That, Madame Mahima, is the sound of Inevitability....

Sigh.

Okay so I guess this had to happen one day.
It was unavoidable, I suppose.

Like growing old, like drooling in your sleep (happened only ONCE), like realising that too much chocolate made you kinda meaty (my arteries are in excellent shape though) and like seeing a nice pair of shoes on sale and finding out they had every size except yours......

It HAD to happen eventually.......................but yet you always hope it happens later, rather than sooner.


Ladies and Gents, this one is The One Where Mahi's Parents Discover Her Blog.

Yup.

Guys, if you were ever interested in marrying me (Apoo, I'm looking at you), here and now is the perfect place and and time to make your pitch because chances are pretty high that my parents will read this.

Girls, now would be a GREAT time to tell my parents that I am the lovely, wholesome young woman that every daughter aspires to be (lie if you have to, dammit!)

And lastly - Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, do enjoy the blog. I'm apologizing in advance for any foul language you might come across....peer pressure y'know...what can I say? But also know that I have written of you guys in nothing but glowing terms!

Have a great week ahead guys
*Mahi walks away, trying to figure out if she can password protect her blog*

Just kidding, parents. Just kidding.
*No, really..*

Ha!

You know you're of Marriageable Age when...

- ...your mom (or my mom) starts insisting that you start keeping your own cookbook because you need to practice for some 'serious cooking'. Apple Pie, Mother, is PRETTY serious cooking in my world.
Yes. I now have my own cookbook in which I write recipes dictated by my Mom when she is cooking said recipe.
I opened a drawer and there were loads of notebooks all waiting to be written in (don't ask me why, but I really like collecting notebooks and diaries).
I chose the one that used to be my old diary (I wrote about 6 entries before I grew...you guessed it - Lazy.) So anyway I decided to read a couple of entries. Back when my brother was a menace, I used to purposely write my angst-filled rantings in tiiiiiny font. Really tiny- hoping that this would be a deterrant to all future pesky diary readers. Well it still works. I stopped reading the minute I saw how tiny the words were (This could also be cross-referenced in another blog post - You know you're getting Old when...)

-... your mom starts talking about how she knows the BEST places to shop for your wedding outfit and trousseau.

-...your Doctor thinks you've fallen ill because you are stressing about a Boy and starts telling you how a girl is allowed to have the upper hand in a marriage. I can safely say (for now) that a Boy is the least of my worries....sort of.

-... older women get glassy eyed when they look at you. Like their minds are working at breakneck speeds to find a Suitable Boy for the Girl in front of them. They start to ask CV-like questions 'What have you studied?', 'What's your height? 5'9? Oh no, too tall..but don't worry I'm sure we'll find you someone..'(Yea. Thanks.) They also start to coo about how said Girl is 'glowing'..... :S Yea. Don't ask.

-... you start getting worried about putting up those extra photo frames on the wall, coz let's face it - it's going to be a pain to take down allllll those frames when you have to leave for your own house. (Yep, this is how lazy people decide what goes up and what stays in a box)

-... people start telling you to lose a few more kilos so you can look stunning in your wedding outfit. Okay, between you and me, what's the point of killing yourself trying to fit into the outfit, when you're just going to put back all that weight (and then some) after the wedding?

-... you start to seriously calculate for how long you want to enjoy marriagehood until u start on the parenthood leg of the journey. Aiyaiyaiyaaaaiii.

-... you get all glassy-eyed and smiley-faced watching your friend try on her engagement outfit and picking out her jewelery, while you think "Wow..I can't wait for my turn.." and it seems like an inevitable reality as compared to a 16 year old's wishful thinking.


What else have I missed out in the list??

Adventures of Blonde Mom (Episode 254) and Happy Birthday (in advance) Minku!

So I was watching a video of Kelso doing tricks and chuckling away to glory..
Small digression: If you must know I spend a disturbingly large amount of time talking to my dog, listening to him (yes, my dog speaks to me and NO, I'm not crazy), watching him, playing with him, cleaning up his poop (no job is constantly filled with rainbows and butterflies, my friends), looking at his baby pictures/videos, etc etc.

I digress, I digress.

So I'm watching the video and my Mom comes over to see what its about. She stands there, watching it for about 7 seconds and goes:

"You know, it's so weird, but that dog looks EXACTLY like Kelso!"

"............ yes, Mom. It's a miracle."

(The truth hit her 10 minutes later. Yes, we're all about delayed gratification and slow reactions in my house)

And you guys wonder why I'm so odd. Now you know where I get it from.

***

Speaking of contented, last night Kelso (yes, him again) and I were lying down the bed and he does the sweetest thing.
He snuggles upto me, buries his face into my neck, gives a long contented sigh and sleeps.

Happiness-filled goosebumps!

If you've ever wondered where Heaven on Earth is, lemme tell ya - it's all around you (and in a can. Seriously, there's a drink brand here called 'Heaven on Earth')

***
And speaking of good times, I want to wish my lovely friend, my partner in crime, and my pretend boyfriend Minku - A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY (in advance)
(It's actually tomorrow..I'm wishing her now coz I'd rather be early in wishing her than late..and knowing me I'll forget tomorrow.)

Mink, you're such an amazing person and a friend. Thank you so much for being there for me.
This is going to sound so lesbian, but you're the perfect date! Everytime we meet, be it for coffee or parties or whatever, you're a never ending source of affection and tons of fun.

Goes to show eh? First impressions can be wrong. I would've never guessed I'd find a friend for life in you. Here's to many many years of love, laughter and good health.
-clink-
(that was fruit juice because you don't drink alcohol)


Be good, everyone!

I vote that we bring back the 80's!

I was having a chat today with my friend Naidu (or 'Fartface Naidu' as I like to call her, affectionately of course. She calls me 'Poopyhead' okay? So don't judge.)
Anyway we were talking about the 80's and it totally sent me on a nostalgic ride.

My mom back then, for reasons still unknown to me, had recorded 1987's Grammy awards, a 'Wham' (or'Wham! UK' if you're particular about these things...) documentary and one random episode of 'Top of the Pops'.
When you were in Lagos back then, you didn't have the privilege of being very up-to-date with the music scene. So for literally years, the only music videos I had watched were the ones from these tapes.
I had by-hearted all the lyrics from the songs in the 'Wham' documentary. Careless Whisper I would expertly croon. Wake me up before you go-go ? No problemo. I thought the neon shirts in that video were THE SHIT. I yearned for them. Club Tropicana was awesome back then. I had the biggest crush on George Michael and his Lady Di hairdo. Semi-naked men playing the trumpet and jumping into pools? Fun! I thought it was THE SHIT. Last Christmas is still one of my all time favourite tracks.
The only song I remember from the TOTP episode is Kylie Minogue's 'I should be so lucky'. I guess the other songs must've really been shit.
And the Grammy's...they were awesome...Michael Jackson when he still looked slightly black is always a good thing to see.

Apart from the music, let's not forget the other important things from the 80's.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. How awesome were they? I LOVED them. I had a teensy crush on Donatello (he was the one with the purple band.) Yes, yes in hindsight, having a crush on a turtle mutant who's color was purple is VERY disturbing but hey! Such is the innocence of childhood, so let's just drop the subject, oh-kay?
Speaking of the TMNT, have you guys heard about the new TMNT movie coming out? It's with 3-D animation and all that stuff. Call me old-school, but I'm not a big fan of that. I'll choose a badly-drawn 2-D cartoon any day.
Speaking of badly drawn, remember He-Man and his twin sister She-ra?? "By the power of Grayskullll, I am Heeeee-MAaaaaaan"
Weren't they amazing? I remember stomping around the house in my mom's heels, brandishing a broomstick, pretending I was She-Ra. She was da bomb (who says that anymore?). Sigh. I love heels.

Forget TV, remember the dressing??
I would love to put up old pics of my mom and her friends with poofy pants and bad poodle-hair but I think she'd murder me. But think about it...if we bought the 80's back, there would be no such thing as bad taste! When everything is so bad, how bad is really bad (which incidentally was the 80's)!?

This is essentially what the 80's represented, people- Being non-judgmental.
People were allowed to dress, say, do whatever they wanted and nothing was considered a disaster. People were happy with their bad clothes and bad hair and bad make up. Everyone was just content and reveled in their bad taste.


I say forget bringing sexy back.
Bring back the 80's, baby.

The One where Mahi goes to Chennai!

Wow it's been ages since I've updated this baby, hasn't it?
I've been a shitty-arsed blog visitor too, please forgive me..you still love me right?

(I know you do.)

Anyway!
I'm back from my short trip to Chennai (thats in South India for those of who couldn't give a rat's ass about geography).
My mom and I went for my second cousins thread ceremony. Along with meeting up with long lost relatives Mom also thought it would be an opportune time to unleash Mahi onto the unsuspecting public. Heh heh. Good ol' Mom.

I don't quite know where to begin...
Most of you know that I've always had this slight fear of India..you know too much noise, too many people, too much everything (but then again, compared to Singapore, any place would seem like too much). But this time around I found myself enjoying the hustle and bustle of the life there.

The place had character. The traffic sucked big time though. There was no concept of staying in one line or actually glancing at the traffic signal. There was liberal use of full-on flood lights, followed by liberal temporary blindness which was followed by liberal near-death experiences.
Cool!

Speaking of 'cool!', I met Mom's side of the family after nearly 8 years.
I've always been very fond of all of Mom's cousins and their kids and her aunts and uncles. They're an affectionate lot. It's a huge family and all of them make it a point to have a sort of reunion every now and then. It's amazing how much the family has expanded. One of my grand-aunts now has 10 grandchildren! Thats 10 second cousins in a flash! I've got to work overtime on my family tree now.
It's our custom to touch the feet of the elders and every time I did that, they would bless me with the utterance "May you get a good husband." I guess in this day and age, it's not such a bad blessing to receive, eh?

All of them speak Tulu and I found myself drifting to a pleasant place while all of them spoke rapid-fire Tulu. Sort of like a babbling brook. It was so nice to hear, even though I didn't understand 90% of what they said. 4 days ago I could speak only a smattering- just enough to tell the people at these functions to stop loading my banana leaf with food. I would just smile and nod and mutter the occasional "Yes, yes correct" or "No, no!" (complete with an edge of panic in my voice) and that seemed to please them. But something weird happened- as if by osmosis, or diffusion for those of you who are anal about these terms, I started to actually speak a few phrases of Tulu. A few well formed phrases at that! Enough to make decent conversation! Mom and her aunts and cousins were shocked. God bless the unconscious absorbtion of information.

Speaking of banana leaves, sitting on the ground to eat with your hands can be a real bitch for someone who sits at a table and eats with a fork, knife and spoon 99.9% of the time. I managed to eat whatever came my way with measured small handfuls (fingerfuls?). Of course there were the usual 5..10.. 50 people laughing at my sad attempts all the way. But I like to think I did good.

Speaking of 'good', it was nice to realise that good looks run in the family too.
Heh heh heheh heheh.
(What? I never said I was modest!)
Mom's side of the family had people with pink skin and amber-green eyes.
What the hell? I've got brown eyes and brown skin.
Goddamn you, Genetics!
*Mahi shakes a fist*
But then again, even the ones without those feline features were pretty damn good looking too.
I know, I know, I'm being superficial and all that, but I like to give credit where it's due, okay?

Speaking of 'pretty damn good', let's talk about FOOD, people.
Singapore is forever calling itself as a foodie's paradise but compared to the food in India, it's just downright insipid.
The food there was completely and utterly mindblowing! I told Mom I would move there just for the food. At this point I could practically hear Mom gleefully thinking "Hee hee, single eligible bachelors in India, get readyyyyyyy!"

And finally speaking of bachelors, I didn't see many of them around but I did see their mothers and grandmothers around. These ladies are a force to be reckoned with.
They scare me.
There was a lot of whispering and hush-hush talk about prospective grooms and all that.
C'est la vie.
*Shrugs*

Oh and I shopped too.
Hehehe

The flights sucked ass but all in all I had an amazing time.

Here's to family ties
-clink-

You gimme feeevah

Apologies, dear reader, for not updating sooner.
I am unwell.
My throat feels like sandpaper, my nose is more stuffed up than the crowd at Orchard Road on the weekend and my head hurts.
I did go out last night and only had a couple of drinks so I doubt it's a hangover.
Stupid drinks with too much crushed ice.
Bah.


(This entry might be a little weird.. forgive me for it is written with some odd, unneccesary feverish urgency)

This whole week has gone by in a damn flash. If you ask me what took up so much of my time, I won't really be able to come up with a good answer...yup..twas one of those weeks.

My mom's been talking to me about marriage. She reckons she'll get me introduced to the eligible types when I graduate next year..I will be 23.
For those of you who are yet unaware, I want to get married young, I figured hey! Enjoy married life for about 4 years and have a couple of kids by the time I turn 30.
See I have it all planned out!

I told mom that I'll need to know the guy for AT LEAST a year. At least.
And that don't fit well with my plan.
My head hurts so I'm gonna let you do the math.
Also she's saying stuff like "Don't go only by looks"
Yea Duh Mom. But seriously..you should hear her say it..almost as if she's preparing me for the worst..w.t.f?

Going back to the reason of my state of unwell-ness, 'Guess' recently had a sale on Saturday.
Dear Lord.
Here's some advice - Don't EVER go to a Guess Sale on a Saturday. It's madness and mayhem of the highest order. I couldn't BREATHE, I couldn't move, and much to my chagrin, the pair of jeans that I wanted (in black) were NOT ON BLOODY SALE.
So I settled for the cheaper, but still well-fitting pair. Oh well. There's always next year.
Having said that - Get your jeans from Guess..they fit the BEST.

Also I think I'm psychic for real.
(haha!)
I dreamt about a friend last night, whom I haven't seen or heard from in ages..and boom! I see a mail from him, just now!
Let me tell you this people - There are no such things as coincidences.


Hardcore.

My mom just made me the most disgusting home-made remedy..it made my skin crawl.
I need to sleep off the trauma.
Overranddout.

The one where Mahi attended a Wedding..

Remember the wedding I was telling you guys about??
Well I attended it and it was AWESOME.

Awesome for many reasons.

Awesome because (most importantly) there were so many many pretty people to look at.
Awesome because I met a lady who was completely off her rocker and took a shine to me.

The bride and groom are Indians from the UK and some of their friends had come down.
Their friends were very pretty to look at..the men and the women.
And oh.
my.
GOD.
British accents..are so...delicious.
A couple of times when one of the guys was chatting with me, I'd just hear the accent and zone out.
It was gorgeous.
It was yummy.
So were a couple of the men, too :P

SO anyway, let me tell you about the crazy lady.
My parents and I were at this table that had two couples - one pair in their early 40's and the other in their mid-fifties.
So the younger of the two ladies saw me and exclaimed "Oh I saw you this morning at the wedding ceremony, and I remember thinking 'Wow! She's CUTE! And so tall too!' "
(In case you didn't realise by now, I like this lady a lot.)
So I smiled modestly (?!?!) and said "Thank you.."
From there I can't remember how the topic turned to my future marriage.

Mom: Oh we want to look for a boy for her from Singapore..
Younger lady: Oh you should talk to her-points to older woman, who had spent the entire time just staring at me- her son is so handsome! And he's 6'2 in height! What's your height??
Me: Erm..5'9..
Older lady: -Happily- Yes! The two of you would look so nice together!
Me: -Silence....caught-in-the-headlights-look, followed by nervous laughter- UHhh hah..ha..ha...

All the three ladies look extremely Happy.

And then comes the freaky bit. I didn't realise this until mom told me much later, but the crazy old Lady very sneakily took out her camera AND STARTED TAKING PICTURES OF ME!

WHAT
THE
HELL?

I did remember a couple of flashes but come ON! It was a wedding for pete's sake. Everyone was taking pictures.
And apparently once she stood behind me and my mom, and with extremely complicated hand signals, told her partner in crime to take a picture of us.

My goodness.
I thought this shit only happened in bad hindi movies!

I got a bit scared after that and was ever-s0-thankful when I was taken to the table full of young people.
I think that greatly put off the old lady.
Or maybe she just took more pictures of my back.
Never underestimate the cunning and smarts of a woman seeking a bride for her son.
They are relentless.


But I shouldn't talk.
Mom was having a field day...so many young, eligible bachelors...all in one room..with nowhere to run or hide.
She had this glint in her eye. It scared me. I actually felt a bit sorry for them.
Every now and then I'd catch her eyes trailing one poor guy (prey?) and she'd mumble "Hmm. What a smart looking boy. Not bad. I must find out more."
And then I'd whisper, mortified "Mom! More subtlety please. Be cool!"
And then she'd shrug nonchalantly and say "Just looking..no harm..it's for you, after all."


So anyway towards the end I had a lovely time chatting with an interesting gentlemen ( I reckon the brows worked after all!) and after a while Mom came by to tell me it was time to leave.."Mahi dear, are you ready to go? Oh hello!"
"X meet Mom. Mom meet X."
And Mom turned all GIGGLY.

So I said my goodbyes, went to the original table, said my goodbyes and the Old Lady stood up, pulled me (I thought she was gonna choke slam me or something) into a tight hug, smothered me with kisses and said "So nice meeting you..such a pretty girl, take care all the best, so lovely, so lovely."
By this time I wasn't hugging her back.
I was struggling to escape.
These women can be deceptively strong.

Which brings me to a couple of questions/points-
1) If her son was so goodlooking, why has she resorted to taking pictures of girls she's JUST met. I found it a tad creepy.
2) If my mom knew she was taking pictures of me, why didn't she say something. I find THAT a tad worrying.
3) Men from the UK are lovely. I turn into mush when I hear the accent. Fake-o Brit accents don't turn me into mush. It's not cute (unless I'm the one faking the accent.)
4) Everyone should attend an Indian Wedding. You will be shocked and awed.


Ahhh weddings.


I love it!

Goddamned Template, I'm a Moron and Titty Talk.

'Tis with a heavy heart I write this...

Due to VIOLENT objections, I have decided to change my template yet again.

Actually the other day I accessed my blog via a PC at my uni library and when it opened I actually went "Say wuuuuuuuut?!" (in falsetto).

It was COMPLETELY wonky!

Now I know why some of you have had such negative responses towards it!
(I'm sure it has nothing to do with the flower or the bright colours, and if it IS too flower-y for you, then...sod off.)

So yes..back to the good ol' drawing board.
Stay tuned..and contrary to what my tone might be, I DO appreciate the feedback.


***

Now as many of you might know, I spend a good hour and a half travelling to uni, and another good hour and a half travelling back home.

That's a total of 3 hours.

But it's fine..coz I enjoy thinking/daydreaming and listening to my music..and most importantly I don't have to worry about making futile/annoying conversation..so it's all good..
EXCEPT-
when you spend all that time travelling and in the end you realise that your classes have, in fact, been cancelled.
Or as I'm realising now- you've mixed up your Tuesday timetable with Monday's.

So I waited outside my class..no one turned up.
And it sorta occured to me that the WHOLE class (including the tutor) couldn't possibly be 15 minutes late..in fact I'm the one who's always 15 minutes late.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moral of the story is, if you keep skipping your Tuesday classes, God WILL find a way to mess with your head and make you pay (by making you wake up early, travel and then ultimately feel like an IDIOT.)
I swear...I could just picture God chuckling, pointing at me and going "Luh-oooooosah!"

*Mahi shakes a fist*

***
At the Dinner Table -

Mom: This dish that Aunty X sent.. is awful!
Dad: So tell her then.
Mom: No I can't that's so mean!
Dad: Okay..
Mom : But maybe I should tell her. If she doesn't like dishes that I send over she says "Oh P! Honestly, That dish tasted TERRIBLE..I couldn't even swallow it." Can you believe it??
Dad: So tell her then!
Mom: Ya. I'm going to tell her! It's my revenge! Hee hee
Mahi : -while eating, mumbles- Yes..tit for tit. -chuckles to herself-

Mom and Dad: -silence-
Mahi: What? Why ya'll lookin' at me like that?
Dad: She worries me sometimes.
Mom: -nods-

Mothers, Flu Shots and Stinkiness.

Mahi is faintly annoyed and amused.
This is because Mahi had to wake up at 7am on a bloody Saturday morning to go with her mum and brother for a flu vaccine.

Aahh the flu vaccine. 'Tis a curious thing, this vaccine is.

It's highly recommended for people above the age of 65.
You might still get the flu even though you are vaccinated.

So basically I'm being injected with the dead flu virus, that may or may not guarantee that I'll never get the flu.
Such is life.

I bloody hate injections.

There was a lot of nervous laughing from my side as the nurse prepared the needle
"Wow, haha, that's a really big needle! Haha!"
"Haha, I really hate needles you know.."
"Haha ohh don't try and distract me! I'm studying psychology, Haha I know what you're gonna -ooowwwwwwwwwww"

So anyway, my brother and I both got jabbed on our right arms (coz we're lefties) and I wisely kept my distance from Mom.
You see, experience has taught me that my Mom gets violent when she's amused.
Having me AND my brother almost always amuses her coz we're both such a barrel of laughs.

Right.
Anyway, I wisely kept my right arm out of Mom's reach, my brother wisely didn't.

Brother: Yea so S's friend is half Australian and Half African.
Mom: Ohh ok!

5 minutes later

Mom: So S's friend is Aboriginese right?
Brother: -Incredulous look- Mom. Seriously? I just told you 5 minutes back he's half Aussie and half African..
Mom: Oh!! Hahahaa! -thumps brother on right shoulder-
Brother: -Incredulous look- MOM!! SERIOUSLY?!?!!?
Mom: Oh!!! You had your jab there! Hahahaha!

As she was chuckling away she came towards me, raised her arm to thump me and I just went "Ohh don't even think about it."


I sometimes seriously wonder if my Mom is a blonde. (Sorry to all the blonde's reading this.)

She once called over a bunch of her friends and their husbands.
Aunty N's husband, Uncle P started one of those deep, serious political talks.
Everyone was listening rapt..well almost everyone.

I glanced over at Mom and Aunty N, and saw their eyes glazing over.
5 minutes into it, Mom suddenly chirps:
"N..What time are you waking up tomorrow??"
"I think around 6.30am I think!"

Uncle P looked like he was gonna pop a vein-
"SERIOUSLY?! I'm having a deep conversation here..how can you interrupt like that??"

I thought I was gonna pop a vein trying not to laugh at all their expressions!
Mom just laughed and thumped Aunty N.

***

On a completely different note- I always wondered if it just my bad luck that stinky people ALWAYS end up sitting next to me on the bus, but yesterday..I was convinced luck had nothing to do with it.

It's a friggin' conspiracy I tell you.
I swear. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who sat next to me stank like they had shat themselves+not taken a bath in days.

What?
Is it me?
Do I wear a sign saying : Stinky People, Please come Sit with Me
Am I overly sensitive to smell?
Is it a case of 'birds of a stinky feather, flock together?'
-Mahi sniffs herslef-
No. It's NOT me.


What gives?
I don't get it.