Don't let go

The past couple of years have been quite spiritual for me. It started with a book that got me thinking about a lot of things - God (and I use the term loosely), our connection to one another, faith, belief. I didn't realise it then but the book in itself was a stepping stone to many other spiritual discoveries.

I'm hoping this blog doesn't turn into a debate on whether God exists or not. For me, there does exist an entity that has laid out the grand scheme of things. I don't see myself as a pawn but I do see myself as being given the chance to live, experience, learn, become wiser and ultimately realise that love really is all that matters. I've realised that that entity always provides the right chance for growth, when we're truly ready for it. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I've felt that the coincidences occur in too beautiful a way for them to be...well - coincidence!

Sometimes when I would feel particularly lost I would ask God to give me a sign. Not a sign that would show that I'll get what I wished for, but a sign to let me know that I'll be okay. Up until two years back, I never received a tangible sign but my request was often followed by a sense of being loved. I didn't understand it back then...it felt like an odd sense of comfort and relief ,but don't the three feelings go hand-in-hand? Since then, I've experienced such odd coincidences, talked to such wonderful people and seen such life-changing dreams that I feel like I'm finally starting to get the plot.

Imagination? Delusion? Wishful thinking? I have no idea, but whatever it was/is, it's made me stronger and it's made my life better.

It's helped me deal with one crisis after another simply because I've felt love. Not on a romantic level, not at a platonic level but at a spiritual level. The type of love that's touched my heart, branded it and forever altered my take on life.

We're so used to looking for the fine print or the conditons attached to a good feeling, that we don't fully allow ourselves to accept it, experience it and reciprocate the feeling. I know I have miles to go before I become a better and more loving person, but I feel lucky to be experiencing the change at this age.

Whatever the religion you follow, you can't deny the fact that once we all learn how to give love freely and live with love, the world will change for the better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is how can anyone hurt and be hurt when they love and allow themselves to receive unconditional love? I'm talking about just pure love - toward anyone and everyone, toward a stranger if you think they need it, toward an animal, toward your enemy, toward the world, toward the universe.

Go on....what have you got to lose by trying? :)

Lessons Learnt (part 236)

A lesson a day keeps....one from messing up later on?

We learn all sorts of lessons, every day. Sometimes the lesson learnt can be communicable via word-of-mouth:
"Don't go into that cubicle, the toilet is a right MESS!" (It was. People who leave loos like that need to get their heads flushed. Ladies, DON'T HOVER.)
"Don't watch that movie, it got terrible reviews for a reason." (That's three hours of my life I'll never get back.)
"Don't eat there, we found cockroaches in the food not once, but twice." (This lesson needed to be taught to my friends and I, twice.)

Ah if only all lessons were learnt this easily, no?

More often than not though, we need to go through experiences in order understand the lesson behind it. And sometimes an experience needs to occur more than once.

After all the poop hits the fan, I think it's important to take with you the lesson, and not the emotions associated with the experience. It's not an easy task but I guess there's a lesson to be learn there as well.

The lucky ones are the ones who accept what has happened and move on...but more importantly - who have loved ones to help them through the ordeal.
 :)

Back on the Bandwagon

Wow, look like I totally fell off the bloggin bandwagon! The last post was January 2009. It's been a while, huh? This feels like I've come back to a familiar favourite haunt, only to find that not only has it changed a bit (what on earth are these new blogger featues?!!?) but I've changed even more!

Guess I really did follow my own advice.So much has happened in the past year - a new job, new friends, a new lifestyle and oh yeah............................I'm engaged!

Now, let's have a moment of silence for the hot, gorgeous men who shall no longer be able to experience, first-hand, the excellent, awesome, fantastical flirting skills of The Mahi.
.
.
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Yup, Mahi's in lurve and one *ahem* very lucky, lucky man is in lurve right back! Of course I'll be dishing the dirt on how we met - I've not changed that much, I still like sharing the gossip and let's not forget the true purpose of this blog - I want to re-read this stuff years down the road!

All those blog posts ruminating on what love was....it's very interesting to read those back and try to figure where I went right and where I was wrong (um...mostly wrong than right, as you guys could tell). But all I can say is boy, when fate throws you a curveball...it throws you a curveball!

So I've changed jobs as well! I'm no longer working for a slavedriver who makes me stay till figgin' 4am..I now work for a slavedriver who allows me to go back home at 5.30pm on the dot.
Woot-Wooot! Oh happy day! I get to have a life! I get to see the setting sun! I get to have dinner on time!

Oh, and I don't drink as much as I used to. I know how worrying this might sound to those of you who've followed the blog, but fear not...I still allow myself the odd drink (or 3)

Wow, so much has happened in the past year, huh? :)

The New Year Theory

I have a theory about New Year's.
Or rather, I have a theory about the moment you're in when the old year dies away and the new one is birthed.

Let me explain!

Call me superstitious, call me silly, call me a bread short of a sandwich, call me anything (as long as you call me hehe), but I believe that whatever you do at that midnight magical moment, is what you will be doing for the rest of the year - well not exactly but it sort of sets the tone for the coming months, if you will.

For example -
If you're spending the midnight second with good friends, making merry, then your year is bound to be filled with companionship and love and laughter.

If you're spending the midnight second gorging yourself silly on cake and wine, then, well, you'd better get yourself a gym membership the next year.

If you're spending the midnight second harbouring negative feelings towards someone/something, then you're bound to spend the next year in a perpetually-PMSy, not-so-good mood.

Aaaand if you spend the midnight second making out with some hot guy, then, well, LUCKY YOU.
*Mahi sneaks you jealous looks*

So yeah, you get the point right?
It sounds absurd and ridiculous right?
Well, you ARE reading my blog.
:)


So my point is - if you can, tie up loose ends before the year ends (that's what I'll definitely be trying to do). Leave the past behind, don't fight Old Man Time- move along with him.

And make sure you spend that magical midnight moment with people you love.

Merry Christmas everyone and a very very Happy New Year!
-Big non-pervy hug to all-

Home, Sweet Home.

So I've made a couple of overseas trips this year, in fact I just landed in Singapore this morning, after a super short trip, and I made an interesting observation on both occasions.

Nothing, absolutely nothing (not even chocolate) compares to the feeling of happiness that borders on insanity, that one gets upon reaching home...

...no matter where home might be :)

It's rainin' men! Hallelujiah!

I want to talk about my favourite topic in the whole wide world - Men!

Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't ignore 'em.
Can't live with 'em..can't live without 'em..
And so on and so forth.

I love men...I really, really do. I know, I know sometimes they can be so insensitive and so heartless and so unemotional..but hey, come on..aren't we all like that sometimes?

I have a feeling I'm going to get a couple of rotten eggs coming my way from the alpha feminists, but I don't care! I love my men!
And today, right here, right now, I am going to tell you exactly why.

1) How can you not sit through a badly covered (and then rejected) pick-up line, and not come out of it loving the poor man a little - for trying anyway, even though he knew he stood no chance in hell?
God loves a try-er and so does Mahi.

2) How can you not love a man who puffs out his chest when he notices you noticing him? Any man! Big, small, tiny, thin, whatever.
Mahi gets no sex in her city (too much info, huh?) but she's still rooting for you!

3) How can you not love the feeling of good man's hand on the small of your back? I dare you to dislike it...yeah, I DARE you. Of course this doesn't really count if you're a stranger trying to get fresh.
Mahi, like any starry-eyed woman, loves her heroes but not the zeroes.

4) How can you not love it when a man argues with you just to see you get fired up? How can you not love it that he loves seeing you soooo fake-mad?
Go on..fight the good fight, you great pretender, you!

5) How can you not love the surge of sheer power when you stare down a man much bigger than yourself?
It's like I always say "Behind every good man, is a good woman who's got him by his nuts"
Okay, so I may have just made that up...

6) How can you not love a man who likes seeing you at your most disgusting, saccharine-sweet, cutesy self . Oh don't you dare scoff...we've all done it or tried to and failed! Yea, so other women maybe haters (myself included), but so what.
Meow pussycats, game on!

7) How can you not love a man who's willing to carry that heavy box and do DISGUSTING things like kill a cockroach, but is a total chicken when it comes feminine issues. Want to gross him out? Yell out "Period!" Want him to quickly hang up? Say "I think I'm PMS-ing". Want him to get flustered and unsure? Say "I'm having cramps..Owwwww"
*Mr Burn's style* Eeeeexcellent.

8) Lastly (but not leastly), 2 words - PIGGYBACK RIDES! How can you not a love a man who has the cojones to give you a piggyback ride and still come out of it without a hernia?
Mahi loves her a macho macho man!



If this list doesn't make you realise how much you love men, then *throws hands up in the air* I give up!
But it should.
Coz it's an awesome list.
So there.
(And no, I'm not drunk :P )

From there to here.

There's a strange comfort in opening up to a stranger sometimes.

You don't take each other quite so seriously. You're pretty certain that what's shared now will be forgotten later.
You giggle, you flirt, you laugh, you talk about changing the world, and in those moments neither realises the weight of our giddy-headed words.

And then before you know it, you're exchanging thoughts, forming links, discovering mutual likes and dislikes.
A thought tip-toes around and finally unfurls - words have to be chosen more carefully now.


So the question is, do you yearn for those days when you could throw caution to the wind and bare your soul (or at least some of it) to a stranger?

My answer to that would be a slighty-nostlagic, but a very-sure "No".

Because now, we discover that rather than weight there's depth to every word spoken.

And I'd rather have that any day.

Mirror mirror, on the wall...

Is it possible to feel yourself age by about 10 years, in a matter of days, coz I could've sworn that wrinkle wasn't there a few days ago.

I've been living the saying 'When it rains, it POURS' and I'm not just talking about the blasted weather here.

Mom's been ill and I've taken about a week off work to look after her and it's been exhausting.
There.
I said it.

I love my mom and I hate seeing her under the weather, but wow...you only start to notice your own strained neck muscles, tensed up shoulders, intense exhaustion and delicately held-together sanity when the day is finally through.
Add to the mix the looming possibility of my (already paid-for) holiday plans falling through, a boy with issues that may or may not be because of me and a whole host of other annoyances....and I have my very own ticking bomb just waiting to go off - Me.


Jesus.
What's going on.
I'm sure to everyone else I look the same but I feel like a totally different person altogether.
Biggest thing I've learnt so far? That some things are just better left to work themselves out. You can't control didley.

Let it be, let it be, let it be.

In a way, realising that is such a relief.

In the mean time, all I can do is try... and leave the rest to the big guy in the sky.


Update: Sure, Nelly Furtado sang a little ditty about all good things coming to an end, but I'd love to add some fine print to that - All bad things come to an end, as well :)
Things are looking up.
Thanks for the kind words guys!

Okay, okay so here's what I've gathered so far....

With the imminent arrival of my birthday, it's become harder for me to avoid blogging. I missed not doing a reflection of 2007, so I'm making up for it now.

So true to the title of the post, here we go -

... after joining work in 2007, I learnt more than I've learnt in the past couple of years. And I'm not talking profession-wise. I've learnt people are even more sneaky, contradictory and sometimes more caring than I give them credit for.

... I've seen pure joy in a person's eyes, thanks to me. There you have it. I didn't know how else to make that sound modest haha. The grinning-and-giggling feedback loop it causes is absolutely hilarious.

... I've learnt to say 'No', but nicely and when it really counts. I am, however, still in the process of learning not to feel guilty for saying 'No'.

... I've noticed (a few? some? all?) people are torn between the urge to stand up and applaud you for believing in your fairytale and yet at the same time, can't wait to rip it to shreds. Most of the time they give in to the latter urge.

... I believe, more than ever, in my fairytales and my reality. I'm allowed to have my dreams. If yours didn't work out well for you, then I'm sorry. But I won't allow you to take me down with you. If I have to fall, if my faith has to be shattered, then so be it. Till then.. don't rain on my parade :)

... You have to learn to laugh and let go - of people, of words, of occurences. Not allowing yourself to do so will kill you on the inside.

... Letting go ain't so bad!

... I'm learning the difference between acceptance and resignation.

... Accepting someone for who they are - warts and all, is terrifying but liberating.

... I've become so much more closer to my parents. It's lovely. I'm learning things about their personalities that I never noticed before. I'd have never accepted this, but I guess it's true that they sort of start to move into 'friend' territory once you hit a certain age. I'm lucky coz for me, it was a seamless transition and it was great.

... Growing up is alright. There's a bump in road ever so often and a scuffle here and there. But it's fairly doable :)

(PS - I still hate that Valentine's Day and my birthday is coming up, but I still want to be wished. I'll put that under the '...I'm learning to be more selfish' category, but that goes without saying :P)

Egg-hunting.

While on the topic of seeing many people at the same time versus seeing one person, a friend mentioned something pretty profound that stumped me.

Me: An optimistic person has many many eggs in their basket!
Friend: An optimistic person needs only one egg.


Hmm..
You know..I never thought about it in that way..

Love 101: Love For Dummies.

I may have posted about this before or maybe it seems familiar simply because I've thought about this so often..but here goes-

How do you know you're in love?
(Now I just KNOW some of you are going to go "Awww Mahi's in love" but before you DO venture into that territory, please let it be known that the question was asked out of pure curiosity on my part. Just pure curiosity.)

So back to it.
How do you know?

Do you just wake up one morning saying "Eureka!" (or whatever it is you exclaim when you suddenly get something)
Do you get conked over the head by this amazing epiphany, at some part of your day?
Does it feel different from other experiences that have to do with affairs of the heart?
For that matter, does it feel like every other experience you've had and are you just taking a hopeful stab in the dark?
Do you feel like you're finally home? But if you're the sort who gets along with everyone, at what point does 'Quality Control' come in?

I've seen friends who are in love, and I think I must've asked them this question - How do you know? about a million times, hoping that when the Love Of My Life comes jauntily walking along, I'll be sure not to miss him (that's a huge fear of mine, by the way- missing out on a lost opportunity...yea you learn something new everyday!). Oh, how simple it would make matters if he wore a sign on his head or something.

But for some odd reason I can't seem to remember what their answers are.

Mostly coz I think all their answers are different.

So my conclusion is that there isn't some set equation that explains what Love is.
(I know, I know..there are many sorts of love but I'm talking about 'Love-of-your-life' sorta love)

Which brings me back to Square One : This Love stuff is annoying.
If only I knew how to recognise it, I wouldn't be asking such daft questions and annoying you lot with my incessant babbling.


Have a fruitful weekend ya'll!

The Point of Life is...

...that there is NO point.
No, no I'm not in a suicidal state of mind or anything..don't get frantic.

Maybe I'm just slow on the uptake (we all know I'm not always as quick and witty and smart as I portray myself to be on this blog heh heh), but I'm starting to realise life isn't about One Big Answer at the end of the road.
There isn't any '42'-esque sorta climax (or anticlimax, as anyone who read The Hitchikers Guide the Galaxy would know. If you haven't read it, then "Shame on you.". If you were planning on reading it, then "I'm sorry I spoilt the ending..but read it anyway coz its the funniest book EVER." If you read it but didn't get the humor, then "Tsk, Tsk". If you HAVE read it and did INDEED get the humor, then "Congrats, you're as smart as I am. Pat yourself on the back..NOW.")

Okay back to my point- I think life's about the little triumphs. One triumph is supposed to tide you over till the next one arrives and we hope its bigger and better than the last. And if it's too tiny to tide you over then you sink into a stupor of sorts, secretly waiting until the next triumph arrives. Such is the form that the Opium of Life takes.


And therein ends my chunk of wisdom regarding The Philosophy Of Life.
But don't take my word for it, coz I'll have an entire new (and probably contradictory) chunk of 'wisdom' the next time I have another epiphany/a new crush/completed a new painting.


'Kay I used up like 3 months worth of accumulated brain power over this...I know coz my brain, like, hurts.