Selling my Hair and Talking to Idiots

I recently cut my hair.
It's been long overdue.. I think the last time I cut it was about a year back.
I know, I know: Holy Split-ends, Batman!

Anyway the over-zealous but extremely sweet Irene, who's been cutting my hair since the past 7 years, happily chopped off a good 3 inches.
I gulped slowly when I saw the end result, but figured that there wasn't anything I could do about spilt milk (cut hair?)

So a few minutes back the very engaged but slightly odd Dev told me that I should pull a Britney.
He dared me to sell my hair online.
He thinks you guys would actually buy it.

Camaan! You guys are too stingy to buy my ART, there's no way any of you would buy my hair!

Or would you?
:S

Remember, it was Dev's idea.
Also if you really do want to buy my hair, for whatever reason (I don't need to know), do let me know. I'm sure we could settle on a good price.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go chop off some of my Barbie dolls hair and dye it brown.

***

I am really pissed off.
A few months back I bought an mp3 player with my own hard-saved allowance and what do I find? It stops working after the first time I charge it.

What. The. Hell?
This isn't what I signed up for!

I called up the company to complain and the guy says "Oh it probably isn't working because it is small and it may have a couple of loose parts.."

HEY BOY-GENIUS. IF IT HAS LOOSE PARTS, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SELLING IT?

Calm down, the paranoid of you - I didn't get an iPod.
I should have.
Buggery.


And speaking of geniuses, I called up a popular Pizza take away place a few days back.
Now this is a place I call really often. They have my number, my name and my order (which never ever changes)
And yet....
Mahi - Hi, 1 large veg pizza with the stuffed crust. I don't want any tomato chunks or pineapple pieces on it please.
Woman - Huh?
Mahi - No pineapple and tomato pieces on it please.
Woman - Ohkaay...so you want our new Herb and Cheese pizza?
Mahi - ....No...I said I wanted a veg pizza...
Woman - Oh okay...so the Herb and Cheese with tomato and pineapple pieces..
Mahi - No...no, no. Look..I want a large vegetarian pizza...but skip the pineapple and tomato topping...and please make it stuffed crust.
Woman - Yes Ma'am...so large veg pizza..
Mahi - Yes..
Woman - stuffed crust...
Mahi - ..Yes...
Woman - with no topping except pineapple and tomato.
Mahi - ......

At this point I actually checked my phone to see if it was properly plugged in.

Mahi - I am going to repeat my order again okay? Can you hear me clearly?
Woman - Yes Ma'am.
Mahi - Okay. Large. Vegetarian. Stuffed crust. NO pineapple and tomato on it.
Woman - ......*mumbles to someone*
Mahi - Hello?!? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?
Woman - Sorry Ma'am, could you repeat your order?

W.t.f?

Mahi - Okay that's it. You're obviously not listening to a word I'm saying. I have ordered this 1 million times before and no one has ever had a problem understanding it. Could you ask someone else to come on the line because for some reason, you refuse to understand my order.

Another lady came on the line, I quietly repeated my order, she said "Got it!" and that was that.


Seriously!? How hard was that?
I hate it when people are mean to waiters but this was seriously pushing it.
What would you have done?
Was I too mean?
Am I going to Hell?
Did I just get someone fired?
Am I asking too many questions?

Cue the Wedding March!!!!!

What a whirlwind start to the Year 2007!
The slow New Year's eve I had was definitely not an indication of what was to come.

I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate Dev and Arpeeta coz the two lovebirds are NOW ENGAGED!!!!!!!

I am absolutely ecstatic with joy!!!!!!!
(Boy and Girls who were lusting after my two very pretty friends: Sorry! You'll have to ogle elsewhere now :P)
Dev proposed and (obviously) Arpu said "Yes."
(The actual story is HILARIOUS but I don't think I'm allowed to post that....yet)

Aaah it seems like just yesterday that Mink and I were checking out pictures on Arpu's laptop and froze when we came across Dev's.
"Arpu. Who is THIS."
"Oh some guy from Melbourne."
"He's HOT."
"Really? He's OK I guess.."
I can hardly believe its been almost two years since I started a conversation with that guy and found him to be a lovely person..of course he did kiss ass big time to get my approval ;) (Don't you deny it Dev!)
And of course it seems like just yesterday when Dev called me excitedy to say "Hey Mahi! I think your friend is into me and all that!!":D

But seriously, I can't think of two people more suited for each other.

I'm gonna save the good stuff for the wedding speech later on but hey Dev, I saw the ring and duuuuuuuuuuuuuude I TOTALLY approve :D

Aye with the news of the engagement it's been madness here. When Arpu got back from Melbourne, I got a flurry of phone calls asking if the news was true. I totally felt like her personal assistant/manager/publicist/damage control-
"Arpeeta is extremely tired after her trip but is in good spirits."
"No Arpeeta is NOT married already."
"Yes of COURSE she said "yes" to Dev."
"Arpeeta is currently spending time with her loved ones and is unable to take your calls."
"Arpeeta is napping. I will let her know you wanted to speak to her."
"The wedding date has not been fixed yet, but once it is you will be the first to know (not.)"
"Arpeeta's schedule is currently full but I'll let her know you wanted to meet up."
"No, no she's not pregnant!"
"Arpeeta only has a caramel frap. CARAMEL. Get it right next time, assface."
(Hehe okok I was kidding about the last two. What? You couldn't tell?)
I've said this before..I would do SO well in the PR business.

Of course when I told a few friends about it, the next inevitable questions was "So, Mahi, when are you getting married?"
To which I would answer tongue-in-cheek (of course) "July 10th, 2009. Your invites are in the mailbox. I just need to find a guy and we'll be all set."

Here's to you Arpu and Dev -clink-
I can't wait for the wedding. All those nice, single, slightly tipsy men hanging around.
Heh Heh Heh.

Anyway, I gotta run now!
Places to go, people to meet and all that ;)
Take care guys!

Guest Blogger : 10 Truths About Mahi

In the spirit of going further to improve this blog in the hope that you- my dearlovelysweethot readers, will continue to have a good laugh at your stay here, I- Mahi, have decided that TLSITE (that's 'The Lazy Shall Inherit The Earth' for the acronym-ically challenged) is going to have guest blogger every now and then.

He is a fellow left-profiler (read: he has a bent nose too), a witty man, a ladies man and sometimes..even a man's man.
(lol.)

Without further ado..
I present to you- Dev, over from 'A Song Called Everything' with an entry titled : '10 Truths About Mahi'
(And since this is my blog, my comments are in italics)

10 Truths about Mahi

Guest Blogger: Dev

10) Laziness - As her blog title proclaims, Mahi is truly lazy. Currently sitting at 22 years of age without ever holding a permanent job, she plans to marry rich and "help out" around the house. We call it lazy, she calls it old-fashioned.

[Hello? Temp Jobs? And I call it 'being practical' :P]

9) Artistic - With all that "free" energy left from not holding any responsibilities, Mahi does possess rather creative talents. Her skills lie in her ability to sketch life-like images, but she strangely focuses a lot on naked female body parts...

[Females look more nice and are more interesting to draw. Sorry men..you guys are way too hairy and have way too many ...'dangly bits' it ruins the picture.]

8) Singing abilities - In addition with her artistic talents, Mahi can sing - Rather well. She's not shy about it either. Be prepared for an opening solo-sung "theme" on this website in the near future by Mahi herself.

[Can't argue. I DO sing rather well. :P]


7) Dress Sense - Over the years Mahi has exhibited rather interesting fashion trends from Leopard tights (eeks), to backpack purses. With a body that's built to flaunt it, Mahi rarely does (in front of her parents at least), but even the most innocent of tops require an array of pins and double sided tape to avoid you-know-what. I talk from experience! Its interesting she hasnt yet started dressing up her dog.

[The leopard tights were for a 'Spice Girls' lookalike-competition. Don't ASK. Thank you for the compliment Dev! =D And dogs shouldn't be dressed! That's just cruel..but chihuahuas deserve it.]


6) Her dog - Mahi's beloved Kelso (aka Tesco...aka dumb blonde dog) possesses the mental intelligence to match its owner. Kelso's ability to grow vast voluminous hair, stare blankly at anything, bark at anyone annoying her and be wildly attracted to random strangers - makes it a good partner in crime to Mahi. Rumour has it that if Mahi could teach Kelso how to change the channel, she would.

[...change the channel..fetch my shoes..get the door..flush the toilet..lol. I fell off the chair reading this one..its freakishly true!]

5) Star trek - For those that don't already know, Mahi has successfully watched 4 different shows of Star Trek each with about 4-7 series each. this is about 360 hours (or 15 straight days non-stop). Yes, she is a trekkie. And yes - she can do that Spock-hand thing saying "live long and prosper". Tip: for her next birthday she really wants a Star Trek Outfit!

[The outfits are sexy. I reckon I'd look good in it.]

4) Blogging - After completing her one-year anniversary, Mahi has successfully recruited a world-wide audience that seem to comment within 10 mins of any new post. Her new hobby assists her secret climb to fame as she attempts to be the number 1 blogger in Singapore. Mahi's only concern is "what will happen if my future in-laws read my blog??"

[Oye! I'm perfectly fine with not being No.1 Blogger! But I do fear that the day will come when my in-laws google me and find out more than I bargained for...*gulp*]


3) MSN - Recently its been discovered that at any one time Mahi will at least have 250 people ONLINE on her MSN list. This is hardcore. Yet she stills manages to always say "hello ensign" to me each morning.. With the hours spent watching star trek and chatting online, Mahi's ass has evolved to now fit the shape of her chair to allow sitting for indefinite periods of time without loss of circulation.

[Dev, dev, dev! Not ONLINE..just 250 on my list! AND DID YOU JUST CALL MY ASS...special? Awwwww]

2) Men - A rather unlucky area for Mahi. Like 22 year old champagne, Mahi is ready to pop. Unfortunately Mahi possesses the very common female condition of "confused-woman". Which is when she rejects guys that like her and chases men that don't pay any attention to her. So suggest your friends, your family members (ie. Brothers), yourselves (if available) for this worthy cause. Additionally, refer to point 10 if possible.
[LOL. I'm ready to Pop. Oh boy. And yes...guard your single, hot male relatives. They can run but they can't hide heh heh heh]

1) A Friend Indeed - As most of you will agree - Mahi is a valued friend. From crisis to celebration, from tequila shots to whinging online, from a walk in the park to a dance on the floor. She's always there (in person or online). Thanks for your friendship Mahi - and your hilarious (but sometimes too-long) blog entries. Keep up the good work and we look forward to more riveting blogs!

[Thanks! =D]


Cheers,

Dev

***

Thank you Dev! Looking forward to more hilarious, thought-provoking posts from you in the near future

=D

Keep it up!

*Addendum - Technically, since Dev wrote this post, he should be the one replying to the commenters too..so if you want you may address any comments to him

[But I'll reply too coz it's MY blog. nyaaah.]

A normal conversation between Mahima and Dev.

-Begin Conversation-

Dev says:
u watchin Battlestar Galactica yet??
im up to season 2 finale! its sooo good!

Mahima says:
hehe noo devster i havent watched yet...exams are nearing

DS says:
excuses!
shame on u!

Mahima says:
nooo
im serious mate

Dev says:
mahi - so lazy she cant even be bothered watching a tv show.
now THATS LAZY

Mahima says:
lol
new heights of laziness,even for ME.
hahaha
no no its just that,ive got a shitload of work to do,and im really knackered at the end of the day

Dev says:
And its not like u have a job/bf/extensive studies/sport =P

Mahima says:
OOH THANKS ALOT ASS
i hope u get diarrhea from arpus cooking.

Dev says:
HAHAHA
in fact,what do u DO mahi??
what exactly do u DO for 16 hrs a day??
LOL

Mahima says:
u know its weird
my parents ask me the exact same thing
its like time just swishes by, and i look at the clock and go "say wuuuuuuut?" *falsetto*

Dev says:
"what shall i blog about next"
"ooo 5 pm.....toilet time!!"

Mahima says:
5pm toilet time??
thats like so bad for ure body man
its a bad habit

Dev says:
hahah, ur quite a mystery.
for someone that has a lot of time,u dont do much!

Mahima says:
hey i do a lot ok.
look im like sooo way ahead of guys.
im spending time doing some valuable envisioning for the future,i am psychically making the world a better place.

Dev says:
.

Mahima says:
shit even i dont believe that

Dev says:
hahahah loser

Mahima says:
ure the lamer who went to a bollywood dance class for WOMEN

Dev says:
shutup.

-End Conversation-

This sort of thing goes on for hours sometimes. And then we end up making fun of Arpu :P
(I hope she doesnt read this.)



Aaah good times, good times!

=D


***
Apoorva - Many, many Happy returns of the Day!
I'm glad I met a friend like you.
God Bless Blogspot!