I have the heart of an 8 year old. In a jar. On my desk.
Kids!
I have mixed feelings about kids..
I think they're lovely most of the time..you know..they look up to you, adore you, hang onto your every word and they do say the funniest stuff.
Like the time the cute kid frm the 18th floor came to my house to take something for his mom, and as he walked out the door, he coyly turned around, waved his hand seductively and sang out to my brother "Bye Kitty-Kat!"
My tall manly-man brother, who was lounging on the couch and watching soccer (what else?), turned to me and said "What the hell's wrong with that kid?"
And then there are the types who think they're smarter than you. And meaner than you. And bitchier than you.
Like the time I took Kelso down for a walk.
A chubby 6 year old girl walked up to him and eyed him like he had a bad smell (he DIDN'T. He smells like baby shampoo) and snorted "Stupid dog."
It took me all my patience (and bitchiness) to snort back "Careful. He might just take a bite out of you, Chunky."
She just turned and flounced off. (Hair flip and all. Honestly. If she hadn't just dissed my dog, I'd have been almost proud of her.)
Then there was the time a little tyke and his family had come over for dinner. He seemed very VERY fond of Kelso. Every now and then he'd tell his mother (in a slightly sinister manner, I thought) "Mom, I want a dog JUST LIKE Kelso!"
While we were dropping them at the lift, he looked like he was thinking very hard about something and then he slinked up next to me.
"Didi (sister) what if...someone kidnapped Kelso......but what if he really really loved Kelso.."
"Go on.."
"And what if....you found out he had kidnapped Kelso...what would you do?"
I turned to the little monkey, smiled and said very softly "I'd slap him. Hard."
"Oh..." and into the lift he ran, looking a bit put off.
And THEN there was the time I was in the lift with ADHD-boy from the first floor.
"Hi D! How are you?" I said to him.
Not taking his eyes off the lift door he said "Shut up."
"Not having a good day eh?"
"Shut up."
"You shut up!"
"Shut up."
"I think you're rude."
"Shut UP."
"Go to hell asshole."
Luckily for him his floor arrived.
I was all ready to beat the ADHD outta him.
Stupid kids.
I am SO gonna become one of those women that kids will either hate or love.
Or love to hate.
Or hate to love.
And I'll bake yummy pies and not give the mean ones a SINGLE slice.
I have mixed feelings about kids..
I think they're lovely most of the time..you know..they look up to you, adore you, hang onto your every word and they do say the funniest stuff.
Like the time the cute kid frm the 18th floor came to my house to take something for his mom, and as he walked out the door, he coyly turned around, waved his hand seductively and sang out to my brother "Bye Kitty-Kat!"
My tall manly-man brother, who was lounging on the couch and watching soccer (what else?), turned to me and said "What the hell's wrong with that kid?"
And then there are the types who think they're smarter than you. And meaner than you. And bitchier than you.
Like the time I took Kelso down for a walk.
A chubby 6 year old girl walked up to him and eyed him like he had a bad smell (he DIDN'T. He smells like baby shampoo) and snorted "Stupid dog."
It took me all my patience (and bitchiness) to snort back "Careful. He might just take a bite out of you, Chunky."
She just turned and flounced off. (Hair flip and all. Honestly. If she hadn't just dissed my dog, I'd have been almost proud of her.)
Then there was the time a little tyke and his family had come over for dinner. He seemed very VERY fond of Kelso. Every now and then he'd tell his mother (in a slightly sinister manner, I thought) "Mom, I want a dog JUST LIKE Kelso!"
While we were dropping them at the lift, he looked like he was thinking very hard about something and then he slinked up next to me.
"Didi (sister) what if...someone kidnapped Kelso......but what if he really really loved Kelso.."
"Go on.."
"And what if....you found out he had kidnapped Kelso...what would you do?"
I turned to the little monkey, smiled and said very softly "I'd slap him. Hard."
"Oh..." and into the lift he ran, looking a bit put off.
And THEN there was the time I was in the lift with ADHD-boy from the first floor.
"Hi D! How are you?" I said to him.
Not taking his eyes off the lift door he said "Shut up."
"Not having a good day eh?"
"Shut up."
"You shut up!"
"Shut up."
"I think you're rude."
"Shut UP."
"Go to hell asshole."
Luckily for him his floor arrived.
I was all ready to beat the ADHD outta him.
Stupid kids.
I am SO gonna become one of those women that kids will either hate or love.
Or love to hate.
Or hate to love.
And I'll bake yummy pies and not give the mean ones a SINGLE slice.
Madame Mahima blew a kiss and took a bow on Saturday, October 22, 2005
20 Comments:
oh...those all cracked me up. And it proves my point on why I like kids--cause they don't sugarcoat ANYTHING. They're completely genuine, and just say the truth.
Seriously, sometimes I think adults should just be that way again.
such kids need to be locked in bathrooms with rabid dogs...those who dont bite...but loud enough to make them shit bricks.
ashley - hehe thank you! true they don't surgercoat stuff..but they lie too! i mean..hello?? kelso SO doesn't stink!
zii - hey thanks for dropping bye! yep..i DEFINITELY share your sentiments!
Ashley - totally agree with you dear!...thats y i wana be a kid whn i grow up! :)
Mahi - I beliv you dear, considering the fact that you dont like your males with BO, I dont see any reason why the 4 legged ones should be any dif!
on slightly personel note, does this mean that you still wana get married but not have kids?
rajesh- rude kids do get on my nerves, but i definitely wanna have kids of my own. i'll just make sure mine are polite =)
meahahaha - or give them a REALLY tiny slice!!
sigh yeah my feelings for kids change everytime i meet one!! ...my friend used to say... " i LOVE KIDS!! just as long as their parents take them back home at the end of the day!"
i know what you mean about the annoying ones....the number of times i have almost thrown my nephew out the 6th floor balcony....actually his parents need it more....got to go now...that family just showed up at my house .....(and he leaves with a sinister smile and tales his place next to the window....)
Haha! Your post reminds me of this time when my friend had gone to the parlor, and the owner's young son had come up to her and said "Your face looks like a pineapple!" You should have just seen my friend fuming mad when she was narrating the incident to me. *laughs*
But yeah, some kids are SO annoying at times. Esp when you're being nice to them and they just stub you for no reason.Brats!
Dah-ling, I bet the little critters will run circles around you and you'll frown and yell "I'm not a Maypole!!" (a la Mary Poppins) but love it anyway. You're a born-to-be-a-momma....welcome to the club.
grafx - are u sure i wasnt the one who told you that?? damn! i think i mustve said the EXACT same thing to a friend of mine! haha great minds think alike! aww well..ok i cant be too mean..ill just give them the tiniest tiniest slice left heh heh
mayank - u go boy! haha just make sure his parents are distracted..*imagines mayank whistling a tune and quietly giving his nephew a little shove*
medha -:O ure kidding!! ure poor friend! bah! whatever happened to the days when WE were kids and we used to think a 100 times before saying anything mean??
smithy - aww shucks woman! dont make me sound so mushy! i'm a tough-ass girl! i have a reputation to keep!
*bares teeth* grr!
What kind of crazy-ass building do you live in?
My kids are very sweet (I'm not just saying that because I'm legally required to) but like all children they are honest to a fault. My 5-year old recently asked my aunt why she has sideburns. Oye.
"Bacche Bhagwan kaa roop hote hai"
So when they tell you to shut up. Just shut up. They dont have that developed a brain to explain why you should shut up, or to justify their actions. But they never lie.
So Mahi, Please... shut up!
Kids I think are cute. if some kid said shut up to me, I would be laffing my arse away. Then I would beat up his pop and tell em to teach them some manners!
All they need is to be shown the way....be it whatsoever!!!
And believe me if they need to be shown the way there is a lesson in it for you too!!! so just pay attention!! :)
PS: i say so from my current experience working at the institute for Human Development at my uni.
You forgot to mention those horrid pigs that spit at you for no good reason-oh how I hate those!
And did I mention there are the ones that think its cute to hit you with ladles?
Sigh, kids these days...
p.s.love the title.
U adore kids so much that u wud go to the extent of dedicating one whole post to them churning out lame and possible reasons as to why u pretend to hate em :)
I love kids.
But since I usually shoot off my mouth before thinking twice as required, I got the glares of this man once in the flight.
2 kids were playing in the aisle. Then they started crying and wailing for no ostensible reason.
The lady besides me spoke in French, "Aawh, what cute kids!"
I jabbered back, "Such cute kids, if I had a gun I would shot them both."
OK. It did seem like humor that time, but the lady certainly didn't seem to think so. Aah Merde.
Mahi im sure the old adage will hold true for you: your life will change when you have your first child.
Kids are like people. Just be yourself and those that will follow will be right beside you. and those that dont agree with you will stick their toungue out at you.
for now, practice all ur caring abilities on someone that cares....lil' tesco
I think its just the guys who are brats even when they are just 5 year olds. Girls are always (ahem!) sweet :)
minty- hahaha sideburns!!?!?! aye caramba! u just cant help but love it when they do that! :P i once told an uncle that he had a face that looked like an almond...and my mom smacked me good for saying that!
demi - welcome dahling! yes they are lovely most of the time..MOST of the time..at other times u gotta admit..they need a good spanking!
apoo - *screams* SHUTUP HERO HEERALAL! i think we should just beat YOU up. just for kicks.
jay - true true! but still man..how could that kid tell me to shutup!? im so hurt!
jups - im having a fit...SPIT?! HIT YOU WITH LADLES!? now now jups...i sincerely hope you've grown out of those bad habits heheehehe
*mahi ducks and hides*
rohan - damn you and your insight!!! *shakes a fist at rohan* I HAVE A REPUTATION TO KEEP! A REPUTATION OF BEING A TOUGH ASS! grr!? dont make sound like a softie..(please??)
kipp - welcome kipp! aiyeee...some people just DONT appreciate dark humor eh? buncha stick-in-the-muds.
dev - ahhh tesco..er i mean kelso...my baby kelso...he never answers back, never sticks his tongue out..he just viciously bites me..but thats hardly half as bad..i still feel the love through the vicious chewing!
casa - sweet my foot! at least 5 year old guys are naturally dumb...we girls are sneaky..bery bery sneaky.
One of the best things about being gay is that you never, ever have to worry about having kids of your own. Ever.
I fuckin' hate 'em.
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