06 October, 2010

Don't let go

The past couple of years have been quite spiritual for me. It started with a book that got me thinking about a lot of things - God (and I use the term loosely), our connection to one another, faith, belief. I didn't realise it then but the book in itself was a stepping stone to many other spiritual discoveries.

I'm hoping this blog doesn't turn into a debate on whether God exists or not. For me, there does exist an entity that has laid out the grand scheme of things. I don't see myself as a pawn but I do see myself as being given the chance to live, experience, learn, become wiser and ultimately realise that love really is all that matters. I've realised that that entity always provides the right chance for growth, when we're truly ready for it. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I've felt that the coincidences occur in too beautiful a way for them to be...well - coincidence!

Sometimes when I would feel particularly lost I would ask God to give me a sign. Not a sign that would show that I'll get what I wished for, but a sign to let me know that I'll be okay. Up until two years back, I never received a tangible sign but my request was often followed by a sense of being loved. I didn't understand it back then...it felt like an odd sense of comfort and relief ,but don't the three feelings go hand-in-hand? Since then, I've experienced such odd coincidences, talked to such wonderful people and seen such life-changing dreams that I feel like I'm finally starting to get the plot.

Imagination? Delusion? Wishful thinking? I have no idea, but whatever it was/is, it's made me stronger and it's made my life better.

It's helped me deal with one crisis after another simply because I've felt love. Not on a romantic level, not at a platonic level but at a spiritual level. The type of love that's touched my heart, branded it and forever altered my take on life.

We're so used to looking for the fine print or the conditons attached to a good feeling, that we don't fully allow ourselves to accept it, experience it and reciprocate the feeling. I know I have miles to go before I become a better and more loving person, but I feel lucky to be experiencing the change at this age.

Whatever the religion you follow, you can't deny the fact that once we all learn how to give love freely and live with love, the world will change for the better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is how can anyone hurt and be hurt when they love and allow themselves to receive unconditional love? I'm talking about just pure love - toward anyone and everyone, toward a stranger if you think they need it, toward an animal, toward your enemy, toward the world, toward the universe.

Go on....what have you got to lose by trying? :)

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3 Comments:

Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Ummm... are you like dying or something?

Ok ok... just kidding! Nice post. I like!

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Saaketh did the happy dance and finally said..

ppl change :-)

11:36 AM  
Blogger Surya Kannan did the happy dance and finally said..

Initially it is very hard to see a tangible presence of God in our lives. In the Vedas, it is stated that 'In the beginning, there was nothing'. So it is with us but as the wheels of time spin, the multifarious aspects of our Creator begin to manifest in our lives. Like clearing an examination without having ever touched the book and selecting the only easiest experiment among the other hellish apparatuses like Spectrometer, surface-tension and physical balance. All this and more are the proof of his Almighty's workings. I never totally studied for any exam from grade 3 to grade 12. I would fail in the Quarterly and Half-yearly.

But almost with an unfailing precision, i always cleared the Annuals. I used to be baffled and startled with this recurring phenomenon of sudden leap every year. All those 'Grace marks' are from God. I was never held back in any year for the lack of performance. When in truth, all i could get in math and science were 'Zeros'.

I still can't believe that i cleared 10th and 12th matric board. I never went to tuition and always allowed the inevitable to happen whatever it is. In crucial moments, God has never let me down. If this was the case in school, i had to join computer science engineering in college totally against my wish because of pressure from parents.

All i could do in college was to look at the beautiful scenery around. And spend time doing nothings. The concepts were beyond my ability to grasp. When i got tired trying to understand, i would stretch myself and sleep in the bench. No one ever disturbed me, unaware of the periods that had gone past on most days i would wake up in the noon or evenings.

And go home with the only satisfaction of having gone to an premier engineering college in a big city. Yes, Chennai is definitely bigger when compared to Madurai. I felt like an indigenous tribal in a super-suave metropolitan city. When semester exams came, i continued sleeping in the exam hills. And gave a blank sheet with just my name written on top.

I realized that i had to write something in the successive semesters to clear the papers. So i resorted to writing question-papers repeatedly on the answer scripts and to my amazement i passed year after year. And finally got the degree.

After college, i went to big companies for a small time and came back feeling that i was completely out of place like an odd one out. Then out of the blue, i got a spiritual initiation into the Sivan-Siddhars path. I got initiated in the foot-hills forest of Podhigai mountains in Tamil Nadu.


I lost all fear progressively after the initiation. Now i believe in contemplating and meditating on God full time. I have had visions proving the presence of Supreme within me after going through all the tough ordeals in years gone by. Even though they are fleeting presences in Dreams, it is enough to keep my quest for God going!

9:34 PM  

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