Indecent Proposals (sorta)

I have the weirdest tutor.

We were discussing child development and discipline and suddenly he goes:


"If you need any help in making the child ah, feel free to call me heh heh heh."

Now if my tutor had been some hunk with a nice ass and delicious good looks and I've been the first one to say "Number please?"
But in reality, my tutor happens to be a 50 year old, pot-bellied, (sorta) toothless man. Complete with pants below stomach and all.
-Gag-

And I caught him staring at my chest MORE THAN TWICE.

Lech.


Speaking of pervs..
Don't ever go to Clarke Quay when the American Navy (no offence to any Americans, Navy guys or American Navy Guys reading this) is in town.

My friends and I were at a well known club, when a slightly drunk group of them came up to us and asked us to watch their drinks while they went off somewhere. So I said "Ok, sure."
They came back in about 10 minutes, said their thank yews and one of them held out his hand and looked at me smiling.
I was like "Huh. What?"
Then I thought "Ohhh he probably wants to shake my hand. I should do my part as a warm, friendly Singaporean and be nice."
So I stuck out my hand.
And he held it........
and held...
and held....
And I thought "O-kay..its getting weird now." and I tried to pull my hand away.

And then the freakshow KISSES it.
And gives me a drunken smile.

Okay. I'm not THAT friendly, buddy.
-gag, gag, GAG-
"Cheque please!"

We relocated to another club and had another couple of drunk Navy men try and make friends with us.
I swear..we really don't look that friendly. Honest!!!!




Now, why doesn't the same thing happen with me but with sober, good looking men (straight) who aren't looking for a lay?

Desperate House-...daughter?

What a week it's been!

You know, I did a very dry post before this one, read it through and thought to myself "Shit. Even I wouldn't want to read that voluntarily."
So out the window it went!

What's been happening, eh?

Well for starters Mom's in India right now.
You wouldn't believe me if I told you why.
(Once again, the following can only happen with THIS family.)
My mum's friend is going back to India for good. This friend has 2 dogs (both stinky, whiny and totally without bladder control) and 1 cat (far too aloof for my liking).
Now this friend and her husband want to take the animals with them in the cabin.
But here's the catch. The plane only allows one animal per person. So guess who got a free seat to India??

Lucky MOM!

Sheesh. Some people have all the luck. A daughter like me...a free ride to India...bah!


So I'm left to play house with three males who have issues.
My brother has the sniffles. So my dad was like "Let's make him that home remedy that your Mom makes."
I was like "Cool let's do it!"
And we both just stood there...
"Er..how do you make it?"
"No idea, Dad."
"Ok, let's try putting a bit of this...aaand a bit of that.."
My poor brother actually has to drink that.

My dad's become the house-husband version of a backseat driver. I don't have to elaborate. You get the idea.

Kelso has had yet another haircut. I don't know what we're feeding him, but his hair grows SUPER fast! We need to shave his hair off every 2 months!













Before..............................and .............................................After

I could be wrong, but he looks mighty unhappy about the haircut. I had him sitting and just balefully staring at me for 20 minutes before I noticed he was being far too quiet. Of course I had to go cheer him up by telling him he looked gorgeous and I still loved him and he was the cutest doggie in the world.
Men!


Oh I've also had hols for a week. These hols are deviously named "One Week Break" when in fact they're meant for you to CATCH UP on your readings..which obviously means no ones done didley.
All I'm close to finishing is Season 7 of Voyager.
Speaking of Voyager, I think I might be watching too much of it. I actually had a dream I was being assimilated =S And what did I do?
"Uh uh. You are NOT assimilating me." -Ghetto headshake and finger wag-
Stop laughing (and stop thinking I'm nuts).


You know I was chatting with a friend recently and he casually mentioned I'm a lot like Monica from Friends.
I pride myself on being more of a Phoebe, so naturally, I had strong objections.
And then I remembered something..

Remember the house guests? The ones that could have potentially ruined my birthday?
Well, when they had come, they all used the bathroom.
[Slight Digression- I am EXTREMELY particular about bathrooms. Chances are my room, my desk, my cupboard will be a royal mess but my bathrooms will be spotless and sparkling. You know how they say "Judge a man by the shoes he wears"? Screw that. Judge him by the condition his bathroom is in. You won't go wrong.]

So when I needed to use it, I entered and I was stunned. Not in a good way. Stunned in a bad way. Very bad way.

A Great Scene of Devastation met my eyes. It was....horrendous.
There was muck everywhere. There were dirty footprints. Oh god..I can't go on.
Then something snapped in me. I shut the door quietly.
I came out 10 minutes later. My mom came up to me "Where were you?? What were you doing??"
I just pointed to inside the bathroom.
It was clean.
It was beautiful once again.
There was equilibrium.

OH GOD.
I am SO Monica.


One last thing that's been on my mind.
How much do you guys trust your instincts?
How is it that we immediately trust Person A so implicitly and not Person B (considering context, circumstance etc etc was the same)?
Usually I know immediately if I'll become fast friends with them or make annoying small talk and then wait for one of us to f.o. (In this case I'm usually the first one to buzz off coz some people just don't have a bloody clue and still persist with the agonizing small talk..it KILLS me!)
What goes on in our unconscious when it comes to making snap judgements or judgements guided by our 'instinct'?


Just some food for thought..


Enjoy the weekend.......and keep that bathroom clean.

I'm watching you.

My BIRTHDAY post =D

HELLOOOOO!!!!!

=D I'm 22!
I feel old!
Ok, not not really, I merely exaggerate, you know me =)

Gosh, I don't quite know where to begin...

For all my dear lovely blog buddies...thank you so so much for the best wishes..This sounds cheesey but I really feel loved...thank you!


OK, ok let me tell you how my day(s) went-

16th Feb- I got terribly depressed. This is just something that tends to happen a few days short of my birthday, I don't really know why..But this time around it was worse.
My moms relatives had come to Singapore from India. One of them being a 75 year old lady (uh-oh moment no.1). A 75 year old lady who can't walk properly (uh-oh moment no.2). A 75 year old lady, who, upon landing, promptly proceeded to fall and fracture her shoulder (dum dum DUMMMM)
So guess where they stayed? For the 3 days.
Go on, guess!

Thaaaaaat's right.

So needless to say, the mood around the house was pretty bleak. Mom was slightly ill too, so there were no gastronomically exciting preparations either. (Mahi must have her favourite food prepared on her birthday, but she is not a selfish brat, ok??)

So dad came home after work and saw my depressed face.

"Come. Sit here. What's wrong."
"Nothing.." -deep, depressed sigh-
-Nods in an 'Ahh I see' manner - "This is about your birthday?"
"Yeeea...Maaaaybe"
"What do you want."
-small voice- "Chocolate cake"
"Ok, what sort?"
-small voice-"Chocolate Mousse Cake"
"Ok done."
"How come you're being so agreeable??"
"It's gonna be your birthday, so I'll be nice to you for one day =) "

He then told my Mom "P, I'm getting her a chocolate mousse cake tomorrow if you already haven't planned anything."
My mom started smiling all secretively and that's when I knew..I knew.
I was gonna get me some choc mousse cake the next day =D.


17th Feb- At midnight a whole bunch of phone calls started coming in. I felt like a telephone operator!
"Happy Birthday Mahi!!!"
"Thank you, please hold!"
"Happy Birthday Mahi!!"
"Thank you, please hold!"

I had classes the following morning from 8 am to 5 pm..to me this was THE crappiest way to start off a birthday..I'm not exactly what you'd call a 'morning person'. To me waking up at 6 am is just inhumane. It's wrong.
But uni went well!

I'd like to share something with all of you. It was ...unreal.
To cut a long story short, there were quite a few things that could've gone awry but surprisingly, everything went smooth and well...it was like Lady Luck was smiling down on me.
I was in the cab on my way home, and in my mind I said "Thank you God, for making everything go well..Thank you for today.."
And the most amazing thing happened.
A small portion of the dark, rain-filled skies parted at that very moment and the sun shone down strongly on the side of the cab that I was sitting at.
I dont know how to describe it..I felt so blessed ..
I hope everyone experiences something like that at least once in their lives...It's indescribable.

Well, anyway I got home, has some mousse cake (=D)..
Dad was sweet, he got me Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink". It's a book I've had my eye on but never really told him!
Mom gave me some money, my bro gave me a hug (bloody cheapskate!!!), Kelso gave me a lick on my cheek and amongst the many gifts from my friends I got some um..unmentionables!

The nicest surprises were these-
- A phone call from a fellow Blogger whom I feel I've known for ages
- A beautiful beautiful bouquet of Gerberas from another fellow Blogger (if I told you who it was, you'd say "Get outta here!!!!")
- My aussie friend Sheetal stopping over at Singapore just so she could meet me on my birthday!.
- A wonderful email from another blogger (whom I hope will become a regular commentor here) - Phone calls from everywhere!

Since the elder ladies were at my house and since it was my birthday, I touched their feet for blessings and they all started muttering feverishy "May you get a good husband."
I mumbled to myself "Yea I'd better or I'll be one hell of a pissed off girl."
The old lady started telling my mom "I have a grandson...very handsome..he looks like white man!" My mom just gave her a look. I could have sworn she rolled her eyes, it was hilarious!

I then went out with my girls for desert (I say screw that dieting) and drinks (empty calories shmalories) and danced on cheesey 80's music!
It wasn't anything hardcore but it was very very pleasant and comfortable and I went to bed a happy girl..



Whoever said it only goes downhill from here, was wrong. Or didn't have the privilege of having friends like mine.


Thank you all!
Hugs!

My Valentine's Day

Dear Reader,
I am Sad today.
If there are two days in the year that I truly, madly, deeply do not look forward to, its -

1. Valentine's Day
2. My Birthday (17th Feb. Remember it.) [I feel OLD.]

Today is, as you must have noticed, Valentine's Day . (The drawing above is a Mahi original. Serious Buyers are welcome.)


Today is the day single people like me either a) pretend to not give a rat's ass OR b) hide and try not to go out in public alone and forlorn.

Alas, I belong to the b) category. I mean WHY would I wanna be surrounded by couples-in-love, if I can't show off my man too (or lack thereof, in this case)!

It started off as shitty as they can get. My mom fell ill, thank goodness I skipped my lecture (I told her the day before that it was cancelled. It's like I'm a friggin' psychic).

So I took her to our family doctor, a jovial Sardar guy . On our way there, I noticed the Singapore Government tried to spread the Romantic spirit (what with falling birth rates and all) by putting up big, ugly, red plastic hearts, with a company's name in the middle, on every tree.
'Happy Valentine's Day- California Fitness' [ Jeezus. Why the Hell is a fitness centre wishing us Happy Valentine's Day? I don't get it. It's freaking me out.]
'Happy Valentine's Day- Pizza Hut' [ They even have pizza's in the shape of a HEART. What is the world coming to?]

You might think I'm a bit odd for saying this, but visiting my Doc cheers me up immensely. For one thing, he's always greeted me the same way since the past 8 years - "How's my Princess doing!"
Hey don't knock it. I don't get called 'Princess' very often. *small voice* It makes me feel special.

So anyway he started joking about how he got his Valentine's day gift from his wife (complete with actual winks and nudges), the night before.
Cue uncomfortable laughter from my mom aaand me covering my ears and going "lalalalalalala" in my head but with a serene slightly-traumatised smile on my face. I just nod.

"So, Princess" -wink- "Who are YOU going out with today?"
"No one." Dull-ly.
"Aww I can't believe that!" [I think at this point he notices that I really am a bit depressed]
"Oh don't worry! Your time is coming! Look at you, you're gorgeous darling! You're glowing! And anyway if you don't have a Valentine, I'd love for you to be my second Valentine!"
-Mahi is all cheered up now-

We get back home, mom is sick and I get her tea and stuff. I also tell her to take a panadol. Panadol is my answer to every illness. I'm like that guy in 'My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding' who uses window cleaner for everything, from a sore throat to a zit. But you can't use Panadol for zits. Not in a way that I know of (yet).

So later Dad gets home and asks me what I did for Valentine's Day. Which I found rather....silly?
I mean if I really was getting all mushy and romantic with some guy, it's not like I'd tell him! And Dad doesn't usually ask about my love life of all things.If he's anything like me, I thinks he'd just rather not know.
But I told him about my boring, lonely day and he starts sniggering. Sniggering.

"You really didn't meet or get anything from any guy?!"
"You're one to talk Casanova. I didn't see any V-day gift for Mum. And she's sick."
After that Dad was too busy wallowing in guilt to taunt me about my lacklustre love life.

So that was my Valentine's Day. Please tell me yours was as shitty.

I just got this message from Surya (Surya I'm pretty sure you don't mind me putting this up =D )-
"happy anti-valentines :) ...this day is only worth it when you happen to be foolishly in love ...in which case its just another excuse to spend time and money on your lovely"

Yea!
Down With Valentine's Day!!!



If you must know *cough* I take Gerberas, not Roses. *cough*

Actual Thoughts that have entered my head in the past week.

1. Why does my low fat brownie, ironically, taste like butter?
2. Time paradoxes. If I go back in time and say contaminate the timeline by say- accidentally murdering my grandad, then I cease to exist in this time. But if I didn't exist in the first place how was I able to travel back in time and kill my grandad? Think about it and say it with me now "Woah. W.t.f? Woah."
3. What does Kelso think of while he's awake? What goes on in that tiny prefrontal cortex of his?
4. Picturing myself throw an amazingly irritating groupmate off the 4th floor. But not before hitting her over the head with my text book first...and then crushing her with my heels ...then I throw her off the 4th floor.
5. I could quite possibly be PMS-ing.
6. How the hell did I get a full score on a memory experiment of all things!?? Mysteries of the Universe.
7. Why does it seem like I'm the only person who likes drinking an iced 'Banana Mocha'? My friend said it tastes like a laxative. I don't think it does!
8. My lecturer wears too tight pants. It looks terribly indecent. And no, I don't enjoy the view.
9. I think I might actually cry when I watch the last episode of 'Voyager'. I'm a geek. Sue me. (Please don't. I'm not rich.)
10. How some people can be so annoying. I'm being super nice by using the word 'annoying'.
11. Friday is gonna suck ass. Oh that's coz it's my 22nd birthday. What? You thought I was gonna be all coy and mysterious? Hell, NO! Address all cards, bouquets, jewellery to 'Madame Mahima'.
12. I could quite possibly be PMS-ing.
13. I'd love to say I'll have my phone switched off Friday night (what? I have to wake up for uni at 6 am the next morning!) so I'm not disturbed by the barrage (yea, right.) of phone calls and birthday wishes..but we all know I'm far too narcissistic to do that. My phone will be switched on and I will be waiting. Forget to call and you shall suffer the Wrath of Mahi.
14. A tarot card reader at a party said a guy will be entering my life around March/April. I will be waiting. He'd better not be like a cousin brother or something.
15. I am hungry.

Could it be, that Home is where the Heart is?

I just got back from a hindi movie.

"But Mahi, what's so odd about what?"

Quite a few things actually!
For starters, I HATE hindi movies. My friends usually have to drag me kicking and screaming to go watch one. And the movie usually ends with them wanting to hit me because I completely ruin the experience for them, by guessing what's gonna happen next or by laughing at the most inopportune times.


Here's another odd thing - I actually LIKED the movie I just saw.

It's called "Rang De Basanti" (In English it translates to 'Paint it Yellow')
I'm gonna try and not be a spoiler but here goes -
This movie is about the current generation of Indians everywhere. It says what every Indian wants to say, but is sometimes too chicken to say it. It shows what every Indian dreams of being and doing but can't due to circumstances beyond ones control.
It's about how sometimes, you need an outsider to show you what home truly is like- it's beauty and its drawbacks.
The movie is hardhitting yet surreal. In fact I'm surprised the Indian Government even allowed it to run. It's idealistic, its mad, it brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.

"Let's grease the wheel over tea,
Let's discuss things in confidence.
Let's be outspoken,
Let's be ridiculous,
Let's solve the world's problems."
- 'So pure' by Alanise Morissette

I've never been madly patriotic, in fact I'll admit to you right now that I'm terrified of India. To me India has always symbolised 'excess'. India has always seemed to be beyond redemption in my eyes. I don't say this out of malice. I've always looked at it from a detached point of view- like what you see is what you get.
But something about this movie touched me and I think changed me in some way but I don't know why or how.
In a scene in the movie, a few soldiers fold the Indian flag, and as I watched them do it, involuntarily I found myself thinking 'That is the most beautiful flag in the world.'
Believe me, I was as surprised at myself as you are, if not more.

Aamir Khan is a genius. All my favourite hindi movies have starred him - Dil Chahta Hai, Lagaan even Andaaz Apna Apna. But this movie isn't about him and that's what I appreciate, it's refreshing.
It gave relatively new and unknown actors a chance to shine.

One of the actors is this guy, Kunal Kapoor who plays the character 'Aslam' -

Goodness! Isn't he the most beautiful person you've ever laid your eyes on? He looks like he came right out of a painting. Every expression, every movement was so genuine and sincere. It broke my heart.





This movie has made it into my very elite list of 'Favourite Hindi Movies'. It shows me that for every 100 crap movies that Bollywood churns out, there will always be one that blows you away.
There is hope yet.

I suggest everyone- Indian and not Indian, catch it. It'll change something in you.

I guarantee.




I've also been working on my family tree. It started off as my anthropology assignment but it's taken on a life of its own. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I'm learning instead of just studying.

I drew it out recently and looked at it as a whole. Something caught in my throat.
Who would've guessed that an act as simple as drawing the connections between your kith and kin could fill you with such a feeling of belonging.
It was at that moment when I made a promise to myself. A promise that I would keep this tree and update it for as long as I could and try my best to retrace my roots until I couldn't retrace them anymore.



These two seperate occaisons have something in common. They've both made me think very hard about the person that I am. The place I'm from. My passport says I'm 'Indian' but so what?
You see I've never really thought of India as my place origin. Not to say that I've felt displaced but when I think 'home' and I definitely don't think 'India'. But seeing, no- creating my family tree, watching this movie has definitely awoken something in me.
Not patriotism but more like the curiosity to find out more.

And that's always a start.

There is hope yet.
=)


Add-on - Ok I guess I should've mentioned this earlier on in the post, but I'm gonna say it now before I get any comments and diatribes about being untrue to my country and all that - I have never lived in India before. It's always been half my life spent in Africa and the other half here in Singapore. That's what I meant by not thinking of India as home. For me simply being born in a country and having that stamped on my ID is NOT the same as considering it HOME in every sense of the word. And if that were the case indeed then I guess those of us who think that way have a lot of reevaluating to do. I'm not going to apologize for saying that I don't feel particularly patriotic (not yet at least) towards India. Patriotic Indians out there, don't hate me- Give me time.

Carry on . :P

A Very Happy Day and More

Ooo Weee!

I've had a couple of busy busy days- you'll hear about them AND I'm gonna put up a few pictures (Yes, Kelso pictures too :P)

First of all, the lovely Dev came down to Singapore for a few days, so Arpu and I played tour guides...Nah..I lie.. The only place we showed him was Orchard Road and that too because I had to shop (I bought some amazing stuff from Top Shop and Mango. I love Chinese New Year sales.) I know..I'm a terrible friend.

So anyway!
We met up with old friends at NYDC at Wheelock Place (Box, Olio Dome has shut down!!)

The food was delish and so was the company...here's a close up (Yes...with left profile and all)

Ok, you got me. This isn't about close ups, this is about me.

Well it's my blog!







Yea so anyway, after lunch we had nothing to do really, so Arpu and I thought we'd take Dev for Singapore's trademark drink - The Singapore Sling!

I actually thought it was gonna taste like shit, but believe me...it was amazingly refreshing!
New Asia Bar- If you need someone to promote your Singapore Slings, I'm your girl! You can just pay me back with a never ending flow of Slings

Check out the View!

(My foreign friends, New Asia Bar is on the 71st floor of the Swissotel and the floor is a bit tilted to enhance your vertigo-filled viewing pleasure)

Next up, at Clarke Quay (or was it Boat Quay, I can't remember), was an alcohol fuelled night of much laughter, kinky-ly named drinks, crazy music and crazy dancing that (thankfully) none of us could remember much of..but this we do know - we were all in a very happy place =D
This is what one of my conversations with the bartender went like:
Mahi: Hi, What's in the 'Sex on the Beach'?
Bartender Guy : -straight faced- well.....sex...
Mahi : Ha! Seriously what's in it??
Bartender guy : Well....sex.
Mahi : Ew.
Bartender Guy : Kidding.
Mahi : Ok I'll have 'Sex on the Beach'
Bartender Guy: -raises an eyebrow-
Mahi : Don't start.

Ahh there was much more but alas...I don't recall much (you can blame the 'Sex on the Beach' for that.)

Heres one final pic for the Kelso lovers out there...

.....doing what he does best.

=)