Reminiscing Pt.2

I know my previous post already had memories of Australia in it, but after reading Dev's nostalgia-inducing comment to my entry, I just felt that I had to write about whatever he had written about..I somehow had to get it out of my system, coz the way I'm missing Melbourne, is just plain crazy.
Some of these might be private jokes, but please..humor me =)

ds said...
mahima!
some memorable moments:
-john Malcovich

After a drunken night out in town, we returned to Arpeeta's apartment to play charades. Now, being drunk is funny in itself, but being drunk AND playing charades is just plain hilarious coz half of us didn't know what the hell we were doing. One of the movies we had to act out was 'Being John Malkovich'. We had R doing weird bhangra steps (out of frustration) to act it out.

Need I go on?:P

Oh..and we all got home at 8..thats 8 in the A.M. Needless to say, the rest of the day was spent sleeping off a mother of a hangover.

-basic instinct

Again, poor R was chosen to act out 'Basic Instinct'. So he just sat there uncrossing and crossing his legs over and over and over again. None of us could guess it.

At least thats what he thought. =)

-who's the mafia?

Before we played charades, we played this game called 'Mafia'..most would know it as 'Police and Thief' or something like that, anyway its too complicated to explain. Just know that every.single.one.of.us cheated. Big time. And we still screwed up the game.

-who's the FART mafia?

There were 6 of us in the car, on our way back from visiting the 12 Apostles (well..8 and half now) and some nincompoop kept farting every 2 minutes. We were hellbent on finding out who it was..so hellbent that at one point in time, Arpeeta turned around to find 4 people trying to sniff her butt. Yes, it turned out she was innocent and no, we weren't drunk. Our very scientific, CSI-like investigations, included describing the fart (much like how one would describe wine) and then owning up to what you had eaten that day. We also had to describe how it soun- ...oh never mind. You get the idea.

I never did find out who it was. (But it wasn't me, I swear.)

-"hugs and kisses"

At S's place, Dev taught us a game thats like 'Taboo' but in reverse (i.e- u tell your team mates a word, and they have to guess 5 words associated with it. These 5 words must already be in the list that you made before your turn.) I think the word was Kamasutra, and I had to guess a bunch of words..after guessing the usual 'pleasure, orgasm, position, 69..' a bunch of totally rude, bad bad words rushed into my head (like I had a reeeally bad case of Tourette's exploding in my mind and trying its darndest to make its way out of my mouth).

It was all I could do to say 'errrr...ahh..*people looking expectantly*...hugs and kisses?'

(Something tells me I'm going to get a lot of google and yahoo referrals for this post.)

-zygote???

The word was 'pregnant' and me being the eccentric scientist-at-heart that I am, the FIRST word that I shout out is 'Zygote!'..Everyone in room looks at me with the expression that says "W.t.f, mate? Are you for real?"

-unisex bathrooms! ha!

For some confounding reason, I kept walking into Male toilets! The first time was after salsa class, Arpu and I ask Dev where to toilet is and he vaguely points us in the direction ahead of where we were standing.Oddly enough, on the door, there's a picture of a rather manly looking figure. We enter and I pop my head into the adjoining room to see URINALS there...'Must be a unisex toilet..these Aussies!' *shakes head*. Walking out, we find Dev and his friend Sid, laughing. While we had gone, they got a shock seeing 2 women exit from the toilet behind them.

My badluck streak didnt end that day..I kept on walking into male toilets. I don't know why. Anyone care to psychoanalyse that?

-absinth....GRRR!

bottoms-upping Absinth..68% or 78% alcohol..not walking straight 10 minutes later..'nuff said, my friend. Thanks for introducing it to me, Dev =D I could feel all the bacteria and virus in my system,dying after taking one sip of it. It was that strong.

-more than words!

Playing the guitar and singing 'More than words'..what an evening! what an evening!

-left profile baby

A few of us having crooked noses..which would explain we look good with left profile pictures. What would you guys do without me =) *mahi takes a bow, and credit for enlightening everyone*

garlic bread with a fork??

Why the hell is eating garlic bread and pizza with a fork, wrong?!!? I've done weirder things man! I had the mickey taken out of me for not eating with my hands. sheesh.

-Salsa boy

At salsa class, there happened to be less men than women. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that I can now Salsa..MALE salsa that is. I had to play the part of the man and I am now an expert in basic male salsa steps. Buggery.

-ssshhh ramu ssshh! at 6am!

Mink and I only had one set of extra keys to the place we were staying at. One night (morning?it was 6am), I happen to reach home alone, with a bursting bladder, only to realise that a)I have no keys on me and b)everyone at home is asleep except for the dogs. So I'm there, out in cold fumbling for the keys that-were-never-there, and the stupid mutt start barking and howling. "Shh Ramu! It's me! Mahi! You know me! Please keep quite you stupid mutt shhhh!" *puts finger to mouth*. No good. He still continues to howl.

So the fear of having the cops being called on me, grandparents and entire family coming out and screaming at me for waking them up AND being caught in the cold with a full bladder, spurred me into action. I carefully (and very ungracefully) climbed over the fence (wonder how that looked to the neighbours), jumped over to the other side and went into the house through the doggie door. The dogs looked at me like I had gone mental (i probably did look mental..climbing over fences is so very bad for your hairstyle).

Anyway I made it safely back to bed. The next morning everyone wondered why the dogs kept howling at 6 am the morning.

-that low low top you wore on my b;day ;)

this speaks for itself =P The top went a bit haywire..oh well! Nothing that a bit of tape and a safety pin couldnt handle. ohhh boy.

hahha...mahi, and that's just from the top of my head...there are heaps more.
had an awesome time with you mate...miss the laughs we had...and you realy did manage to turn into a blonde while u were here..haha, good work.

thanks for coming - we'll catch up again soon-la. ;)

Ahh meeeeemories

*chuckle*

I left my Heart in Melbourne.

Blowing clouds whenever I stepped out
Being greeted by random people
Getting winked at and not thinking of calling the cops
Meeting old friends, who felt like home
Meeting new friends, who felt like home
Meeting new friends and falling in love with them within the first 2 minutes
Missing home so bad it made me sad and yet, smile at the same time
Finding cuckoo's a-plenty and whispering 'cuckoo!' everytime one raved and ranted
People not thinking I was cuckoo for talking to myself
Taking the tram alone, and wondering if I'd ever reach my stop
Intense, crazy relief whenever I did reach my stop =) (fear of getting lost,remember?)
Relatively cheap, unadulterated alcohol..'nuff said
Getting smashed and laughing at people for laughing at you
Seeing views that took my breath away
Looking like a dumb cluck when my breath was taken away
Singing duets with guitar accompaniment =)
Looking hot in winter clothing heh heh hehh
Trying to imitate that lovely Aussie accent (and failing miserably)
Getting suckered into buying nonsense, by charming Aussie hawkers (and loving it!)
Trying out loads of delish desserts and not putting on weight (ahh bless that cold weather).....



Just a few reasons why I fell in love with Melbourne.
I sorta wish I was back there.....

But nothing beats home.
=)

Live, From Melbourne

This is Mahima, reporting LIVE from Melbourne!

G'day mate(s)!
Ok firstly..i LOVE this place! (Couch Potato, you were so right!)
I know i know..it's only Day 2, but what can I say? This place grows on you..FAST!
It is kinda cold, but nothing that a few layers of clothing can't take care of.

The flight here was not too bad, I found myself a big, nice strong man to help me with my hand luggage ( my hand luggage turned out to be heavier than my actual baggage..sheesh..go figure!), I also managed to coerce him into playing a few games of 'Hangman' with me coz I couldn't get sleep =(

I didn't do alot, just mostly hung out at Chapel St. (shops, cafes, movie theatre) and met up with friends (one of the more prominent ones being Dev, who's a regular reader of my blog, and only just a complete sweetheart!!=P, ) for a movie (War of the Worlds - sucked!) and dinner (Da Vinci's - rocked!).
The stuff here is sorta pricey (compared to Melbourne, Singapore is a shopper's paradise) but on the upside, the men are HOT.
heh heh heh
So you can pretty much picture me walking down Chapel St. (or anywhere, for that matter) with a huge grin on my face.
=D

The people I'm staying with are lovely, the house is huge ( I could SO live here), they have a dog that looks like Kelso (what?!I miss him!). The family is a bit like a comedy show, but that's for another blog.

Ok, ok i'm not gonna bore you with the details.
Take care, I'm off for some lunch (The uncle's buying, so that's fine by me :P).
See yaaaa!

Off to Melbourne!

Well guys!
I'm off to Melbourne today!

I'm actually in the midst of packing, unpacking, rearranging ...u know how it is.

Oh and I'M SO SUPER DUPER EXCITED!!

K take care all!
I'll try and post up stuff when I'm there

Seeeeee ya (mate!)

Queen of the Pigeons

The little girl waited to be sure that her mother had fully dozed off. She couldn't fathom how anyone could sleep during the afternoon when there was so much to do.

It was time to execute her plan. She sneaked into the kitchen, and tip-toed to reach the rice box. Carefully, she opened it (her mother was a light sleeper). Cupping her hand, she took a handful. Slowly, she walked to the balcony, empty hand beneath the full one, one foot in front of the other, slowly, so as not to drop a single grain.

She slid open the door of the spacious balcony of her house on the second floor. She stood at the the wide grills and threw a few grains down. Immediately a few pigeons flew down to peck at them. She carried on until she saw numbers that thrilled her little mind.

Good! I still have some more left!

This time she threw some on the balcony floor. A minute later 2 pigeons flew up and entered the balcony and started pecking. Ecstatically she threw some more. Soon her spacious balcony was filled with pigeons.

Why, I am the Queen of the Pigeons! See how easily the come to me when I call them!

Come to me Pigeons, come to your Queen. I command you!
I must get some more food for my subjects!

She looked around at the busy pigeons, grinned to herself, and quietly slipped out and dashed to the kitchen. Finding the rice box again, this time she let her fingers sink in slowly and then grabbed as much as her little hands could grab. Clutching her rice tightly she ran out to the balcony again, not noticing that the more she tightened her fists, the more the rice spilt out.

The little girl ran in, panting and then dramatically swung her hands above her head, and it rained rice. Everywhere around her pigeons cooed and fluttered their wings.
The Pigeon Queen closed her eyes and stood there, arms outstretched and wiggled her toes in pigeon shit, of which there was now copious amounts. Blissfully unaware, eyes closed, she smiled inwardly. She twirled and danced and did faux-ballerina steps.

Oh, but this was wonderful!

So blissfully unaware was she, that she didn't notice the watchman's kids sniggering at the "pikin who don go crazy". So unaware was she that she did not realise her mother had woken up and was now staring aghast at the scene in the balcony.

"Mahima! What in God's name are you doing? This place is in a mess..Oh my god, there are pigeons in the house too! Come out right now! Oh nooo you have pigeon poop on your feet too!?"

Even though her heart was thumping out of fear from the scolding she was going to get, she calmly sent out a telepathic message to her subjects.

Time for you to go..Fly...FLY!

She fluttered her hands and waved them and chased the pigeons away, trying not to skid on the colourful droppings that now dotted her floor. She looked down and saw the African children holding their tummies and laughing, and she scowled at them, hating them for making her feel something she couldn't quite put into words. Only later realising that it was called 'embarassment' and perhaps, 'shame'.

Her mother twisted her ear and marched her to the bathroom.

But she didn't care. She was now the Queen of the Pigeons.

Only she.

What's up, Doc?

Firstly, thank you everyone, for your best wishes (regarding Kelso's anatomy..or lack thereof)
It warms my heart to know that all of you really do care..

If I could, I'd buy you all a 'Thank you' present, but I'm too cheap.
=D


So anyway, today Mink and I went to the doctor to get us some er..'medication' for our Australia trip. I also happened to tell the doctor I had a bit of a sore throat...

Doc: So my dear, do you want lozenges or a gargle?
Me: Eee...I hate gargling!
Doc: Ho ho ho (he kinda looks like an Indian Santa Clause...with a turban) ! It's a sexual thing!
Most females hate gargling, ho ho ho! Go figure, ho ho ho!

*Cue awkward glances from Me to Mink*

Me: (nervous laughter that sounds like bleating) hehhhh hhehhh....heh.
I'm bleating and Mink has this big fake smile that masks her shock.

This is the guy who's been my family doctor since i was 12.
I love him to bits, but this is almost as bad as my parents giving me the 'birds-and-bees' talk...which, THANK GOD didn't happen..but imagining it was bad enough.


This brings to mind episodes where I've been hit-on by older men (But, please..let me state now, that my doc wasn't hitting on me, in case any of you think that I think I'm just God's gift to men..which I am, of course. Moahahahaa)

I was once doing henna tattoos, with Mink, at this fancy shmancy party at this fancy shmancy hotel. So I'm really into doing the design, when this cheek, old, white guy comes to look at my work.

Man: Oh you're goooood.
Me: (polite smile) Thank you.
Man: Need any heeeelp (leering grin)
Me: (less smiley now) Do I look like I need help?
Man: Oh you look verrry capable (wink)
Me: I'm sure. (politely smiles and refuses to look at him again)


Then f course the OTHER time I was doing glitter tattoos on expats at a company party.

Man: How about here (points to chest)
Me: Unless you want to suffer the pain of your chest hair being pulled out, might I suggest
your arm, perhaps?
Man: I know another hairless place (winks and vaguely points to his crotch area)
Me: (polite smile) I don't think so, sir.


Men.
When will you learn that the only time a girl will glitter tattoo you in 'places-that-should-not-be-named' is if you're lean, mean, hot and rich.

Ha..KIDDING!


sheeeeeesh.

One - Baller.

'Tis with a heavy heart I write this.

I took Kelso to the vet, for his annual shot, a couple of days back. The lady was feeling his tummy and further down 'south', when suddenly she looks at me and says:
"Oh he needs to be castrated!"

I'm like ............


I'm sure all of you know how much I love my dog, and how I think of him as a child.
My little baby boy has only one testicle.
Yes, only one.
The other didn't er..'drop'.

Stop laughing. I demand that you stop laughing RIGHT now.


At the back of my mind, the spirits of my Indian, female ancestors were mourning and thumping their bosoms and wailing about the tragedy that had befallen their little prince. Some even cried about how he must have sinned in his previous life. But I told them to be quiet. Yes, the voices in my head are very much under control, thank you.

Castrated?! Jeez..what a way to break the bad news.
Cow.

You know..I can't help feeling that maybe I did something wrong..that maybe it was somehow my fault.
Maybe I hugged him too hard..
Maybe something got damaged when I dropped him...
Maybe its the food I'm giving him..
Maybe he has to pay for the sins of my past...

Ok, ok i have to stop...as you can see, I'm rather distraught by this whole affair..
Please pray that Kelso's surgery (when I do make an appointment for one, later on) goes smoothly.

I love him..and I hope you do too, regardless.
My brother now affectionately calls him 'One-Baller'.
He is loved..even more so, now.

(If any of you have thought unkind thoughts about my dog, whilst reading this entry, I hope a ball of yours drops off. For the Ladies, may something else drop off.)

***

Ok, so I got a lot of comments (ok ok FINE about 3) in my previous post, about how I should have a party at my place, now that it's parents-free.
So I decided to be a sport, and volunteer my place for a small dinner.

Bad Idea.

In 2 hours, I had chicken curry on the floor, Coke on the floor, glasses on the floor, paper and tissue on the floor (dont even ask me HOW it got on the floor), dog trying to pick up all this shit from the floor...the place was in a bit of a mess. And things weren't helped by the fact that I was having a bad hair day (That seems to be happening a lot these days.)

Do you NEED ANY MORE CONVINCING AS TO WHY I HATE HAVING PARTIES AT HOME?!!?!?!?!?!

Now don't.you.ever.DARE.ask.me.to.host.ANYTHING.at.my.place.

(Unless it's a surprise party for me, in which case I won't have to clean up afterwards.)


Thank you.

Stupid kids with B.O and Cockroach Girl.

My friends Rishi and Nirav took part in a dance competition this afternoon. We obviously wanted to go and support them.
I was TOLD it was in Zouk (Singapore's hottest nightspot)

I was told wrong.
But we'll get back to that later.

So I thought that Zouk being Zouk, would be visited by lots of hot, young, hot-thangs...even in the afternoon..
I mean Zouk is Zouk, after all.
So after spending a copious amount of time doing my hair (wash, condition, leave-in-serum- blow dry, style), choosing the right outfit (one thats casual enough for the noon but still funky enough for Zouk), doing my make up juuuust right, wearing my heels (the ones that make my legs looks ni-i-i-i-ce)...*phew*that took a good 5 hours. Ha..kidding..it took 2.

So my girlfriends and I left for Zouk..and somewhere along the way we realised the event was being held in the Zouk open-air carpark.

Me : Oh bloody hell. It's going to be like an oven there...oh never mind...i can console myself with the fact that there will still be hot people around .
Boy, was I right about that.
So right it makes me wanna SCREAM.

So I sashay there with my heels and funky sunglasses..and i realised things were taking a horribly wrong turn when I noticed that the area was SWAMPED with sweaty...........kids.

Yes, kids.

HOT, SWEATY, STINKY, NOISY, RUDE KIDS.

So me, Arpu and Roohi are standing there, blinking rather stupidly, mouth agape at the scene ahead of us - a huge carpark FILLED with kids in P.E uniforms and a few teachers wearing shorts that no one above 21 should be wearing. Apparently, this event was called "The Milk Run" which was odd coz it looked like the kids had just ran, but there was no milk in sight. I also didnt get why there was a music/dance competition at "The Milk Run".There were loads of 'port-a-potties' around tho.

Of course I was annoyed.
I was annoyed coz here I was with my heels, standing on gravel. My lotus-like feet were getting stepped on by stupid brats ("Stupid kid! Don't know how to say sorry huh!?" yells Mahi, to a kid who's already zoomed off, leaving her in a puff of dust and chipped nailpolish.)
I was annoyed coz here I was looking not-too-bad, and the only people who were gonna see this were pre-pubescent boys who had just begun to show the faintest signs of a moustache and who STINK (STANK?). (Can someone PLEASE educate people on the benefits of deoderant. I was ready to pass out with god-awful smell.)
I was annoyed coz I spent ages doing my hair and now it just looked like it was fast becoming an afro (ok im exagerrating..but you must understand..Im very very touchy about my hair..)
I was annoyed coz the bands that were playing there were utter crap.

It was so bad that whilst they were playing, I was uncharacteristically silent. My friends thought it was probably coz I liked the din. But I was having a silent conversation with myself..trading bitchy comments about the crap bands, back and forth..back and forth...in the heat..crazy, shitty beats reverbrating through my body... drummer sucks..rastafarian needs to take a bath..lead singer is off key but who cares...why is that kid staring at my chest....the people here look mad..too hot..hot...need a drink..always Coca-Cola..need coke..

Until someone snapped me out of my 'reverie'

Yay! Their dance was coming up!
Dance begins...they rock!
Except for this one girl in their group who looked like she was trying not to shit. Or maybe trying to shit. I dont know..either way, I was entranced by her odd, sorta maniacal facial expressions and constipated/diarrhetic dance steps.
Very entertaining. Im not kidding..it was..it made me laugh, despite the heat..it made me laugh crazily. But I must say, I was proud of my boys..they did good.

This is what I overheard, whilst we were sitting around, after the performance-

Girl (to Nirav's friend): Do you eat meat?
Nirav: This ass will eat anything that moves.
Girl (in all seriousness): Ok will you eat a cockroach????

*stunned silence...Nirav and I exchange glances*
Nirav & Mahi : HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

Girl: What?? (then proceeds to delightedly EXPLAIN her 'witty' statement)

I walked away coz I was laughing too hard..
You know the kind of laugh that says- "I'm laughing AT you, you idiot...not WITH you!"

Sigh. The things I've seen..The things I've heard.
I sometimes don't know whether to laugh or to cry and slap the person.

Know what I mean?

***
On a different note, my parents have gone to India for a week, for my cousins wedding.
I actually miss mum's irrelevant comments and nagging at the most inappropriate of times..
I miss dad's sarcastic comments about my flight's of fancy.

Come baaaaaack!