Mirror mirror, on the wall...

Is it possible to feel yourself age by about 10 years, in a matter of days, coz I could've sworn that wrinkle wasn't there a few days ago.

I've been living the saying 'When it rains, it POURS' and I'm not just talking about the blasted weather here.

Mom's been ill and I've taken about a week off work to look after her and it's been exhausting.
There.
I said it.

I love my mom and I hate seeing her under the weather, but wow...you only start to notice your own strained neck muscles, tensed up shoulders, intense exhaustion and delicately held-together sanity when the day is finally through.
Add to the mix the looming possibility of my (already paid-for) holiday plans falling through, a boy with issues that may or may not be because of me and a whole host of other annoyances....and I have my very own ticking bomb just waiting to go off - Me.


Jesus.
What's going on.
I'm sure to everyone else I look the same but I feel like a totally different person altogether.
Biggest thing I've learnt so far? That some things are just better left to work themselves out. You can't control didley.

Let it be, let it be, let it be.

In a way, realising that is such a relief.

In the mean time, all I can do is try... and leave the rest to the big guy in the sky.


Update: Sure, Nelly Furtado sang a little ditty about all good things coming to an end, but I'd love to add some fine print to that - All bad things come to an end, as well :)
Things are looking up.
Thanks for the kind words guys!

Okay, okay so here's what I've gathered so far....

With the imminent arrival of my birthday, it's become harder for me to avoid blogging. I missed not doing a reflection of 2007, so I'm making up for it now.

So true to the title of the post, here we go -

... after joining work in 2007, I learnt more than I've learnt in the past couple of years. And I'm not talking profession-wise. I've learnt people are even more sneaky, contradictory and sometimes more caring than I give them credit for.

... I've seen pure joy in a person's eyes, thanks to me. There you have it. I didn't know how else to make that sound modest haha. The grinning-and-giggling feedback loop it causes is absolutely hilarious.

... I've learnt to say 'No', but nicely and when it really counts. I am, however, still in the process of learning not to feel guilty for saying 'No'.

... I've noticed (a few? some? all?) people are torn between the urge to stand up and applaud you for believing in your fairytale and yet at the same time, can't wait to rip it to shreds. Most of the time they give in to the latter urge.

... I believe, more than ever, in my fairytales and my reality. I'm allowed to have my dreams. If yours didn't work out well for you, then I'm sorry. But I won't allow you to take me down with you. If I have to fall, if my faith has to be shattered, then so be it. Till then.. don't rain on my parade :)

... You have to learn to laugh and let go - of people, of words, of occurences. Not allowing yourself to do so will kill you on the inside.

... Letting go ain't so bad!

... I'm learning the difference between acceptance and resignation.

... Accepting someone for who they are - warts and all, is terrifying but liberating.

... I've become so much more closer to my parents. It's lovely. I'm learning things about their personalities that I never noticed before. I'd have never accepted this, but I guess it's true that they sort of start to move into 'friend' territory once you hit a certain age. I'm lucky coz for me, it was a seamless transition and it was great.

... Growing up is alright. There's a bump in road ever so often and a scuffle here and there. But it's fairly doable :)

(PS - I still hate that Valentine's Day and my birthday is coming up, but I still want to be wished. I'll put that under the '...I'm learning to be more selfish' category, but that goes without saying :P)

I'll Help Ya Mend*

*Title taken from Electric President's "Snow on Dead Neighborhoods"

A Very Merry Christmas, Everyone!
(My dad and I spent waaay too much time arguing about this. "Mahi, there's no such thing as a 'Very' Merry Christmas. It's just 'Merry Christmas' "
Sheesh.
Bah Humbug or what?
Well, Dad, if you're reading this, and I really hope you're not, you need to lighten up AND read more X-mas cards.
Minor rant.
Sorry.)

It's common knowledge that I'm a real downer on my birthday and valentine's day.
We need to add 'New Year's Eve' to that list.
I know. I'm full of surprises.
Sigh. I won't go into the details...I'll save that for the unlucky person who's going to be my therapist in the future.


The upside is, I think it's nice sometimes, when there's someone who asks "But why?" and then goes on to say (in so many words) "You're nuts Mahi."

It's not the cure, but it made me laugh and it's what I need sometimes.


Do I sound grateful?
I guess I am!


Thank you... and a Very Merry Christmas to you :)

Egg-hunting.

While on the topic of seeing many people at the same time versus seeing one person, a friend mentioned something pretty profound that stumped me.

Me: An optimistic person has many many eggs in their basket!
Friend: An optimistic person needs only one egg.


Hmm..
You know..I never thought about it in that way..

Missing out.

I remember a time in my life, when I must have been about 7 or 8- I had got the idea in my head that I was the reincarnation of Lord Krishna. It's ironic that while now we have such defined divisions of whats male and female, back then those divisions didn't matter..after all God was God, regardless of gender.

I would walk around my grandparents with a flute in hand, wearing a salwar without its kameez, my one main aim to steal the fresh, white butter that my grandmother had just churned.

After I would find the butter, which my grandmother would always deviously hide behind the water pot, I would carefully smear some near my mouth - a blatant sign of my thievery, and then I would dance in front of my grandparents in celebration of my missions success.

These days, life just seems like a series of 'ups' and 'downs', which sometimes follow each other far too quickly for me to keep up.
The 'downs' tire me..the 'ups' - even more so.

When did happiness become something you had to work for? When did happiness become something you had to bend over backwards to earn? When did happiness start to cost you peace of mind?

And then I start to wonder if it had always been like this..if happiness and sadness were just mere states we told ourselves we were in, after a run in with lady luck. If the next down was inevitable because you were only this happy if something was being prepared to be taken away from you.

Then I think back to my grandparents. And how my days were made with their loving smiles at my innocent act of thievery.
And I think a part of me inwardly weeps for those days.

You know you're of Marriageable Age when...

- ...your mom (or my mom) starts insisting that you start keeping your own cookbook because you need to practice for some 'serious cooking'. Apple Pie, Mother, is PRETTY serious cooking in my world.
Yes. I now have my own cookbook in which I write recipes dictated by my Mom when she is cooking said recipe.
I opened a drawer and there were loads of notebooks all waiting to be written in (don't ask me why, but I really like collecting notebooks and diaries).
I chose the one that used to be my old diary (I wrote about 6 entries before I grew...you guessed it - Lazy.) So anyway I decided to read a couple of entries. Back when my brother was a menace, I used to purposely write my angst-filled rantings in tiiiiiny font. Really tiny- hoping that this would be a deterrant to all future pesky diary readers. Well it still works. I stopped reading the minute I saw how tiny the words were (This could also be cross-referenced in another blog post - You know you're getting Old when...)

-... your mom starts talking about how she knows the BEST places to shop for your wedding outfit and trousseau.

-...your Doctor thinks you've fallen ill because you are stressing about a Boy and starts telling you how a girl is allowed to have the upper hand in a marriage. I can safely say (for now) that a Boy is the least of my worries....sort of.

-... older women get glassy eyed when they look at you. Like their minds are working at breakneck speeds to find a Suitable Boy for the Girl in front of them. They start to ask CV-like questions 'What have you studied?', 'What's your height? 5'9? Oh no, too tall..but don't worry I'm sure we'll find you someone..'(Yea. Thanks.) They also start to coo about how said Girl is 'glowing'..... :S Yea. Don't ask.

-... you start getting worried about putting up those extra photo frames on the wall, coz let's face it - it's going to be a pain to take down allllll those frames when you have to leave for your own house. (Yep, this is how lazy people decide what goes up and what stays in a box)

-... people start telling you to lose a few more kilos so you can look stunning in your wedding outfit. Okay, between you and me, what's the point of killing yourself trying to fit into the outfit, when you're just going to put back all that weight (and then some) after the wedding?

-... you start to seriously calculate for how long you want to enjoy marriagehood until u start on the parenthood leg of the journey. Aiyaiyaiyaaaaiii.

-... you get all glassy-eyed and smiley-faced watching your friend try on her engagement outfit and picking out her jewelery, while you think "Wow..I can't wait for my turn.." and it seems like an inevitable reality as compared to a 16 year old's wishful thinking.


What else have I missed out in the list??

Love 101: Love For Dummies.

I may have posted about this before or maybe it seems familiar simply because I've thought about this so often..but here goes-

How do you know you're in love?
(Now I just KNOW some of you are going to go "Awww Mahi's in love" but before you DO venture into that territory, please let it be known that the question was asked out of pure curiosity on my part. Just pure curiosity.)

So back to it.
How do you know?

Do you just wake up one morning saying "Eureka!" (or whatever it is you exclaim when you suddenly get something)
Do you get conked over the head by this amazing epiphany, at some part of your day?
Does it feel different from other experiences that have to do with affairs of the heart?
For that matter, does it feel like every other experience you've had and are you just taking a hopeful stab in the dark?
Do you feel like you're finally home? But if you're the sort who gets along with everyone, at what point does 'Quality Control' come in?

I've seen friends who are in love, and I think I must've asked them this question - How do you know? about a million times, hoping that when the Love Of My Life comes jauntily walking along, I'll be sure not to miss him (that's a huge fear of mine, by the way- missing out on a lost opportunity...yea you learn something new everyday!). Oh, how simple it would make matters if he wore a sign on his head or something.

But for some odd reason I can't seem to remember what their answers are.

Mostly coz I think all their answers are different.

So my conclusion is that there isn't some set equation that explains what Love is.
(I know, I know..there are many sorts of love but I'm talking about 'Love-of-your-life' sorta love)

Which brings me back to Square One : This Love stuff is annoying.
If only I knew how to recognise it, I wouldn't be asking such daft questions and annoying you lot with my incessant babbling.


Have a fruitful weekend ya'll!

You turn every head, but you don't see Me.

My heart goes out to anyone who lost someone at the Virginia Tech massacre.

There are thousands of questions running through my head - why didn't the authorities do anything after the first shots? Didn't anyone see the madman walking for almost a kilometer to Norris Hall? Didn't anyone spot the chained doors of Norris Hall? What was going through his head? If they knew the murderer had shown signs of being disturbed, why wasn't he counseled?

Thousands.


When I heard the news it was 6.30am. I was pretty much struck senseless. All I could think about was if my friend there was alive. I've never in my life had to wonder if a dear one was still alive. It's probably the worst feeling in the world.
Words can't really describe the relief that flooded me when he answered the phone.


It's sad that it takes a tragedy of such a monumental proportion to force us to look at people in a brand new light. A tainted light.
The people of my generation have witnessed The Columbine High School shootings, September 11th, The Bali Bombings, The war in Iraq (amongst many others) and now this.

We're missing something. Something is not going right.


But at the end of the day, I'm just heartbroken at the senselessness of it all.



A parent should never have to bury their child.

Tainted.

*Warning* Really bad language up ahead.


I am SO incredibly angry today.

I boarded the bus today, on my way to the university. I sat next to a lady and since it was quit early in the morning, I started to doze off.
I didn't completely doze off though. Because about 4 rows ahead of me, a construction worker kept turning around and staring. I figured that he was probably looking for empty seat at the back.
I shut my eyes for what must have been about 3 minutes and when I opened them, he was no longer there. I assumed he must have gotten off.
He hadn't.
That bastard had moved to the back, where he had a better view of how empty/full the bus was. You'll see what I mean later.
After a while, about 70% of the people on the bus got off, including the lady who was sitting next to me. When this happens I usually like to move inside, i.e : shift to the window seat and then sit slightly diagonally, simply because my legs are too long and I cant sit facing the front completely..hence the angle.

After I do that, 5 seconds later someone comes and sits at the edge of my seat. I turned to see who it was and it was the same construction worker. Something didn't sit right. I mean 70% of the bus is completely empty and the only seat he decides to move to is mine? I figured, I hoped that "Okay..maybe he's going to get off at the next stop..after all my seat is right next to the door" but it still didn't sit right.
Next, the fucker props up his feet, crosses his arms - thereby effectively both blocking my way out AND eating into my personal space all at the same time, and then leans his head back and pretends to sleep. It just so happens every time the bus jolts, his elbow grazes the side of my arm, or every time the bus jerks, he 'bumps' slightly into me.

I'm sitting there..registering my blood pressure rise. I'm getting pretty messed up. My pulse grows quicker and I'm thinking "This is not right...this is not right.."
He doesn't get off at the next stop.
Nor at the next.
In fact, very conveniently his head starts tilting in his 'sleep' towards my conveniently located shoulder.

His stink is choking me now. My fingers are literally ice cold. You read about this stuff happening to other people and you say "Oh I would've done this or I would've done that." but right now all I can think is "How shameless..how depraved can a person get?! How can he do this?? Why would he do this?? I didn't smile at him..I didn't encourage him..how can he have the guts to do this?!!"
By now I feel like I'm going to hurl. Seriously sick to my stomach and a lump forms in my throat.
Even as I type this my fingers are cold.

I finally turn, say sharply and loudly "Excuse me."
He turns and just looks.
I getup with my bag and say quietly "Move."
He reluctantly puts his legs down and I walk off to another seat.

I sit 2 seats behind him and I can't believe what this fucker just did. I mean..who the hell does he think he is? How could he? How could he invade my personal space like that? His stink absolutely clings to me and I feel like scrubbing myself with industrial strength detergent.

Now when I think about it, I could've said something..I could've yelled...just..something to make him feel as fucked up as he made me feel. But I didn't.
Why?
I don't know.

All I know is I've never felt so violated in my life.

I just called...to say...no wait. I didn't call.

I was having a chat with a friend a few days back and we came to the topic of talking on the phone.
It got me thinking about things.

I can't tell if this is a good or bad thing.
I'm the sort of person who'll hear her phone beeping when its battery is dying, shrug and let it die.
I'm completely comfortable with leaving it there, dead, battery discharged, for days.

I used to get into tiffs with friends who would complain because they'd think I was purposely avoiding calls, but here's the truth : My cell phone is almost always on silent mode. Lying in the corner somewhere. I don't pick up calls coz (surprise)...I don't hear the phone buzzing.

Now about making calls. I've been accused of not caring enough to call. I almost never make calls..why? Not because I'm a snob..but simply because the thought doesn't cross my mind.
Yep, it IS as simple as that.

Lord knows I've been accused of being a lazy bum, and lord knows what I do with those 24 hours every day but making calls almost always isn't on the top of my list of priorities.

Does that mean I love my friends any less?
This is just my opinion but I doubt it. I've known people who talk to each other every other day, but take absolutely nothing away at the end of the conversation. I've been one of those people.
I've talked to long lost friends after MONTHS and felt so incredibly fulfilled and content at the end of the conversation.
I'm from the 'too-much-of-a-good-thing...' and 'less-is-more' school of thought (haha SOMETIMES.)

I was told that perhaps I'm a bit scared?
But of what?
To get close to people?
I'd like to think that I get as close to people as I want to, or as far as I have to.
I'd like to think that a phone call doesn't really tell you didley about how close you are to a person.
And I'd like to think that if you're meant to know someone, it'll happen in its own time.


On another vein-
Words are exactly just that- words, at the end of the day. They are thrown around a lot but mean nothing without context.

But that's just me.
What do you guys reckon?
A little food for thought.


In the mean time..a piece I've just finished..I still need to touch it up quite a bit.

Addendum - I was contemplating naming this one 'Knowledge' and then I read the adorable Lil Bohemia's comment (budding artist and daughter of the yummy Miz Bohemia, as you might have guessed). She said "Wow! I like your painting. It looks like she wants to kiss the sky!"

How apt! :)

'Knowledge' it is then.

What have I become, my sweetest friend?*

Reading through this at Faraz's blog, made me recall something that I had wanted to blog about a while back.

When I was in Melbourne in June-July, Arpeeta and I had to go visit Minku, who was staying at an apartment. Now while I depended on Arpeeta for directions a lot of the time, I (and her) were a bit nervous this time around because this route was a previously untravelled one.

We got onto the tram, got off at what we thought was the right stop and proceeded to walk towards what we thought was Minku's apartment.
We must've walked for about 30 minutes until we started to get that sickening feeling- you know the one that starts to creep upon you when you realise the path you've been walking on is like an escalator - in reverse. We weren't getting anywhere. The apartment shouldn't have been more than 5 minutes from the tram stop.

We spotted a tiny elderly lady walking towards us. She was carrying 4 bags of heavy groceries in each hand and looked quite tired as she walked quickly in the cold. Arpeeta walked upto her and said "Excuse me..could you tell me where Number 123 XYZ Apartments are?"
She looked around, thought for a bit and said "I'm not too sure but I think you're probably going in the right direction..the numbers seem to be heading towards your apartment!"
"Thank you so much!"
"Welcome, dear!"

We went our seperate ways, our footsteps quickening with excitement that comes with the surety.
Or so we thought.
We must've walked for another 20 minutes..and no sign of our apartment.
"I think we should walk back..."
Tired sighs all around.

We made the 20 minute walk back and to our surprise we saw the old Lady in the distace - walking towards us, hands still full of grocery bags! She hurried up to us and said -
"I realised while I was walking that I think I gave you the wrong direction!"
I gasped "You walked back to tell us!?"
"Yes, dear I know how scary it can be in a new country and being lost..I couldn't let you girls carry on walking like that!"
"That's so incredibly nice of you! Thank you so much!"
Arpeeta and I must've thanked her a million times over. She told us she still didn't know the right way but she couldn't let us continue down the wrong road.

I was stunned. Completely blown away. To actually be in the presence of someone who would take the effort to brave fatigue, distance AND cold just to come back to tell two complete strangers that she sent them the wrong way...it was..a privilege.
I'll be honest- I would have never done it. At least I don't think I would have. I wouldnt have walked those 20 minutes back.

I compared this small, kind act with the act committed by a man just a few days before - He was completely drunk and walked up to me and Arpeeta and told 'us fucking Indians' to 'go back home'.
Both were Australian, both were worlds apart in the way they thought and both would be remembered by two Indian girls continents away for entirely different reasons.

What about the death camps at Auschwitz? I watched Oprah and her guest Elie Wiesel who wrote the book 'Night' and it bought tears to my eyes. How could someone slaughter their fellow men like that? The victims were told they were going for showers...and by the time they found out the shower chambers were actually gas chambers - it was too late. Their homes, their families, their names and finally their souls were taken- systematically and ruthlessly.

It's amazing how people show themselves to be and what they truly show themselves to be once that thin veneer of civility and inhibition is pulled away and power is placed in their hands.

But how about something closer to home? What about someone you've known for 7 years? I had a supposed good friend tell her superiors at the job we worked at to "..watch out for that girl because she's trouble."
Now I can see the warped thinking behind a white guy wanting minorities out of his land - it's obvious. How warped is the logic behind a friend completely screwing you over, for no rhyme or reason? Don't ask. In fact, I wouldn't want to know. It makes me sick.

Want to know how tiny a kind gesture has to be to be remembered? Something as small as an old lady tapping me on the shoulder and asking if she can brush away the red ant that merrily making its way up my back. Something as small as giving up your seat for an old lady/old man/pregnant woman on the bus.
That small.



The point is - just when you're dead sure you've figured out the human race to be the scum that they're known for being, you get someone like the kind, old lady who does something to reaffirm your faith in people.
The world we're in is filled with people who just aren't ready to give someone a break. Do we need to add to it? We're all out for our pound of flesh and payback. We're all out to make a point - that we want what we want, that we DESERVE what we want, that it's our birthright. We try to convince ourselves that we're more in need of that bus seat than the pregnant lady in front of us.
Yes, I've seen grown men refusing to get their asses off a seat, even when a visibly pregnant woman or a fragile old man is standing right next to them. I hope you feel even more a man when you see me getting up for them.

It's bullshit. What have you done to deserve it? Unless you're in the whole 'creating-and-nuturing-a-life' business, you don't.
I don't know about you guys, but I believe in Karma.

Be someone's proverbial 'old lady' and see what you reap later on.
Trust me.

Oh and the next time you think bout back stabbing someone, think of the mouthful Karma will grab when it comes back to bite you in the ass.

Have a good and fruitful day everyone. Pass it on.


*Title from Johnny Cash's 'Hurt'

..And when the last One falls, when it's all said and done..

Something's been nagging at me the whole day and I only realised what it was just as I was about to go to bed..

It's September 11th.

Be honest- How many of us actually remembered? Why are the memorials shown less and less as the years go by?
For the media and for us as people, I guess 5 years is enough to make any event old news, huh?

It's sad I know..there have been so many more disasters that ought to be remembered - the Gujarat Earthquake, the Bali Bombings..just to name a few, but still 9/11 chills me to my very core.
I am racked with guilt because I can't even remember the date of those other occurences.



God knows how many more Innocents will have to die in the name of pride and obstinacy.


My point of view. I'm not going to apologize or anything.
So there you go.

Innocents/ Innocence - Rest in peace.

Transitions

I've realised something over the past few days.
I've become all about transitions.
It's become like my middle name.

Everything in my life revolves around change. I won't say 'evolution' because that would entail moving onto a higher plane of things, moving to a better place.
I don't think some of my changes are good or neccessarily better, but they are changes nevertheless.

'Temporaryism has been the Black Plague and the Jesus of our age.'
-'Just a phase' by Incubus

I might come off as someone who likes things remaining stable and calm, but the fact of the matter is I like change. I wait for it. I embrace it and I thrive on it. I'll endure the change kicking and screaming, but don't be fooled for one second. I love it.

When I moved to Singapore from Lagos, I still remember the last night there. Friends all around us were crying, my Mom was inconsolable, Dad shed a tear or two, my brother cried coz he saw everyone else crying. I just stood there waiting for everyone to hurry up and get into the car that would take us to the airport (never mind that later on the plane I threw up badly and then fully realised I had left the only place I had called 'home' for 11 years.). Funnily enough when I came to Singapore, I carried about my business like I had been there for years.
It's funny how circumstances and the urge to survive in a place, beat the doubt and fears out of you. You just learn to make do.


Every Sunday my friends and I went to Hindi school ( our chosen second language school and a god-awful waste of a perfectly good Sunday). I made some good friends and some not-so good friends. The not-so good friends and I vowed to be friends through thick and thin, forever and ever. Well that obviously didn't last (it's always like that isn't it?). This was partly due to two things -
1) Friendships aren't supposed to be that hard, and you're not obliged to bend over backwards to ensure everyone else has a good time at the expense of your fun and
2) It's a two-way effort. Like much of everything else.
Anyway then I met Arpu, Mink and Roohi, a few girls I wasn't really close to, and whom I didn't think much of, at first. So is it any surprise that now, 5 years later, we're like sisters? We've had our bad times like any other bunch of tight knit people but we've always managed to sort it out, sans any ill will.
Out with the old, and in with the new.
It didn't take many tears or much drama to move from one group to the next. Fact of the matter is - when one party puts in too much of everything or wastes too much time pointing out what's wrong instead of what's right, the relationship is pretty much doomed.


Ahh and then comes the time when I take a shine to someone special. I'll make the first move coz I'm not the sort who'll beat around the bush much. But if I don't get anything in return, I'll walk on. No love lorn hanging around, no "Please, please give me a chance". It's frighteningly easy sometimes.
It's not pride, dear reader, it's being practical.
Moving on isn't really that hard. There are loads of other single, eligible fish in the sea and hanging around is just too much of a damn drag.
And since we're talking about moving on, there is never any moving back. Call it a defence mechanism or whatever you want, but it just doesn't happen with me.
We learn, we adapt and we move on to bigger and better things. Past mistakes are avoided like the plague - Fool me once, it's your fault. Fool me twice, it's mine.

If I get married tomorrow and I have to move to Timbuktu, I'll whine about how I can't get Starbucks there or how the transport system sucks ass, but I'll go and I'll be damned if I can't enjoy a decent life there.
I AWAYS adapt and I ALWAYS make do- with or without anyone or anything.
Because believe it or not- this whiny brat is a survivor.


Nothing really forced me to write this entry...it's not a barb at anyone..just randomness =)

Actual Thoughts that have entered my head in the past week.

1. Why does my low fat brownie, ironically, taste like butter?
2. Time paradoxes. If I go back in time and say contaminate the timeline by say- accidentally murdering my grandad, then I cease to exist in this time. But if I didn't exist in the first place how was I able to travel back in time and kill my grandad? Think about it and say it with me now "Woah. W.t.f? Woah."
3. What does Kelso think of while he's awake? What goes on in that tiny prefrontal cortex of his?
4. Picturing myself throw an amazingly irritating groupmate off the 4th floor. But not before hitting her over the head with my text book first...and then crushing her with my heels ...then I throw her off the 4th floor.
5. I could quite possibly be PMS-ing.
6. How the hell did I get a full score on a memory experiment of all things!?? Mysteries of the Universe.
7. Why does it seem like I'm the only person who likes drinking an iced 'Banana Mocha'? My friend said it tastes like a laxative. I don't think it does!
8. My lecturer wears too tight pants. It looks terribly indecent. And no, I don't enjoy the view.
9. I think I might actually cry when I watch the last episode of 'Voyager'. I'm a geek. Sue me. (Please don't. I'm not rich.)
10. How some people can be so annoying. I'm being super nice by using the word 'annoying'.
11. Friday is gonna suck ass. Oh that's coz it's my 22nd birthday. What? You thought I was gonna be all coy and mysterious? Hell, NO! Address all cards, bouquets, jewellery to 'Madame Mahima'.
12. I could quite possibly be PMS-ing.
13. I'd love to say I'll have my phone switched off Friday night (what? I have to wake up for uni at 6 am the next morning!) so I'm not disturbed by the barrage (yea, right.) of phone calls and birthday wishes..but we all know I'm far too narcissistic to do that. My phone will be switched on and I will be waiting. Forget to call and you shall suffer the Wrath of Mahi.
14. A tarot card reader at a party said a guy will be entering my life around March/April. I will be waiting. He'd better not be like a cousin brother or something.
15. I am hungry.

Could it be, that Home is where the Heart is?

I just got back from a hindi movie.

"But Mahi, what's so odd about what?"

Quite a few things actually!
For starters, I HATE hindi movies. My friends usually have to drag me kicking and screaming to go watch one. And the movie usually ends with them wanting to hit me because I completely ruin the experience for them, by guessing what's gonna happen next or by laughing at the most inopportune times.


Here's another odd thing - I actually LIKED the movie I just saw.

It's called "Rang De Basanti" (In English it translates to 'Paint it Yellow')
I'm gonna try and not be a spoiler but here goes -
This movie is about the current generation of Indians everywhere. It says what every Indian wants to say, but is sometimes too chicken to say it. It shows what every Indian dreams of being and doing but can't due to circumstances beyond ones control.
It's about how sometimes, you need an outsider to show you what home truly is like- it's beauty and its drawbacks.
The movie is hardhitting yet surreal. In fact I'm surprised the Indian Government even allowed it to run. It's idealistic, its mad, it brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.

"Let's grease the wheel over tea,
Let's discuss things in confidence.
Let's be outspoken,
Let's be ridiculous,
Let's solve the world's problems."
- 'So pure' by Alanise Morissette

I've never been madly patriotic, in fact I'll admit to you right now that I'm terrified of India. To me India has always symbolised 'excess'. India has always seemed to be beyond redemption in my eyes. I don't say this out of malice. I've always looked at it from a detached point of view- like what you see is what you get.
But something about this movie touched me and I think changed me in some way but I don't know why or how.
In a scene in the movie, a few soldiers fold the Indian flag, and as I watched them do it, involuntarily I found myself thinking 'That is the most beautiful flag in the world.'
Believe me, I was as surprised at myself as you are, if not more.

Aamir Khan is a genius. All my favourite hindi movies have starred him - Dil Chahta Hai, Lagaan even Andaaz Apna Apna. But this movie isn't about him and that's what I appreciate, it's refreshing.
It gave relatively new and unknown actors a chance to shine.

One of the actors is this guy, Kunal Kapoor who plays the character 'Aslam' -

Goodness! Isn't he the most beautiful person you've ever laid your eyes on? He looks like he came right out of a painting. Every expression, every movement was so genuine and sincere. It broke my heart.





This movie has made it into my very elite list of 'Favourite Hindi Movies'. It shows me that for every 100 crap movies that Bollywood churns out, there will always be one that blows you away.
There is hope yet.

I suggest everyone- Indian and not Indian, catch it. It'll change something in you.

I guarantee.




I've also been working on my family tree. It started off as my anthropology assignment but it's taken on a life of its own. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I'm learning instead of just studying.

I drew it out recently and looked at it as a whole. Something caught in my throat.
Who would've guessed that an act as simple as drawing the connections between your kith and kin could fill you with such a feeling of belonging.
It was at that moment when I made a promise to myself. A promise that I would keep this tree and update it for as long as I could and try my best to retrace my roots until I couldn't retrace them anymore.



These two seperate occaisons have something in common. They've both made me think very hard about the person that I am. The place I'm from. My passport says I'm 'Indian' but so what?
You see I've never really thought of India as my place origin. Not to say that I've felt displaced but when I think 'home' and I definitely don't think 'India'. But seeing, no- creating my family tree, watching this movie has definitely awoken something in me.
Not patriotism but more like the curiosity to find out more.

And that's always a start.

There is hope yet.
=)


Add-on - Ok I guess I should've mentioned this earlier on in the post, but I'm gonna say it now before I get any comments and diatribes about being untrue to my country and all that - I have never lived in India before. It's always been half my life spent in Africa and the other half here in Singapore. That's what I meant by not thinking of India as home. For me simply being born in a country and having that stamped on my ID is NOT the same as considering it HOME in every sense of the word. And if that were the case indeed then I guess those of us who think that way have a lot of reevaluating to do. I'm not going to apologize for saying that I don't feel particularly patriotic (not yet at least) towards India. Patriotic Indians out there, don't hate me- Give me time.

Carry on . :P