Wedding Invites, anyone?

Okay, so here's what was happening - My darling friend Mink's sister is getting married, so it naturally fell upon her to do the delivering of the wedding invites. And me being the darling that I am, I offered to keep her company.
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Boy...I'm not kidding when I say that had to be the single most entertaining day of my LIFE!

Before I launch into The Story, I must lay some groundwork-
1) I never realised before that it was customary to offer (forcefeed?) sweets and other savouries to the deliverers of the invites..I was soon made aware of this custom.
2) Older Indian men talk A LOT.
3) When in doubt about what is being said, it is wise to always smile and nod. Do NOT make them explain what they say, for they will do so in Great Detail.
4) I think the talking fatigued me more than the travelling (which was done in a car- airconditioned). We must have spent about an average of 40 minutes in each house.
5) Most importantly- never ever EAT before visiting. At the end of such trips, you will feel as if you are bursting at the seams. It's very unflattering.

Okay let's start at the start.


First house we visited was fine.

Second house was NOT fine.
At home was a Sindhi man. Between 60-65 years of age. Balding. Nice straight teeth (dentures?). Talked alot. In Sindhi, of which I only understood a smattering.
So we came in, Mink, him and I exchanged the usual pleasantaries..and then it began.

To say that this man was proud of his house, was a gross understatement.

In between dumping food into our unwilling hands, he showed us every nook and cranny (newly furnished), every bedsheet and pillowcover (always matching) , every cupboard and drawer (brown with gold lines), every toiletseat and towel hanger (green with sea shells on the inside), every drink (a lot, he made a couple of drink jokes which I didn't get), every God picture (drinks and God pictures were in the same cupboard, which I thought was a little retarded and blasphemous), every light switch (seriously he felt the need to give us a demo. come on man,how hard can it be to understand a light switch), down to the drawer handles and the type of cutlery (from Japan) he had...God he showed us EVERYTHING in it's mind numbing detail.

With great glee he showed us his massage chair. He hopped into it. I'm serious. He Hopped..like a kid with ADHD, laid down straight and pressed a button. The leg rest shot out, his slippers flew and hit the TV and the back rest went all the way back.
And all the while he had this scary, crazed smile.

He then gave us some chips to eat and disappeared for two minutes.
Mink: Let's pretend like we're eating it
Mahi: Okay!
-Rustling of bag, "Mmm this is delicious!", noisy dusting off of hands-
Our sneaky ploy didn't work. He came back with MORE food and I'm not joking when I say this...he forced the sweets into my MOUTH. He bypassed the hands altogether.

He then started talking to me in rapid Sindhi. I just smiled sweetly, waited for him to finish and then I said "I'm not Sindhi."
He looked put off.
Then we got saved by the bell..literally. Some furniture guys were at the door..this was our chance!
We bid him goodbye, he didn't really notice, he was too busy being annoyed at the furniture guys..so we left..with chocolate wafers in our hands (which we later disposed off because we were too full and they had gone soft.)


Next house we went to had this nice lady. She has two sons - X1 and X2. Mink told her about the wedding and how people were putting up dances. Then Mink said "Aunty, get X2 to do a dance!"
My smile froze and I turned to Stare at Mink. Did she not recall.......
"I mean, X1 is so good at dancing, we saw him dance last time at so-and-so function..I'm sure X2 can dance as well as him!"
Mother vociferously agreed.
My smile was still frozen. Apparently Mink recalled....that X1 danced...like he had hit an invisible electric fence.
She turned and smiled at me. I still don't know how that cow could control her laughter..just thinking of X1's maniacal dancing sends me into hysterics..but I bit my tongue, nodded and diplomatically said "Yes. X1 dances well."
Mother vociferously agreed again.

Oh how I cursed Mink.


The next house we went to, had a chatty old man who was married to a young thang.
When I say 'chatty' I actually mean 'didn't-shut-the-hell-up-for-5-seconds'
He asked Mink when her turn for marriage would be and she gave him a vague answer and then he turned to me
"And you??"
"Haha, I honestly have no idea, I have to find me a man first!"
"Oh come on! You're so pretty and with your personality, you shouldn't have a problem!"
"You'd be surprised." I chuckled and shrugged..and then thought 'Well, he's RIGHT.'

It was then when he took it upon himself to be the Seeker Of My Groom.
He said "Tell me when you're ready -wink- I already have a boy in mind."
I laughed and said "Thank you.." and then laughed some more when I thought of my mother's reaction to finding out that I was getting married to a Sindhi boy found by a complete Sindhi stranger.
His wife however, whispered with great Hostility "Uske liye already ek ladki hai." (We already have a girl for him.)
He just waved off what she said and continued to look very pleased with himself.
After a l0ng talk about the political scene in Singapore, psychiatry and psychology and husbandry, we left.

(I must say I was very impressed that none of the people went "OOoh! So you can read my mind!" when I told them I studied psychology. If I had heard anyone say that ONE MORE TIME, I'd have gone NUTS and said "That's called being 'psychic'. Dumbass." )


The next house we visited was one of a popular man. He wasn't home so we had a little talk with the wife. She was handsome, simple and spoke well. Her eyes and smile held great intelligence and humanity in them. I felt immense respect for her.
She told us sadly that if she had a choice she would have never got married at all.
"I'n pretty sure Uncle loves me, but I'm indifferent." She said very matter-of-factly.
She cautioned us against entering marriages with our favourite pair of rose-tinted glasses on..."..but I'm jaded already"
She smiled wistfully.

She told us horror stories about her mother-in-law and she said she told her kids that they didnt have to get married at all...hearing such things that were polar opposites of everything that I had grown up hearing, was a bit of a shock.
I felt sad for her because I felt she deserved better. Sure, no one needs to be in a great marriage to be happy but I couldn't help feeling that she was someone who badly wanted to know love, even now.
My own parents, who've had their usual tiffs, are still very much in love.
But it was good for both Mink and I to hear about what she had been through. I think we received an important education in those 45 minutes..the mood was very serious.
We bid her goodbye and gave her a hug.


The best visit was the one where no one was home. We passed the invite to the maid, and high fived each other.

We visited more houses, but those had some semblance of normalcy that we were used to.
But the men still talked incessantly. And they still insisted we eat.



I honestly think the talking fatigued me the most. And the smiling. The constant smiling made my face muscles feel like they were going to drop dead.
I went to bed, and I think the second my head touched the pillow, I fell asleep.
I had the most seamless, deep sleep I had ever had in a long time.