05 October, 2005

You's a Stinkah.

Yesterday was a day of amazing, mindblowing stinkyness.

It was about 4 pm when I decided to take the No.10 back home from my university. This is what I like to do on the journey - have a muffin, listen to some good music and think. Just me and the open road (sort of).

But yesterday, that was not to happen.

I get on the bus and 5 minutes later, I lovingly unpack my walnut brownie and as I start to put a bite in my mouth, this stinky old man comes and sits next to me..

The kind of stink you get when you decide that you're too lazy to go to the toilet any more, so you realise its just more convenient to piss and shit yourself.
The kind of stink you get when you decide to set out to become the stinkiest person on the planet by wearing the same clothes everyday. Minus the washing bit. Sweat or no sweat.
That, combined with the stink you get when you decide to forgo bathing for about oh..3 weeks? There-ish.

Look, I have no qualms about eating in front of other people coz quite honestly I couldn't care less.
Mahi don't share her walnut brownies. Not with stinky people ( or even normal people for that matter. Unless I really like you.)
And thats the way, ahuh ahuh, I LIKE it.

I packed my brownie back in, because HAD I continued eating, I'd have forever classically conditioned myself to puke my guts out everytime I saw a brownie.
So I just sat there, miserably trying to inhale whatever perfume was left on my wrists.
Trust me, it looked funnier than it sounded.
*Shudder, tries to scrub off the smell*


Then Mr Stinky decides that sitting next to me is far too boring for him. So he whips out his huge mother of a cellphone and proceeds to talk loud enough for anyone within a 5 Km radius to hear.
So I gritted my teeth and in an attempt to hear my music (Damn you Volume 25 limit!) I dug in my earphone so deep that they were ready to pass through my brain and come out from my nose.


Then, a crazy lady enters the bus. No, no not Mahi-crazy, but crazy-crazy. I think the incessant babbling and hysterical laughter and crazy hair gave it away.
Oh. .
Wait.
OK well trust me, she WAS crazy.
So unable to take it anymore, I just drifted off to sleep. Ah bliss.



Ok, ok here's the important bit :
1) Don't sit next to stinky people. You'll regret it. Trust me.
2) Stinky people out there, get some deo. Coz chances are you're quite hated in the community.
3) Don't ever sing while walking back home.
People stare and laugh.
I only realised when I heard the laughter and saw them pointing at me.


*Mahi shakes a fist at the world*

32 Comments:

Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Well,I never sing on my way home, act, i never sing anywhere tat is whitin earshot of another a living being...the world has enuf suicide cases as it is!!...the most i ever do is tat i strum my hands as if im playing the guitar solo...yes, i have a active imagination...esp so since i cant even play the guitar(yet!)...

Maybe its time u sidelined as a part-time perfume spokesperson?tat way, u could have made the jouney a lil bit more profitable!

1:46 PM  
Blogger Casablanca did the happy dance and finally said..

I hate people on buses and MRT who talk like they are delivering a public speech!! The person on the other side of the connection is not DEAF for godsake.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - im still traumatised by stinky man...i have nightmares about him..

casa - tell me about it. like 'SHUTITTTTTT NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW!'
damn them all to sore throat hell.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Wats worse is whn thy are both on the same bus!...i mean, if u are on the mobilephone, at least i can accept that maybe, just maybe, the person on the other line is deaf...but whn u refuse to sit side by side, and start screaming from one end of the bus to the other end...:/...

Awww, poor dear, try thinkin of me, not tat its very pleasent thinkin of me mind you!...but im absolutly confident tat it will be betta thn thinkin of stinky man =)




In case you were wondering, i didnt hav any coffee today.... ;)

7:14 PM  
Anonymous Sonya did the happy dance and finally said..

a psych student calling someone crazy? baaad career move mahi... that kinda reminds me of the woman in marine parade who was convinced bill gates was her long lost brother and i was his evil wife who was keeping the siblings apart... no i'm not kidding :P

7:46 PM  
Blogger Rohan Kumar did the happy dance and finally said..

Hmmm adventures or should I say misadventures of Mahi continue and I swear I had a bath and put on tonnes of deo b4 commenting here ;)
Think there's any possibility of half a brownie heading my way ?

10:58 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - oh yess i hate people who can't keep a lid on it when they're on the bus. If theyve got so much to say, the should just get a blog :P

sonya - HAHAHAAH i swear..people like us are flypaper for freaks. And Singapore seems to be buzzing with them.

rohan - hell if you speak the truth, i'll bake you a whole goddamn cake, boy! i like people who use deo. i really really do. :P

11:05 PM  
Blogger Adarsh A. Varghese did the happy dance and finally said..

lol! nice post and by the way, great blog!

1:38 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

thank adarsh! =D and welcome!

2:17 PM  
Blogger Arun did the happy dance and finally said..

3 weeks without taking a bath??? 3 weeks! i wonder how people can live for 3 weeks wihout taking a bath. I start itching all over on the 19th day itself!

~ Arun

8:35 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

arun - u know i thought i was hardcore..going without a bath for 10 days, but wow.
=P

12:09 AM  
Anonymous What's in the Name did the happy dance and finally said..

Yo Mahi, you have tons of pic, how about you share 'em with us, so that we can talk about you behind your back even more :P
ok ok we'll TRY to throw in a couple of "yeh she's cute" bits here and there, but that really depends if you show us those aussie pics or not.

12:10 AM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Mahi... going without a bath for 10 days. Eeks!

BTW, no nned to change the pic now. Wont make any difference!

12:57 AM  
Blogger Medha.. did the happy dance and finally said..

Mahi, i had a similar experience. I was in the train the other day and there was this (crazy) lady on the phone just screaming her gutts out..(well actually she was JUST talking to someone). But she sounded like she had swallowed a microphone or something. I gave her a weird stare, but well that didn't seem to do much help.

And about singing while walking back home, that has happened to me a lot of times! haha! Either i am singing or suddenly i think of something and start smiling to myself. Never ever assume no one's watching you cos theres always someone who is!

8:09 AM  
Blogger Medha.. did the happy dance and finally said..

Oh btw mahi, going for dandiya night tommorrow? Or do you go at all?

9:01 AM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

mahila.
you need to understand, for these stinking loud guys, the only close contact they will have with a young pretty gal like you will be on the bus.

i say give the stinka some attention. tell him he has a nice "aura". ask what cologne he's wearing. make his day. that can be your good deed for the day.

and remember..one womans stink can be anothers treasure.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

whats in your name - i have a nasty feeling that i know you.. how else would u know about them aussie pix?? come on! own up!

apoo - jeeeez didnt know u felt so strongly about the pic man...ill change itttt all in good time my friend!

medha - aren't singaporeans so notorious for thinking the world revolves around em?
no babes im not going for this weeks dandiya..im going for the next saturday one at the SSC..u going for that??

ds - awww *hug* i can always count on you for making me feel so wanted....by stinky old people.
thanks mate :P
and remember..one womans stink can be anothers treasure.
i love how you give us pearls of wisdom from your everyday life devster
haahahahahaahahah

11:20 AM  
Blogger Medha.. did the happy dance and finally said..

No i wont be going next week. I will be going tmr for dandiya nite at SSC.

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Aussie pics?...this sounds interesting! ;)

10:00 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris did the happy dance and finally said..

stinky people are the WORST! I sit beside people in the waiting room of my gynecologist's office that stink SO BAD and I can't believe those doctors have to actually get up in that! gross!

2:46 AM  
Blogger kari did the happy dance and finally said..

I used to work at a dept. store and there was a mildly, okay...grotesquely obese woman who came in smelling like a combination of bad pussy and baby powder. It was heinous. We'd have to follow her, discreetly, with a can of lysol.

4:32 AM  
Anonymous What's in the Name did the happy dance and finally said..

Does that mean we'all get to see it? preeetttyyyy pleeeeasseee

8:29 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

dawn - ewww!!! poor gynacologists..sitting next to a stinky fellow was bad enough. lets not think of whats underneath. *gag*

kari - YUCK. hahaha not one for subtlety, you guys were :P welcome!

whats in your name - who are you??! are you SPYING on me?!

12:33 AM  
Anonymous tragicomix did the happy dance and finally said..

this post makes me wish i had a car.

3:22 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

tragic - this post made me wish the stinky guy had a car.

11:19 AM  
Blogger couchpotato did the happy dance and finally said..

:lol:
Makes me wonder what one would do if one realizes one's wife is stinky, only after marriage. Of course, this is quite possible in all Indian arranged marriages. ;)

3:06 PM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Couch - If tat were to happen, I would suggest taking showers togather to promote betta hygiene n to save water while u are at it!...of cos the latter may very well not be achived as u might find urself spending more time in the shower thn u normally would as individuals! ;)

7:37 PM  
Blogger couchpotato did the happy dance and finally said..

@ Rajesh:
You have a point!

11:15 PM  
Blogger Neil Padayatty did the happy dance and finally said..

You say the lazy will inherit the world! Is that what you say? Well, that's about the best thing I've heard in a long while! But, do tell me when the time comes. I'll be asking for what is rightfully mine when the time comes!
And I do a lot of singing and talking to the person I love the most(me of course), whenever I'm talking a walk. Thank you!

8:25 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

couchie - u know what they say 'u can tell a 1000 lies to make one wedding happen' (or something like that..) :P

neil - welcome! and thank you =D and believe me..the lazy WILL inherit the earth..like it or not
:D

9:41 PM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Hmmm... so they could be lazy enuff to not have a bath, lazy enuff to not put on deo, lazy enuff not to brush their teeth.

So the world will be on stinking mess if the lazy take over. U realise your catch phrase contradicts this post?

BTW, nice pic!

10:19 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

hey wiseguy...i said 'lazy' not 'unhygienic'
thank you :p

11:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Blogroll Me!
Google