to be a 50 year old, pot-bellied, (sorta) toothless man. Complete with pants below stomach and all.
-Gag-

And I caught him staring at my chest MORE THAN TWICE.

Lech.


Speaking of pervs..
Don't ever go to Clarke Quay when the American Navy (no offence to any Americans, Navy guys or American Navy Guys reading this) is in town.

My friends and I were at a well known club, when a slightly drunk group of them came up to us and asked us to watch their drinks while they went off somewhere. So I said "Ok, sure."
They came back in about 10 minutes, said their thank yews and one of them held out his hand and looked at me smiling.
I was like "Huh. What?"
Then I thought "Ohhh he probably wants to shake my hand. I should do my part as a warm, friendly Singaporean and be nice."
So I stuck out my hand.
And he held it........
and held...
and held....
And I thought "O-kay..its getting weird now." and I tried to pull my hand away.

And then the freakshow KISSES it.
And gives me a drunken smile.

Okay. I'm not THAT friendly, buddy.
-gag, gag, GAG-
"Cheque please!"

We relocated to another club and had another couple of drunk Navy men try and make friends with us.
I swear..we really don't look that friendly. Honest!!!!




Now, why doesn't the same thing happen with me but with sober, good looking men (straight) who aren't looking for a lay?

Desperate House-...daughter?

What a week it's been!

You know, I did a very dry post before this one, read it through and thought to myself "Shit. Even I wouldn't want to read that voluntarily."
So out the window it went!

What's been happening, eh?

Well for starters Mom's in India right now.
You wouldn't believe me if I told you why.
(Once again, the following can only happen with THIS family.)
My mum's friend is going back to India for good. This friend has 2 dogs (both stinky, whiny and totally without bladder control) and 1 cat (far too aloof for my liking).
Now this friend and her husband want to take the animals with them in the cabin.
But here's the catch. The plane only allows one animal per person. So guess who got a free seat to India??

Lucky MOM!

Sheesh. Some people have all the luck. A daughter like me...a free ride to India...bah!


So I'm left to play house with three males who have issues.
My brother has the sniffles. So my dad was like "Let's make him that home remedy that your Mom makes."
I was like "Cool let's do it!"
And we both just stood there...
"Er..how do you make it?"
"No idea, Dad."
"Ok, let's try putting a bit of this...aaand a bit of that.."
My poor brother actually has to drink that.

My dad's become the house-husband version of a backseat driver. I don't have to elaborate. You get the idea.

Kelso has had yet another haircut. I don't know what we're feeding him, but his hair grows SUPER fast! We need to shave his hair off every 2 months!













Before..............................and .............................................After

I could be wrong, but he looks mighty unhappy about the haircut. I had him sitting and just balefully staring at me for 20 minutes before I noticed he was being far too quiet. Of course I had to go cheer him up by telling him he looked gorgeous and I still loved him and he was the cutest doggie in the world.
Men!


Oh I've also had hols for a week. These hols are deviously named "One Week Break" when in fact they're meant for you to CATCH UP on your readings..which obviously means no ones done didley.
All I'm close to finishing is Season 7 of Voyager.
Speaking of Voyager, I think I might be watching too much of it. I actually had a dream I was being assimilated =S And what did I do?
"Uh uh. You are NOT assimilating me." -Ghetto headshake and finger wag-
Stop laughing (and stop thinking I'm nuts).


You know I was chatting with a friend recently and he casually mentioned I'm a lot like Monica from Friends.
I pride myself on being more of a Phoebe, so naturally, I had strong objections.
And then I remembered something..

Remember the house guests? The ones that could have potentially ruined my birthday?
Well, when they had come, they all used the bathroom.
[Slight Digression- I am EXTREMELY particular about bathrooms. Chances are my room, my desk, my cupboard will be a royal mess but my bathrooms will be spotless and sparkling. You know how they say "Judge a man by the shoes he wears"? Screw that. Judge him by the condition his bathroom is in. You won't go wrong.]

So when I needed to use it, I entered and I was stunned. Not in a good way. Stunned in a bad way. Very bad way.

A Great Scene of Devastation met my eyes. It was....horrendous.
There was muck everywhere. There were dirty footprints. Oh god..I can't go on.
Then something snapped in me. I shut the door quietly.
I came out 10 minutes later. My mom came up to me "Where were you?? What were you doing??"
I just pointed to inside the bathroom.
It was clean.
It was beautiful once again.
There was equilibrium.

OH GOD.
I am SO Monica.


One last thing that's been on my mind.
How much do you guys trust your instincts?
How is it that we immediately trust Person A so implicitly and not Person B (considering context, circumstance etc etc was the same)?
Usually I know immediately if I'll become fast friends with them or make annoying small talk and then wait for one of us to f.o. (In this case I'm usually the first one to buzz off coz some people just don't have a bloody clue and still persist with the agonizing small talk..it KILLS me!)
What goes on in our unconscious when it comes to making snap judgements or judgements guided by our 'instinct'?


Just some food for thought..


Enjoy the weekend.......and keep that bathroom clean.

I'm watching you.