Peak Hour Lessons

So after work, Arpeeta and I decided to meet up at her cousins cafe..

Digression #1- Her cousin Puja owns this scrumptious eatery called 'Paisley & Cream' and the food there is absolutely DELISH. The deco is lovely, the food is not only delicious but comes in healthy proportions..none of that 'Here's your spaghetti..all 4 strands of it' rubbish. I've got warm, fuzzy feelings towards that place coz I spent many a day working there when I was jobless (I got paid in cupcakes..which by the way, are mindblowing). Anyway..go visit it! Go, go, go! Tell them you know Mahi, you may get a cookie for free..you never know!

Digression #2- Yes, I've started work! It's at an advertising agency and so far, I'm loving it! The environment is creative, the radio is on all day, the colleagues are dirty minded, the work is challenging yet fun...have I mentioned how much I love it?
(Dear Boss..if you're reading this..please increase my pay. Thank you. You're awesome.)

So carrying on, I decided to take a cab to Paisley & Cream, from my workplace.
Bad idea.

Let this be a lesson to all of you, please do not even think of taking a cab during peak hour. I reckon the surcharges are MORE than the actual fare. In fact, the only reason why the fare keeps increasing is because of those goddammned traffic lights. Bloody hell.
Also, if you get a cabbie who goes 'Haaahhhh?' when you mention a location, please hop the hell out of the cab. Coz not only will there be a lot of under-the-surface hostility between passenger and cabbie (because you now hate the cabbie for being an idiot and because the cabbie hates you for making him feel like an idiot) but also because you're just going to waste a butt-load of money on what could've been a super short ride HAD the cabbie just listened to me or known just where the hell he was going.


I actually get along pretty damn well cabbies. For some reason they love telling me their life stories, not that I'm complaining..I enjoy listening and I like to throw in the occasional "How unfair!" or "Terrible..absolutely terrible" or "Oh! Your wife is such. a. whore!"

But ugh. I really dislike cabbies who blame their lack of sense of direction on me. If I knew how to get there, I'd walk or take the damn bus, man!


*Napoleon Dynamite style*
GOSH!!

No Meat, No Cry

I'm sorry everyone I know it's been ages since I posted..thank you everyone who's been pushing me to post :P
I've had guests coming over since April, it's quite literally been non stop.

Okay back to the gossip!

Vegetarians in Singapore, please do learn how to say 'No meat' or 'vegetarian' in Chinese.

Mink and I ate out at this place TP recently. TP is one of those places that we go to all the time and its always interesting because every time you order the same dish, it always comes to you tasting like something completely different! Not only does it taste different, it also looks different. We still go there, coz hey! It keeps things interesting.

But that's the least of the Vegetarian's worries.
We usually order 2 plates of noodles and 2 plates of tofu.

Genius Mink learns how to order food in Chinese but forgets the term for 'vegetarian' and 'no meat' (Keep in mind these waitresses are usually Thai or from mainland China.) So first we have to get past the hurdle of letting the waitress know that we want NO MEAT in it
This is usually accomplished by first repeating somewhere between 8 to 500 times that there should be no meat - i.e no fish, no chicken, no beef, no lamb, no nothing-that-has-a-circulatory system-and-eyes, in the dish.


In our numerous and unfortunate experiences, that usually doesn't work.

So we move on to hand gestures, which is actually a lot more funnier and embarrassing than it sounds.
All this has to be done when ordering the tofu AND the noodles. So altogether we go through this ordeal twice.

So after all that lovely foreplay, our noodles arrive, I take one bite and I think 'The tofu here is a lot more chewy than I remember..and so much more flavorful too! Aaaaaaarrrrrgh'

We send that back, and in the mean time our tofu dishes arrive.

It looks dodgy.
I try one misshapen piece of tofu and yep, once again the cooks have decided that they don't like vegetarians on this particular night and hence must try, very evil-ly, all possible means to get us to ingest meat.

We order a sauce and weirdly enough, even THAT has meat in it.
:S

Are they out to get us or what? Why can't they just leave us be?
I know..the cooks were also probably wondering the same thing.

SO once again, we send the tofu back.

Our NEW plate of noodles arrives..this time its a sad pile. We must've obviously pissed off the cooks coz it looked and tasted like they had just boiled it and threw in a few sorry pieces of cabbage and egg. The tofu comes too and I can taste the hatred in it.

Well, whatever. We're too hungry to care now.
Hey at least it's vegetarian! We take what we can get here.

This has happened at TP so many times, I've lost count.

Singapore is so terribly unfriendly towards vegetarians. I've gotten used to ignoring the random piece of chicken in my dish every now and then. I've altogether stopped visiting fastfood places coz Fries are not my idea of food (comfort food, maybe).

Get with the Vegetarian program, Singapore.
Oh, and all you meat-eating barbarians are going to HELL, I tell ya, HELL!

Selling my Hair and Talking to Idiots

I recently cut my hair.
It's been long overdue.. I think the last time I cut it was about a year back.
I know, I know: Holy Split-ends, Batman!

Anyway the over-zealous but extremely sweet Irene, who's been cutting my hair since the past 7 years, happily chopped off a good 3 inches.
I gulped slowly when I saw the end result, but figured that there wasn't anything I could do about spilt milk (cut hair?)

So a few minutes back the very engaged but slightly odd Dev told me that I should pull a Britney.
He dared me to sell my hair online.
He thinks you guys would actually buy it.

Camaan! You guys are too stingy to buy my ART, there's no way any of you would buy my hair!

Or would you?
:S

Remember, it was Dev's idea.
Also if you really do want to buy my hair, for whatever reason (I don't need to know), do let me know. I'm sure we could settle on a good price.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go chop off some of my Barbie dolls hair and dye it brown.

***

I am really pissed off.
A few months back I bought an mp3 player with my own hard-saved allowance and what do I find? It stops working after the first time I charge it.

What. The. Hell?
This isn't what I signed up for!

I called up the company to complain and the guy says "Oh it probably isn't working because it is small and it may have a couple of loose parts.."

HEY BOY-GENIUS. IF IT HAS LOOSE PARTS, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SELLING IT?

Calm down, the paranoid of you - I didn't get an iPod.
I should have.
Buggery.


And speaking of geniuses, I called up a popular Pizza take away place a few days back.
Now this is a place I call really often. They have my number, my name and my order (which never ever changes)
And yet....
Mahi - Hi, 1 large veg pizza with the stuffed crust. I don't want any tomato chunks or pineapple pieces on it please.
Woman - Huh?
Mahi - No pineapple and tomato pieces on it please.
Woman - Ohkaay...so you want our new Herb and Cheese pizza?
Mahi - ....No...I said I wanted a veg pizza...
Woman - Oh okay...so the Herb and Cheese with tomato and pineapple pieces..
Mahi - No...no, no. Look..I want a large vegetarian pizza...but skip the pineapple and tomato topping...and please make it stuffed crust.
Woman - Yes Ma'am...so large veg pizza..
Mahi - Yes..
Woman - stuffed crust...
Mahi - ..Yes...
Woman - with no topping except pineapple and tomato.
Mahi - ......

At this point I actually checked my phone to see if it was properly plugged in.

Mahi - I am going to repeat my order again okay? Can you hear me clearly?
Woman - Yes Ma'am.
Mahi - Okay. Large. Vegetarian. Stuffed crust. NO pineapple and tomato on it.
Woman - ......*mumbles to someone*
Mahi - Hello?!? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?
Woman - Sorry Ma'am, could you repeat your order?

W.t.f?

Mahi - Okay that's it. You're obviously not listening to a word I'm saying. I have ordered this 1 million times before and no one has ever had a problem understanding it. Could you ask someone else to come on the line because for some reason, you refuse to understand my order.

Another lady came on the line, I quietly repeated my order, she said "Got it!" and that was that.


Seriously!? How hard was that?
I hate it when people are mean to waiters but this was seriously pushing it.
What would you have done?
Was I too mean?
Am I going to Hell?
Did I just get someone fired?
Am I asking too many questions?

The One where Mahi goes to Chennai!

Wow it's been ages since I've updated this baby, hasn't it?
I've been a shitty-arsed blog visitor too, please forgive me..you still love me right?

(I know you do.)

Anyway!
I'm back from my short trip to Chennai (thats in South India for those of who couldn't give a rat's ass about geography).
My mom and I went for my second cousins thread ceremony. Along with meeting up with long lost relatives Mom also thought it would be an opportune time to unleash Mahi onto the unsuspecting public. Heh heh. Good ol' Mom.

I don't quite know where to begin...
Most of you know that I've always had this slight fear of India..you know too much noise, too many people, too much everything (but then again, compared to Singapore, any place would seem like too much). But this time around I found myself enjoying the hustle and bustle of the life there.

The place had character. The traffic sucked big time though. There was no concept of staying in one line or actually glancing at the traffic signal. There was liberal use of full-on flood lights, followed by liberal temporary blindness which was followed by liberal near-death experiences.
Cool!

Speaking of 'cool!', I met Mom's side of the family after nearly 8 years.
I've always been very fond of all of Mom's cousins and their kids and her aunts and uncles. They're an affectionate lot. It's a huge family and all of them make it a point to have a sort of reunion every now and then. It's amazing how much the family has expanded. One of my grand-aunts now has 10 grandchildren! Thats 10 second cousins in a flash! I've got to work overtime on my family tree now.
It's our custom to touch the feet of the elders and every time I did that, they would bless me with the utterance "May you get a good husband." I guess in this day and age, it's not such a bad blessing to receive, eh?

All of them speak Tulu and I found myself drifting to a pleasant place while all of them spoke rapid-fire Tulu. Sort of like a babbling brook. It was so nice to hear, even though I didn't understand 90% of what they said. 4 days ago I could speak only a smattering- just enough to tell the people at these functions to stop loading my banana leaf with food. I would just smile and nod and mutter the occasional "Yes, yes correct" or "No, no!" (complete with an edge of panic in my voice) and that seemed to please them. But something weird happened- as if by osmosis, or diffusion for those of you who are anal about these terms, I started to actually speak a few phrases of Tulu. A few well formed phrases at that! Enough to make decent conversation! Mom and her aunts and cousins were shocked. God bless the unconscious absorbtion of information.

Speaking of banana leaves, sitting on the ground to eat with your hands can be a real bitch for someone who sits at a table and eats with a fork, knife and spoon 99.9% of the time. I managed to eat whatever came my way with measured small handfuls (fingerfuls?). Of course there were the usual 5..10.. 50 people laughing at my sad attempts all the way. But I like to think I did good.

Speaking of 'good', it was nice to realise that good looks run in the family too.
Heh heh heheh heheh.
(What? I never said I was modest!)
Mom's side of the family had people with pink skin and amber-green eyes.
What the hell? I've got brown eyes and brown skin.
Goddamn you, Genetics!
*Mahi shakes a fist*
But then again, even the ones without those feline features were pretty damn good looking too.
I know, I know, I'm being superficial and all that, but I like to give credit where it's due, okay?

Speaking of 'pretty damn good', let's talk about FOOD, people.
Singapore is forever calling itself as a foodie's paradise but compared to the food in India, it's just downright insipid.
The food there was completely and utterly mindblowing! I told Mom I would move there just for the food. At this point I could practically hear Mom gleefully thinking "Hee hee, single eligible bachelors in India, get readyyyyyyy!"

And finally speaking of bachelors, I didn't see many of them around but I did see their mothers and grandmothers around. These ladies are a force to be reckoned with.
They scare me.
There was a lot of whispering and hush-hush talk about prospective grooms and all that.
C'est la vie.
*Shrugs*

Oh and I shopped too.
Hehehe

The flights sucked ass but all in all I had an amazing time.

Here's to family ties
-clink-

Overheard conversations. Mostly involving me...Overheard by me.

Phew, has this year gone by fast or what?

I thought about doing a recollection of everything important that happened to me this year, but I think I'll forgo that mostly because
1) I'm assuming you've been faithfully reading my posts to know what's happened.
2) I'm too lazy to do it. Now, now. Don't chastise me. Look at my blog's title. That should've given you a fair bit of warning.

So let's instead indulge in a bit of easy chit-chat..okay more like I'll tell you of a few interesting conversations and you read and nod and say "Aye..aye..been there. I feel you sistah!" and other such nice things.


Mink - Mahi, you're such a fussy vegetarian.
Mahi - I know! I've been told that so many times. Are you a fussy vegetarian too?
Mink - I don't know..am I?
Mahi - Okay...Eggplant?
Mink - Ohmigod I LOVE eggplant
Mahi - I hate it...Lady's finger?
Mink - I LOVE lady's finger!
Mahi - Yuck. Too slimy. Pumpkin?
Mink - I'm not too fond of it actually
Mahi - Oh pumpkin is okay when it's in pumpkin soup...Potato?
Mink - I love potato!
Mahi - Me too!! Yaaayy!!
Mink - Yaaaay!!
-Mahi and Mink actually flutter fingers together-
Mahi - Okay, okay what abouuuut tomato?
Mink - I like it!
Mahi - Oo I don't mind it but not when it's chunky
Mink - Mahi you don't like authentic Chinese food anymore right?
Mahi - Yea I'm a bit turned off by it. I developed a sort of taste aversion to it after puking once
Mink - What about tofu?
Mahi - Omg I love tofu!
Mink - Reeeally???
Mahi - Yes! Especially black pepper tofu! What about yoghurt?
Mink - I love yoghurt! I could eat a whole tub of it!
Mahi - Nyehh..I'm okay with yoghurt..just a 2 or 3 tablespoons...no no wait maybe 5 tablespoons....

At this point we here a thunk and we turn to see Kunal (Arpu's brother, who happened to be sitting at the dinner table with us) thumping his fist on the table and then holding his head in his hands and laughing. But I think he was laughing not coz he was tickled but because our conversation was driving him nuts.
"Jesus. You guys would have gone on and on and on. What's wrong with the two of you?"
Arpu was just shaking her head. I think she was wondering why exactly she had called us over. No scratch that, I think she was wondering how we even managed to reach her house in one piece.

Mahi - Mink, is today Tuesday?
Mink - Wait, tomorrow is...Wednesday..so..-calculates- Yes! Today is Tuesday!
Mahi - Yaaaayy!!

In our defence, Tuesdays is when we get half-priced waffles and icecream from Gelares. You have to be VERY SURE it's a Tuesday in order to actually not pay wayyy too much for waffles and icecream. You would be very careful about calculating what day it was if you were in my place, right?
Right?
..........Right?


Mink - -while listening to the radio- Mahi, why isn't Usher releasing any new songs??
Mahi - -sarcastically- Should I call up his manager and find out?
Mink - -sarcastically back- Why don't you just call up Usher himself?
-Silent moment as Mahi realises that this is an unprecedented event. Mink rarely screws Mahi over and if she does, it's not a very good attempt-
Mahi - Awwwww Mink you screwed me over! I'm so proud of you!!!
Mink - Me too!!!!!
-Mahi and Mink do fluttery hands thingie-

Arpu found this stomach-clutchingly hilarious when this happened..after she got out of the car, Mink and I looked at each other. "What a loser." "It wasn't even that funny." "Yea."
We're such juveniles. Who woulda thunk that Mink is gonna graduate with a major in Mathematics, me with major in psychology and Arpu a major in biochemistry (or something like that..I'm still not sure what her degree is..Arpu what the hell is it that you do anyway?)


Sharul and I were having a conversation on men.
Sharul - Mahi, there are going to be some pretty hot guys at this club you know..
Mahi - I know..problem is the minute they open their mouths to talk, you just want to kill yourself.
Sharul - You should just tape up his mouth and rape him then.
-Mahi and Rishi, who's incidentally Sharul's boyfriend, just stare at her for a long time, in stunned silence-
Mahi - What the hell have you two been doing together?
Rishi - Honest to God, I have no idea where that came from.

All of us were just a bit disturbed that night :P

We were all invited to Roohi's one night for dinner
Roohi - You guuuuys! I made the dinner! Every single dish! I hope you guys love it!

Upon arriving we were astounded to see a spread of dishes....and a salad consisting of chopped up lettuce and carrots.
Mahi - Wow Roohi, this stuff tastes amazing! How on earth did you manage to make all of this?
Roohi - - smiles delightedly and ignores question- Have some salad!
Roohi's Mom - Haha! She didn't make all this...I did! She made that -points to the salad that no one had touched yet-
-Roohi stops smiling and everyone tries their best to stifle their laughter-
Nirav (who incidentally is Roohi's boyfriend) - -slowly reaches out a takes a leaf of cabbage and munches encouragingly- Well.........the cabbage tastes....great..
Mahi - Hehehehehehe
Roohi - Bitch.


Ahhhhh God bless my friends, I love em all I know I don't say that as often as I should.
However I have one bone to pick with them.
Will you assholes (my gang..not you lovely dear readers) please stop going out on couple dates so much and REMEMBER your sole single friend every now and then??!?
I swear to God, I think I'm gonna end up a sad angry spinster who spends too much time baking and lives in a house with too many dogs.

Nah I'm kidding. Of course I won't be mad. After all, I'll make sure I have gorgeous young toy boys spending lotsa quality time with me.

:D

Happy New Year Everyone!
Don't forget to break that New Year's Resolution that you just made ;)