02 April, 2007

Tainted.

*Warning* Really bad language up ahead.


I am SO incredibly angry today.

I boarded the bus today, on my way to the university. I sat next to a lady and since it was quit early in the morning, I started to doze off.
I didn't completely doze off though. Because about 4 rows ahead of me, a construction worker kept turning around and staring. I figured that he was probably looking for empty seat at the back.
I shut my eyes for what must have been about 3 minutes and when I opened them, he was no longer there. I assumed he must have gotten off.
He hadn't.
That bastard had moved to the back, where he had a better view of how empty/full the bus was. You'll see what I mean later.
After a while, about 70% of the people on the bus got off, including the lady who was sitting next to me. When this happens I usually like to move inside, i.e : shift to the window seat and then sit slightly diagonally, simply because my legs are too long and I cant sit facing the front completely..hence the angle.

After I do that, 5 seconds later someone comes and sits at the edge of my seat. I turned to see who it was and it was the same construction worker. Something didn't sit right. I mean 70% of the bus is completely empty and the only seat he decides to move to is mine? I figured, I hoped that "Okay..maybe he's going to get off at the next stop..after all my seat is right next to the door" but it still didn't sit right.
Next, the fucker props up his feet, crosses his arms - thereby effectively both blocking my way out AND eating into my personal space all at the same time, and then leans his head back and pretends to sleep. It just so happens every time the bus jolts, his elbow grazes the side of my arm, or every time the bus jerks, he 'bumps' slightly into me.

I'm sitting there..registering my blood pressure rise. I'm getting pretty messed up. My pulse grows quicker and I'm thinking "This is not right...this is not right.."
He doesn't get off at the next stop.
Nor at the next.
In fact, very conveniently his head starts tilting in his 'sleep' towards my conveniently located shoulder.

His stink is choking me now. My fingers are literally ice cold. You read about this stuff happening to other people and you say "Oh I would've done this or I would've done that." but right now all I can think is "How shameless..how depraved can a person get?! How can he do this?? Why would he do this?? I didn't smile at him..I didn't encourage him..how can he have the guts to do this?!!"
By now I feel like I'm going to hurl. Seriously sick to my stomach and a lump forms in my throat.
Even as I type this my fingers are cold.

I finally turn, say sharply and loudly "Excuse me."
He turns and just looks.
I getup with my bag and say quietly "Move."
He reluctantly puts his legs down and I walk off to another seat.

I sit 2 seats behind him and I can't believe what this fucker just did. I mean..who the hell does he think he is? How could he? How could he invade my personal space like that? His stink absolutely clings to me and I feel like scrubbing myself with industrial strength detergent.

Now when I think about it, I could've said something..I could've yelled...just..something to make him feel as fucked up as he made me feel. But I didn't.
Why?
I don't know.

All I know is I've never felt so violated in my life.

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27 Comments:

Blogger Silvara did the happy dance and finally said..

Hey Mahi,

I know how you feel - taking the train home every day for the past 10 years (shit that sounds bloody long!) You can underestimate there perverts and weirdos that are out there and I have also been subject to that disgusting behaviour. But NOTHING can EVER compare to the last time I went to India. I was about 15 and REALLY geeky looking - glasses, funny teeth etc., so I thought they'd be a fair chance that no guy would look at me there. Boy was I wrong.

One night, I was terribly sick - feverish in fact. I was wrapped up in a shawl - looked the most HORRIBLE I can ever imagine myself to look. My family and assortment of cousins went to watch "Soldier" at the cinemas. I was sitting next to my sister and second cousin and that was all good. About 15 minutes into the film, I felt something poking me on my ribs from the back, really close to my breasts. I had no clue what it was and in my sick state wasn't in any position to investigate. It continued on throughout the movie, and it was really weird this touching. I put my hand back to see what it was finally and found myself grabbing onto SOMEBODY'S fingers! When the movie finished and the lights came on, I turned around, hopping mad (this kind of thing had never happened to me before) and saw it was this greasy looking MAN who not only had been feeling me up but at the same time, my sister as well. I know that feeling of being violated and even now it makes me sick. I wish I had the courage to do something then....like possibly chop off his balls.

7:19 PM  
Blogger The Dude did the happy dance and finally said..

being a guy this hasnt ever happeed to me, but i know a few girls who've faced such creeps and you have my sympathies...
and i know what you mean by the stink, some of these dudes you end up with on the bus are really RIPE!
be cool..
cheers...

8:29 PM  
Blogger .............. did the happy dance and finally said..

you should have hit him.
and made a public spectacle of him.
at least you would have made sure that THIS sleaze ball would never try this again.
hope it never happens again, but if it does, get up and whack that bloody shite.
ya hear?

Grrrr....

9:40 PM  
Blogger abhinav did the happy dance and finally said..

Buddy, no sympathies!

I would have loved it if you would have moved off your seat the moment he pushed in that seat.

I would have loved it even more if you would have stood up and granted him what he deserved most, a tight slap. I know its easier said than done, but I would have been real proud of you had done that.

I know of so many females out here, especially in Delhi, who travel with red chilli powder for such uncomfortable situations. Fortunately our local trains have separate bogies for the females, so its slightly more human there!

Don't take a chill pill, next time I would prefer you taking a bolder step.

~tetracyclops

10:03 PM  
Anonymous MinKAra did the happy dance and finally said..

No babes you couldn't have slapped him coz technically he dint do anything wrong..

Just be wary,..these construction workers are gettin more courageous by the second! Next time, you see him just AVOID!

And take a piece of advice. Always sit on the outside seat coz that way, u are not inviting anyone,..meow!

11:24 PM  
Blogger exclusively_me did the happy dance and finally said..

Just reading abt what this pervert did makes me SICK.
It really is easy to think or say that id slap tht guy and tell him off....but at that moment...u just arent sure what to do..and one tends to give the person the benefit of a doubt...
Violated--I know what it feels like.

*hug*
take care.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Yashika Totlani did the happy dance and finally said..

"exclusively_me" directed me to your blog and im not complaining!! could totally relate to what uv written up there... incidents like these can be pretty traumatizing. Have had my share of fucked up nightmares in the stupid DTC buses... feels like hell. Leaves you feeling dirty and 'impure' for no apparent reason. Pervs like these should be hanged in public... dunno what sadistic pleasure they get in doing such stuff. But what i do know is... incidents like these can leave an indelible impact on fragile minds. Anyhow... forget about it and move on.

12:07 AM  
Blogger DewdropDream did the happy dance and finally said..

Bastard!!! deserves to be thrown down an old oil well with a stick of lit dynamite. They'll get their pay-back someday...

1:55 AM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia did the happy dance and finally said..

When younger I was quiet one too many times and it always, always, always ate away at me... now I don't want any more regrets and I refuse to be vicitimized so I will be damned if I shut up.

The BEST thing to do and the BIGGEST high is to get up and loudly call the attention of all around you as you say exactly what you think of the low life fucker!

I did that in a yuppie part of town in SF when a conservative looking loser rubbed up against me, as I talked to Loverboy on the phone, and said some nasty things. I put my man on hold and yelled at that fucker at the top of my lungs, told every one to watch out for him as he was a total pervert and went off on him some more. He just stood there, frozen in place, not knowing what to do, beet red. So I told him "What the fuck are you still doing here? Turn the fuck around and get the fuck out of my face you..." and a bunch of juicy words I no longer remember followed. Man did that feel good!!!

I am sorry you had to go through that but let the experience not go to waste and use it as something to strengthen you. If there is a next time, don't take it any more sistah!

Glad you came out ok and unscathed though!

1:56 AM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) did the happy dance and finally said..

Reading this made me feel sick. Because we've all been through similar situations where you second guess your instincts and try to give the other person a chance only to realize how disgusting people can be. And under the circu,stances this is exactly what I do. Move away, try to protect myself and my dignity. But I never confront. And end up feeling disgusted with myself. Why? I don't know either.
But here's a hug for you and hope you are feeling better now.

2:10 AM  
Blogger lemonade did the happy dance and finally said..

mahi..the buses of chennai are no different..only here its 10 times worse if thats possible..i've had people their pushing "thingies" (sorry for being so juvenile) towards me..!!! and thats happened to me twice..so i know exactly how ur feeling..some guys are such bastards..!!

3:08 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

silvara - :( thats disgusting..did you and your sis do anything?? these guys dont care what you look like or how you dress..its all about the thrill of the situation...ugh.

the dude - i can still get his smell :S yuck *shudders*

harjee - if this happens again for the second time, believe me i won't keep quiet. im more pissed off now that i didnt do anything.

abhinav - yea...believe me, its easier said than done. i always thought id be the sort to create a ruckus but when you're in the situation..i think terror takes over.

mink - yea...i still like my seat babe haha but yea ill be more discerning about who's around, the next time i move in..

exclusively_me - yess exactly...at that exact moment in time, you really hope and wish the person isnt doing what u think hes doing :( i guess there really are assholes out there in the world. *hug*

yashika - welcome babe! i know..ive heard its a lot worse in india..that actually one of the main reasons im scared about travelling alone there...i dont know if i agree about the 'fragile minds' thing..i mean id like to think im strong, but this totally struck me speechless and senseless!

dewdrop - yea..what goes around comes around and karma can be a real bitch sometimes! he'll get his.

miz b - i tell myself it couldve been waaaay worse! im so taking a cue from you yummy mummy, and im going to yell my normally-composed-ass off the next time.
i hope these low life creeps rot in hell.

m - exactly..exactly what went thru my mind. u drive ureself nuts trying to give the person a benefit of a doubt- 'maybe it was a mistake..maybe he didnt mean to..maybe maybe' i think its more of a self protecting function..i dont know. but yea..i feel crappy..but heres to being more aware and more vocal if (heaven forbid) this happens again.

lemonade - yess ive heard stories about that happening everywhere, but ive heard its worse in a few cities in india..
oh gosh didnt u do anything when it happened the 2nd time?? u shouldve yelled!!! *hug* dont let them get away with their cheap thrills the next time

10:29 AM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Sigh. Us men, we bad!
U need your revenge on mankind!

U can sit next to me on a bus, rub my arm, doze off on me. Try it. It'll make u feel better :P

On a serious note - forget this incident, since u cant do much about the past. Jes decide how you would tackle it in the future. This was a first and the way you reacted is understandable. Dont kill yourself over it. But if it repeats (and I hope it doesnt) and you dont know what to do even then... its something you should feel bad about!

12:39 PM  
Blogger Nath did the happy dance and finally said..

being a guy this hasnt ever happeed to me, but i know a few girls who've faced such creeps and you have my sympathies...

Happens to guys, too. Just not after they grow up.

you should have hit him.
Don't take a chill pill, next time I would prefer you taking a bolder step.

Not a brilliant idea. Creepy and pathetic != harmless.

Retaliation might make you feel better, but serves no greater purpose. It does potentially put you in physical danger. The lack of retaliation is something to congratulate yourself for. It must have taken self-restraint.

I could've yelled...just..something to make him feel as fucked up as he made me feel. But I didn't.

Do you really think that making him feel more messed up is likely to make him act more normal in the future?

2:55 PM  
Anonymous JSaan did the happy dance and finally said..

You shouldna tolerated it even for a few seconds. Let him know right from the get go.

I remember when I had to travel by buses... ick!

Jitender Saan
- I need immigration sponsorship
- darkspace ... where truth is revealed
- Television Addiction

3:56 PM  
Blogger abhinav did the happy dance and finally said..

some ten years back, my sis and two of her friends were standing at a bus stop on their way to school. an oldie (around 45-50 years old) came along on his bicycle, stopped and whistled at them..
they were shocked and surprised. what happened next was one of them hit the guy with a stray pebble, and the other punctured his bicycle while my sister was still in a fit of shock.

believe me, from what i know u (limited to ur blogs), even i wud have thought that u wud have gone ahead and did something to that guy.

prevention is better than cure. this situation can recur, what would u do then? u never know the same construction worker might try something like this on someone else. wouldnt that girl feel violated.

as responsible citizens, it is the responsibility of girls as well as us guys to ensure stuff like this doesnt happen.

try being more proactive buddy. we believe in u!

~tetra

9:56 PM  
Blogger rossoneri did the happy dance and finally said..

seriously, you should've done somethign if not hit him then atlast told him to piss off politely if you wish...

11:42 PM  
Blogger surbhi seth did the happy dance and finally said..

This episode reminds me of some of the bus rides I've experienced in Delhi. Men there are such rascals I tell you... they shamelessly try to do grope or graze a woman's breasts, everytime the bus jolts (and in Delhi... they're jolting all the time!). I've actually seen a woman slap a guy and yell at him... while he acts like he's innocent. And since this happens so often, the rest of the crowd does nothing, like it's the norm or something. But truly, it's every man for himself out there.. and you have to do whatever it takes to take care of your private space. I think what you did was good.. you moved. Had you done it sooner though, you might have been a bit frustrated, but less angry! You think you might be angry coz you might have let someone, for a brief moment, shamelessly invade your personal space, while he was left unpunished?!

2:33 AM  
Blogger AYTIDA did the happy dance and finally said..

am sorry for what happened to you.... people have said it before and i am going to say it again... i think you shouldn't have remained quiet.

but then again i guess you don't even have to make a big scene right away. you could just ask him to leave as soon as he started touching you and even then if he continues, then you can do whatever... kick him on his balls!! call out to other people in the bus or maybe just abuse him with words!!

take care... may all your future bus rides be more pleasant than this one :) *hugs*

6:04 AM  
Anonymous the pooh did the happy dance and finally said..

awww gurl u need a hug ...HUGGGSS

but the truth is there are moments in life where every single cell within you wants to yell ,scream ,kick but not a whisper comes out.. Ive felt it ...so I know how you feel....Its ok ..the guy had the nerve....just watch out next time though ...hopefully there wont be one..

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Hans did the happy dance and finally said..

Tell me abt it...I dunno how many times I think ive gotten molested by freakshows in crowded areas...ie busess....trains...clubs. But i never make a big deal...unless its too blatant or gone too far.
We women... we always suffer this shit.
Do what i do...stay away from crowds...n if there r freakshows ard..BLOCK up the whole seat.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Anil P did the happy dance and finally said..

Yell for all your worth. That should be good enough. And don't wait until it gets 'close'. Anticipate, and react, and react angrily.

6:44 AM  
Anonymous Prashant did the happy dance and finally said..

Hey Mahi,
Have been one of those silent readers of your blog for some time now, but this post prompted me to respond.
Its disheartening to hear these stories and i truly feel sorry that you had to face such a situation. I dont know if you have heard, but there is this thing called the Blank Noise Project that deals with exactly the same issue. It talks of empowering/educating women to take the right step when faced with this on an everyday basis. And from what i hear, it seems this is something that ALL women across the board, across the world have to deal with every single day. Its a shocking statistic and makes all us guys to look like bastards.
The basic kernel of Blank Noise Project is that girls/women should NOT put up with this masculine behaviour, and NOT avoid such situations or dress down or walk way. The *best* way to handle this is to make the other man understand that he is invading on your personal space, and make him regret for doing that. How u do it is upto you and depends on the actual situation you are in - screaming, shouting, hitting back, getting others to notice, whatever. More often than not, the perpetrators are cowards who are used to bullying and getting away with it. They don't really know how to deal with a girl giving it back to them, and are stung by the loss of face in front of the genral public.

Just some thoughts....rest is upto you. Take care. God bless. And a big hug (though i am not sure if you would want that now from a male stranger)

- Prashant

6:44 PM  
Blogger Silvara did the happy dance and finally said..

@ Prashant - the same thoght of mentioning The Blank Noise Project hit me just as I was reading your comment. I have a link to them on my blog put I'll put the link here if anyone is interested. It's a huge cause and even from far away Australia, I fully support it.

http://blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com/

11:35 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

to everyone - thank you so much for your words..it sounds corny but it does mean a lot to me..
to the new readers..im sorry u had to read this as my first post! i do write about happier things i promise :)
yes..i have heard about the blank noise project too...
thanks...and hugs to everyone!

8:01 PM  
Blogger abhinav did the happy dance and finally said..

by the way, the evergreen lazy u!
get back to writing!
~tetracyclops

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

I know it's too bad, in fact,disgusting. But you know, I tell you honestly, there are some women, a minuscule number, who also do the same to young boys.
These women who are in mostly 40s and 50s, I don't know what drives them but they do the same to young ones, may be their idea is some fun or whatever. Those guys who have this experience even once try it again and again. Please try to understand I am just a simple guy and faced this situation and found it too disgusting. I understand that how bad it is when a pervert does that.

5:14 AM  

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