08 July, 2005

What's up, Doc?

Firstly, thank you everyone, for your best wishes (regarding Kelso's anatomy..or lack thereof)
It warms my heart to know that all of you really do care..

If I could, I'd buy you all a 'Thank you' present, but I'm too cheap.

So anyway, today Mink and I went to the doctor to get us some er..'medication' for our Australia trip. I also happened to tell the doctor I had a bit of a sore throat...

Doc: So my dear, do you want lozenges or a gargle?
Me: Eee...I hate gargling!
Doc: Ho ho ho (he kinda looks like an Indian Santa Clause...with a turban) ! It's a sexual thing!
Most females hate gargling, ho ho ho! Go figure, ho ho ho!

*Cue awkward glances from Me to Mink*

Me: (nervous laughter that sounds like bleating) hehhhh hhehhh....heh.
I'm bleating and Mink has this big fake smile that masks her shock.

This is the guy who's been my family doctor since i was 12.
I love him to bits, but this is almost as bad as my parents giving me the 'birds-and-bees' talk...which, THANK GOD didn't happen..but imagining it was bad enough.

This brings to mind episodes where I've been hit-on by older men (But, please..let me state now, that my doc wasn't hitting on me, in case any of you think that I think I'm just God's gift to men..which I am, of course. Moahahahaa)

I was once doing henna tattoos, with Mink, at this fancy shmancy party at this fancy shmancy hotel. So I'm really into doing the design, when this cheek, old, white guy comes to look at my work.

Man: Oh you're goooood.
Me: (polite smile) Thank you.
Man: Need any heeeelp (leering grin)
Me: (less smiley now) Do I look like I need help?
Man: Oh you look verrry capable (wink)
Me: I'm sure. (politely smiles and refuses to look at him again)

Then f course the OTHER time I was doing glitter tattoos on expats at a company party.

Man: How about here (points to chest)
Me: Unless you want to suffer the pain of your chest hair being pulled out, might I suggest
your arm, perhaps?
Man: I know another hairless place (winks and vaguely points to his crotch area)
Me: (polite smile) I don't think so, sir.

When will you learn that the only time a girl will glitter tattoo you in 'places-that-should-not-be-named' is if you're lean, mean, hot and rich.




Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

Women don't like gargling because it's a 'sexual' thing?!

I hope he actually meant 'gender', otherwise I'm stuck with this image of women with revolted expressions frothing at the mouth, blowing spunk bubbles.

3:31 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

jay - i think its a sexual thing ahem..probably sexual AND gender, both

8:24 AM  
Anonymous prema did the happy dance and finally said..

u shld have told him u look like ur men hairy, so u can get lost in them. he wld have gone for a hair transplant.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

prema - not even a hair transplant could have helped his chances.
with ANY female.

3:47 PM  

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