21 February, 2007

Selling my Hair and Talking to Idiots

I recently cut my hair.
It's been long overdue.. I think the last time I cut it was about a year back.
I know, I know: Holy Split-ends, Batman!

Anyway the over-zealous but extremely sweet Irene, who's been cutting my hair since the past 7 years, happily chopped off a good 3 inches.
I gulped slowly when I saw the end result, but figured that there wasn't anything I could do about spilt milk (cut hair?)

So a few minutes back the very engaged but slightly odd Dev told me that I should pull a Britney.
He dared me to sell my hair online.
He thinks you guys would actually buy it.

Camaan! You guys are too stingy to buy my ART, there's no way any of you would buy my hair!

Or would you?

Remember, it was Dev's idea.
Also if you really do want to buy my hair, for whatever reason (I don't need to know), do let me know. I'm sure we could settle on a good price.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go chop off some of my Barbie dolls hair and dye it brown.


I am really pissed off.
A few months back I bought an mp3 player with my own hard-saved allowance and what do I find? It stops working after the first time I charge it.

What. The. Hell?
This isn't what I signed up for!

I called up the company to complain and the guy says "Oh it probably isn't working because it is small and it may have a couple of loose parts.."


Calm down, the paranoid of you - I didn't get an iPod.
I should have.

And speaking of geniuses, I called up a popular Pizza take away place a few days back.
Now this is a place I call really often. They have my number, my name and my order (which never ever changes)
And yet....
Mahi - Hi, 1 large veg pizza with the stuffed crust. I don't want any tomato chunks or pineapple pieces on it please.
Woman - Huh?
Mahi - No pineapple and tomato pieces on it please.
Woman - Ohkaay...so you want our new Herb and Cheese pizza?
Mahi - ....No...I said I wanted a veg pizza...
Woman - Oh okay...so the Herb and Cheese with tomato and pineapple pieces..
Mahi - No...no, no. Look..I want a large vegetarian pizza...but skip the pineapple and tomato topping...and please make it stuffed crust.
Woman - Yes Ma'am...so large veg pizza..
Mahi - Yes..
Woman - stuffed crust...
Mahi - ..Yes...
Woman - with no topping except pineapple and tomato.
Mahi - ......

At this point I actually checked my phone to see if it was properly plugged in.

Mahi - I am going to repeat my order again okay? Can you hear me clearly?
Woman - Yes Ma'am.
Mahi - Okay. Large. Vegetarian. Stuffed crust. NO pineapple and tomato on it.
Woman - ......*mumbles to someone*
Mahi - Hello?!? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?
Woman - Sorry Ma'am, could you repeat your order?


Mahi - Okay that's it. You're obviously not listening to a word I'm saying. I have ordered this 1 million times before and no one has ever had a problem understanding it. Could you ask someone else to come on the line because for some reason, you refuse to understand my order.

Another lady came on the line, I quietly repeated my order, she said "Got it!" and that was that.

Seriously!? How hard was that?
I hate it when people are mean to waiters but this was seriously pushing it.
What would you have done?
Was I too mean?
Am I going to Hell?
Did I just get someone fired?
Am I asking too many questions?

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Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

great fan of ur blog....
got a chance to comment first on a post...
but no comments...

8:06 PM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

cool - 3 blogs in one today!

Hair - I'll bid you $2 for it. You have more art in your stand of hair than i can possibly do!

Idiots on the phone - yes i know what its like. i had to teach somebody today that swearing is 'bad' and they shouldnt swear on the phone. go figure

10:14 PM  
Blogger tetracyclops did the happy dance and finally said..

there is this cheap south indian eatery from where I usually order food. earlier i used to order lavish dinners so they never had a problem. then i started reducing my order on to uttapams and idlis and dosas.

this sunday i called them up and asked for dosa and a bottle of water. they said they wont deliver such a small order! omg what to do now.. i asked would you deliver if i add a teeny weeny idli along with it. the guy on the other side promptly put the phone!

and then i survived on biscuits and juice!

10:36 PM  
Blogger surbhi seth did the happy dance and finally said..

Mahi, I really don't know how you managed to stay so calm, (in reference to the Pizza order)... coz reading your conversation transcript was enough to make me pull my hair out!
And as for pulling a Britney... so not happening dude!!! lol:)

1:46 AM  
Blogger Surya Swamy did the happy dance and finally said..

Britney isn't bringing sexy back these days..so you'd be treading a fine line there..unless you want to deviate from the new year theme..

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Uraban Pro did the happy dance and finally said..

How about a $2.10 bid from me! Using your hair, we will extract your DNA, clone, and repopulate the whole of south India! (Now I am a horrible and mean person)

I do not get it. Why don't they train chimps to run pizzeria these days? It is not that difficult! Man I love good service places.

3:54 AM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

urban pro -
hmm i see your plan of mass-india repopulation..

if mahis genes are valuable to u...
then i raise you to $2.20!

6:31 AM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

If you are gonna indeed pull off a Britney, why dont you first start with the pantyless-wear-a-short-skirt?

Also, the bidding needs to start off from a minimum amount - something like $10 with increments of $5 or more. My hair (whatevers left) would feel very humiliated if someone ups the bid by 10 cents!

7:35 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

shyam - what a waste of a first comment! :P comment more often, i won't bite i promise

dev - $2!!?!!? what the hell? talk to the hand!
hehe u need to give me a tape of your convo..it's blogging gold :D

tetra - omg u poor thing..those bastards. the same thing (sorta) happened with my brother, but thats for another blog..biscuits and juice...dude..people in jail get better food than that :P

surbhi - -i was calm on the outside but inside my blood was starting to boil..are these people for real?!
i didnt want to pull a britney! it wasnt my idea!..damn you dev and your stupid embarassing (but funny) ideas :@

surya - oh hell no. i am totally bringing sexy back this year. but...if anyone wants to buy locks of my hair..who am i to stop them? :P heh heh heh

urbanpro - ...firstly - $2.10!? uh i think my DNA is worth a lot more than that, thank yewww.
secondly - repopulating south india with mahi clones doesnt make you horrible, it makes you smarter than the average person. it puts u up there with me :D

dev - $2.20? this is so not going the way i envisioned it.

yea for once i agree with apoo. start the bid at $10.
apoo your hair is priceless..its well on its way to extinction, that automatically raises its value :P

11:07 AM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

Hey Apoo

wanna go halves?

Hair for me - $5.
Pantyless photo for you - $5.
(Total: $10)

Discussing Mahi's body parts on her blog - priceless

1:34 PM  
Blogger chitgo did the happy dance and finally said..

hahaha mahi:)
well the point is really striking a balance between treating these guys as human beings but also realizing that you're paying for this service. I think I've achieved the perfect harmony of informing the waiter/tele-service dude that they're bumbling morons (if in fact they have acted as one), but not enough for them to resort to suicide due to a pissed-off customer.

and no, i'm not going to hell either:P

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

Dont make promises in hurry...May be I dont mind ur bite...
Do u still own any rights on ur hair? because I guess in britney's case it's hairdresser who put it for sale...


4:37 PM  
Blogger tetracyclops did the happy dance and finally said..

hey i have some news for u. my colleague fell in love with ur pic..
unfortunately, i think he also belongs to similar parentage as yours (is a Rao who speaks Tulu)..

but somehow from ur pic, he feels u r high maintenance!

and i pray, please dont get into putting up those pantyless pics! this happens to be a very family-oriented blog ;-)

have fun

6:10 PM  
Anonymous MInKU did the happy dance and finally said..

MAHIYU THE PIZZA THIN IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no la babes..they desreve it u did the rite thin

6:32 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

im serious dude...this is a family oriented blog as tetra said!

chitgo - im not worried abt them committing suicide! im worried abt them squirting/spitting bodily fluids into my food :P

this is a family oriented blog!!! :P and yes i do own rights to my own hair..why else would i wanna make money off it heh heh

tetra - DUDE! if hes tulu and a rao then that would be perfect..im already picturing the smile on my moms face.
is he single?
is he hot?
is he taller than me?
and i am SO not high maintenance :@ how dare he! pfft.
sigh. this isnt going to work. tell him im done with him.

mink - omg i cant believe i forgot to tell u abt it!!!
oye are we going to fix my mp3 player tomorrow?!?! please dont tua!

7:00 PM  
Blogger tetracyclops did the happy dance and finally said..

He is single, he is hot when he has fever and he might be taller than u if u r shorter than him! :-) but he is a nice simple guy! it's high time u get hooked! hehe..

8:43 PM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Dev - done deal!

Actually, lemme throw in another $100 from my side and lets check Mahi into rehab. She needs all the help she can get into doing a 'Britney'

10:27 PM  
Blogger Renovatio did the happy dance and finally said..

I remember someone once plugged an mp3 player into the power outlet through the headphones jack... Possibly what you did? :p
I feel your pain about parting with hair... I lost about three inches of it when three of the women in my life ganged up on me... There's still like 7 inches or so left, but I miss those three inches... they were like extensions of my... hair... very poetic eh?

1:37 PM  
Blogger AYTIDA did the happy dance and finally said..

hehe so its a mahi vs britney going on huh!! loved the post but am starting to enjoy the comments even more :)

do let me know if there's a rise on the bid. i start bidding only when there's competition from all sides :p

5:25 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

tetra - sigh..maybe ure right...its starting to get lonely at the top..haha..tell him 5'9 in height. he'd better be taller coz i dont like wearing flats.

apoo - im gonna ban comments from u and dev :@ I DO NOT NEED REHAB!!!!

renovatip - welcome..ure new here right?
ok hello? i am a complete geek believe it or not. do u THINK i'd screw up something that simple? ha i dont think SO!
woah..how long is ure hair? i wanna see a pic!
i feel ure pain. i feel your pain

aditya - this is NOT A MAHI VS BRITNEY..and if the war is about who's crazier, then britney wins - hands down.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Raindrop did the happy dance and finally said..

Hm. I wouldn't be worried if she got fired, she clearly can't take orders. Doesn't sound like she'll last very long, and it isn't your fault. Plus, you didn't sound mean at all.

And thanks for making me miss pizza, my Pizza Hut at home had the best tandoori paneer pizza. Crap, now I'm going to think about it all day. 'murrican pizza's just not spicy enough for me.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Renovatio did the happy dance and finally said..

'Renovatip' is an interesting typo, either way, my hair's down to the bottom of my neck, kinda hard to tie it these days without stretching some of the neck hair, and that... well... hurts...
Also, my apologies for the non-geek suggestion of frying your mp3 player, you must've put some... uh... unrecognized file into it... that sound like a geeky enough way to ruin one? I in fact need a geek's help... I downloaded an album and all the files were .flac...now my beloved itunes can't play them... and that sucks...

Your pizza hut rant reminds me of an episode in gurgaon, they got our orders all wrong, then they went back in and got them all wrong again, and then finally, this woman picks up a glass to take a sip, and for some reason the base of the glass stays on the table, and she's got this glass tube in her hand and she calls out, "excuse me, your bottom fell off"... that more than made up for the bad orders. To make a (rather weak) point, we DIDN'T ring their new bell!

4:24 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

raindrop - oh yeaa i remember when i visited bombay i ordered dominoes tandoori paneer pizza..first time i ever tasted it and it rocked my world! the pizza varieties outside of india are so boring!

renovatio - omg im so sorry for the typo!
.flac eh? i dont have much experience with anything apple related (unless you're talking about the fruit that we eat..i make an awesome apple pie. but i digress..) anyway why dont u just try renaming the file extension to whatever the extension usually is?
lol i cant believe the glass base came off!! thats always a sign that the restaurant is a shitty one!

5:53 PM  
Blogger Renovatio did the happy dance and finally said..

It was pizza hut :p
I happen to love apple pie... I'd sell my soul for apple pie... with vanilla ice cream... hot apple pie, with melting vanilla ice cream (droool)

10:34 PM  

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