11 December, 2006

A lot of aggro, some motherly pride, some sadness and more aggro.

Hi, I'm Mahima and I think I may have anger management issues.

I've been finding that the tiniest, yet most godawfully annoying things are pissing me off and I'm talking pissing-offing of Hulk-like proportions. (I think I'm even starting to look a little green.)

Just last night my laptop refused to charge. After 45 minutes of checking the power outlet, checking the battery pack, checking the plug thingie at the back of the laptop, what did I do?

I punched the wall and then started bawling like a baby.

My left hand hurts like a bitch.
Yea I used my writing and generally-doing-everything-hand.
Like I said - not.very.smart.
(After ALL of that you'd think my laptop would charge, but noooooo.)

I- The Generally Very Zen and Calm yet Approachable- Mahima.
I- The One that People come to for Advice and Generally Uplifting Conversation- Mahima.
I- The One who preaches about Controlling One's Emotions and not letting them Get the Better of you- Mahima.
I- The One who pours her Heart and Soul into creating lovely pieces of Art (that NO ONE is BUYING) and baking deeeeelicious Sticky Date Pudding with Toffee Sauce- Mahima.

What the hell is wrong with me?
(If you must know 1) No it is NOT that time of the month. 2) The pudding turned out delish and was very well accepted..maybe it's the art. Buy my art or I'll punch you, dammit! And you know I will! Grr!)

Anyway this made me realise a few things.
Not a lot of us are capable of realising what we can do and what results is often a very very unpleasant surprise. So many of us (and I'm not neccessarily referring to me) have our inner demons that we're not even aware of, or maybe are, but instead choose to ignore them.
We spend such a long time building layer upon layer to project what we seem to think is what would make everyone happy and at ease. We spend so much of our lives doing this that we pretty much forget who we really are underneath it all.
Maybe we need to stop trying to cover up and change who we are and just revel in the fact that yea...we do have anger management/commitment/eating/drinking/emotional issues and other such issues that in general make us human.

Chew on that people.

The next time I glibly tell someone I'm not that easy to piss off, I'm going to think back on this episode and instead warn the person that Oh yes I will INDEEDY punch him/her in the kissah and he/she shouldn't doubt it for a second because I have INDEEDY punched a wall before (I wont say 'indeedy' coz that kinda ruins the effect)

Anyway punching someone in the face can't possibly be more painful than punching a concrete wall.

On another note, my little daisy plants are growing!
-Mahi does the happy dance-
This morning my mom called me out to take a look and OH JOY! There they were! about 20-30 of them poking out of the soil with their little green stem and 2 leaves each.
It's amazing how the site of tiny green saplings/seedlings/whateveryoucallthem can have such a calming effect on you.
Woohoo I can't wait for the next 20 weeks!

On a more somber note..Jay of isorule.blogspot.com is hanging up his blogging hat.
His blogs was one of the funniest I've ever read. You'll be missed buddy.

There've been so many times when I've thought of quitting blogging before, but I remind myself why I started it in the first place.
As much as I love reading comments and knowing that people visit this site, it's not really about you guys. It's about me.

I started this blog so many years down the road, I could always visit something from my past (unless evil evil aliens take over this world and COMPLETELY DESTROY THE INTERNET. -blood curdling scream- ) Something that could tell me how much I've changed as a person.
Of course reading how people respond to those thoughts is also immensely gratifying, coz come on if it wasn't I'd just be writing in a tiny padlocked diary. One that my brother can't pick. I hate him. I think I'll punch him tonight.

Anyway fact is..I think I could tie this back up to the previous point - we start something for a right reason and then dress it up and by doing so we carry on doing it for the wrong reasons (if we're using the example of blogging, maybe we start blogging to just see our thoughts on cyber space but then we find ourselves doing it more and more for the comments and visits, this is just a narrow context specific view, of course) and when we find that the comments and visits just don't do it for you anymore- thats when we start losing interest in it.

Sometimes all we need to do is remind ourselves WHY we started something in the first place.

(And please, don't for one second think that I'm talking about Jay. He quit for his own reasons.)

Sigh. The Weather is dark and so is my mood.

I think I'm really getting into this punching thing. It's like the floodgates have been opened.



Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Take it from a guy who has had his own fair share of unarmed combat with concrete structures...it IS pretty stupid and i dont mean that in any insulting way...I hope you managed to at least crack the plaster? its not much but it sure made me feel good when i saw the plaster crack!!

And more importantly, hows the hand princess?

7:38 PM  
Blogger tetracyclops did the happy dance and finally said..

dont worry, these r phases in everybody's life.. beyond first para, i thought it was PMS.. but u clarified it soon..

anger management, try watching "As good as it gets".. brilliant movie, and helen hunt was cute.. there is a dark side in every good guy and a brighter one hidden somewhere in the baddy!

sometimes u do feel that u need to tell them that u r not so goody goody that u project urself to be, or try to project... at those points, remember one thing... this too shall pass!

8:58 PM  
Blogger chitgo did the happy dance and finally said..

i agree with that thought of yours mahi...im very excited that my blog will be an excellent and easily accessible pointer to the pattern in which ive grown/changed/experienced various aspects over the days, months and years....
as chris martin sings "lets take it back to the start"...

awesome on the plants and get yourself a punching bag. release hath no compadre like a sack of sand.....

10:23 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - 2 words : concrete wall.
no cracked plaster..not even a scratch..hello! these are delicated hands of an artist! they're huge hands but theyre *sniff* delicate. ahh its ok..sore but ok..ill survive.
now i kinda wish i had cracked the wall. the punch hurt but it felt pretty damn good!

tetra - ahh who's to say what we're really like man. we censor so much of ourselves. who's to say if it SHOULD even pass? maybe i could really get into the hang of punching things. i should take up kickboxing.

chitgo - take it back to the start indeed, or as i like to say 'KISS principle baby - Keep It Simple, Stupid.'
even now just by reading my old posts, i do notice a subtle change in myself..pretty amazing :)
u know what..maybe i will get myself a punching bag.
now i have a sudden hankering to get myself a bf. go figure!

10:59 PM  
Blogger Strider did the happy dance and finally said..

Yeah,a punching bag should be what the doctor ordered!!

Man do I have a temper! and the one person who tests it like hell is my bro!
what works for me??
no idea... i just grit my teeth and let it pass..

12:05 AM  
Blogger the wannabe indian punkster did the happy dance and finally said..

----cue dire warning-----

If you quit blogging I will come to Singapore and kill you.

---end cue dire warning---


1:40 AM  
Blogger Steven Novak did the happy dance and finally said..

It would seem that we have more in common than our dorky trekdom. ;)


2:31 AM  
Anonymous Grafx did the happy dance and finally said..

ah my gad dont you dare think about ending this blog!! GAH! its bad enough that Jay is quitting!!! * bloodcurdling look at Jay*

sigh. we really need a Jay .
Jay withdrawals are bad.

achcha ok you need to go dancing!! get summa dat strange stuff thats been happening outta your system!!

* backs out with salsa moves*

2:32 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris did the happy dance and finally said..

i've never punched anyone in the face. the fact that throughout my entire life I've never punched one stupid, deserving bitch/asshole in the face demonstrates AMAZING self-restraint on my part.

I bet it would feel SO GOOD too. :D

3:08 AM  
Blogger jedimerc did the happy dance and finally said..

I used to hit people with padded weapons to vent my frustrations... it worked for the most part. But I've mellowed so much recently, it takes some serious frustration to get me going...

On your point about blogging and doing things for the right reasons, so long as the reasons are ones you can live with, then it does not matter. Unless they are really wrong, as in illegal, reasons :)

5:42 AM  
Blogger Edgewalker did the happy dance and finally said..

I liked how you said that those things generally make us human. It's true. I think people that try to hide those emotions are just being fake. Anyway, let me know the next time you go against the wall, I'd like to throw $20.00 down in favor of the wall if anyone wants to bet on a winner?

6:15 AM  
Blogger tetracyclops did the happy dance and finally said..

if u stray into kickboxing, do tell me ur co-ordinates.. i wud stay away! ;-)

11:23 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

strider - i know..thats what i usually do too- grit my teeth and let it pass but lately ive been hit by this phobia that all my teeth might just drop out coz of all that gritting. punching something is SO much more safer! try it! :D

megha- ooooo! *starts plotting blog ending tactics to get megha over to singapore* :D

steve - what? you punch walls and bawl like a baby too? somehow..i can SO imagine that :D
and trekdom is not dorky. we, of a greater intelligence and foresight, are rare. it would do other people good to follow star trek too. pfft. barbarians. all of em!

grafx - yknow..i didnt want to admit this to jay but i loved that kid. he was hilarious :(
waaaaaaaaahhh. why jay WHY.
haha i loved that 'backs out..' bit! ure right..i do need to work this aggro outta my system..hmm i know! ill PUNCH something :D

dawn - i do remember slapping a really rude kid..ive punched my bro tons of times..but punching someone in the face...gosh if it feels even HALF as gratifying as punching a wall..then you should so do it. (but make sure the other person is smaller and weaker than you first)

jedimerc - the reasons are usually okay to begin with man..unless youre one of those annoying spammers! ure mellowed now? trust me. the beast is merely asleep/
and WHERE THE HELL do u get padded weapons from :S

edgewalker - tell you what.. why dont you just throw down 20, buy one of my art prints (imagekind button to my left) and ill film a video about me punch a wall.
hows that :D

tetra - lol. as much as id like to portray myself as this big ol meanie fact of the matter is id be too worried about one of my nails breaking during kickboxing.
so there ya go :(

11:27 AM  
Blogger Nath did the happy dance and finally said..

Thirded on the punching bag. I had one when I was in school, and it really helped me not hit things. Kept falling out of the roof, though.

(Also, get some good gloves and tape. You don't want bruised knuckles and a sprained wrist.)

Anyway, let me know the next time you go against the wall, I'd like to throw $20.00 down in favor of the wall if anyone wants to bet on a winner?

I once had a roommate go mano a mano with the floor bulletin board. Alcohol was on his side, but he still lost.

11:59 AM  
Blogger jedimerc did the happy dance and finally said..

I make my padded weapons :) or did, back in the reputed day, as it were. Used them for live action roleplaying, perhaps even dorkier than being a Trekker or Star Wars geek... btw, I'm a fan of both Star Wars and Trek (um, and Babylon 5 and Battlestar... just sci fi in general :)

4:05 PM  
Blogger abhi did the happy dance and finally said..

Mahi, your art is priceless
And I don't have that kinda money on me

See that's a nice thing to say and the nicest i'll ever get ... now cheer up

4:18 PM  
Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

Aww shucks :) No need to miss me lah, I've quit blogging, not killed myself. I'll still be around.

Sometimes all we need to do is remind ourselves WHY we started something in the first place.

I don't really know why I started blogging, to be honest. I guess after spending ages READING blogs I just wanted my own. I mean, a website where I can talk on and on about me me me and people would actually come and listen... well, it certainly suited my inflated view of my place in this world :)

I do miss it, but it's time lah. I know it is.

-hugs mahi and grafx-

5:59 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

nath - :S im starting to reconsider this punching thing..i love my hands..im not sure i want to get them all bloodied and bruised :S
(or i'll punch you!)

jedimerc - geeeeeeeek! geek! geek! hey everyone! look at the geek!
(psst..star trek rules man. live long and prosper)

abhi - you filthy stinge. i hope the ghosts of christmas part, present and future visit you tonight! even tho its NOT christmas yet.

*composes herself*
im fine. im fine.
aww i know jay..i saw the title and i knew already...
ah well..
heres to closing the chapter on that..and hopefully reopening it a few years LATER WHEN YOU FEEL WHINEY AND YOU REALISE THAT NM WONT LISTEN TO YOU BUT YOUR LOYAL BLOGGER FRIENDS WILL.
you'd better stop by every once in a while okay?

7:00 PM  
Blogger Dan did the happy dance and finally said..

I've been finding that the tiniest, yet most godawfully annoying things are pissing me off.

That statement of yours REALLY pissed me off! ;) Just teasing

Seriously, don't worry about punching the wall. Frustration gets the best of us. Feistiness can be really attractive! Be who you are. Perhaps your anger is the byproduct of trying to be someone else.

In other words, when you say that you should be who you are and recognize that you have an anger problem, I say that if you be who you are you may not HAVE an anger problem.

You're too sweet to stay angry for long anyway. I just know it. ;)

9:25 PM  
Blogger exclusively_me did the happy dance and finally said..

HEY HI ..long time..so I'm not the only one who is irritable and has umm..issues.. Join the club hon.
btw , ur post inspired me...and ive updated my blog. thanks. :)

3:18 AM  
Blogger Edgewalker did the happy dance and finally said..

Shoot... $20 and I get a video of you punching a wall AND art! :)

Sounds like a pretty good deal? Is the art that bad that you need to throw in the perks like that? LOL j/k

7:36 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

dan - i dont know dan..at the risk of sounding cliched, i try and stay true to who i am- if im lazy im lazy, if i'm annoying im annoying yknow what i mean? i try not to make excuses
In other words,... woaaahh..that sounded really smart and matrix-y! :D
awww shucks *hand flop*

exclusively me - hey hey! long time no see..glad you're back to blogging!

edgewalker - dont make me punch you.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Metria did the happy dance and finally said..

Hey I've been in a punching mood lately too! The rage just builds up and then I want to smash/punch something just to let all the anger out. I fantasise about throwing dishes about and stomping around and setting things on fire with bolts I shoot out of my eyes.

But then I play with my dog and everything is all right again. I love my doggie. He's got such a calming effect on me :)

2:02 PM  
Blogger Dan did the happy dance and finally said..

Beautiful new portrait photo Sweetie!

9:02 PM  
Blogger AYTIDA did the happy dance and finally said..


u've been tagged...

10:01 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

metria - ooooh i know JUST what u mean!!! dogs are such darlings arent they? ive never had ONE evil thought about my kelso
(psst ive had the 'heat ray' fantasy too...with just a tiny squint ive reduced so many people to ashes...in my head of course)

dan- thank you luv!

aditya - where have u been? long time no see...and btw blogger beta has screwed with u too..theres no link to ure blog in ure profile page!

4:18 PM  
Blogger sac did the happy dance and finally said..

do take up martial arts! five kung fu classes down, i feel i can take on concrete walls. *punches nearest wall- AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!*

3:32 AM  
Anonymous mInkara did the happy dance and finally said..

dun u dare stop bloggInnnnnnnnn
Its oUr weeklY doze Of HIlarious EntertainmenTTT!!
hehe.//and MahilOts, the punchin,..i think its more fraustration than violence,,...dun worry sweety ill be there b4 unoe it...hehe..take care!!111

5:44 AM  
Blogger AYTIDA did the happy dance and finally said..

heyy... been visiting... just been a little too lazy to comment... nice video posts :) and yeah happy gardening :)

and whats with all the talk of not blogging anymore!!! what are people like me gonna do... this is the only kinda entertainment i get these days!!!

changed the settings on blogger beta... my blog is now back on my profile page..

7:01 AM  
Blogger AYTIDA did the happy dance and finally said..

maybe u shud switch to blogger beta too :p

12:21 PM  
Blogger Scritch did the happy dance and finally said..

hahaha my laptop refuses to charge for more than an hour at best. This is very upsetting. I'm impressed you actually punched something. I just moan and whine and complain like a sissy [non-confrontationalist]

I too have an anger management issue-I'm attracted to angry unavailable men.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia did the happy dance and finally said..

Forgive my tardiness my sweet friend but things have been nutty in the land o' B and well, after this oh so hilarious I am still laughing my ass off punchalicious post I think you understand the bohemian temper and how things can be delayed and put off and well AAAAAHHHH when you don't get to punch all those begging to be punched!

so YEAH Ladee! Punch away! This bohemian stands behind you full force! WOOH!

4:52 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

sac - ouch! dude that sounded VERY painful!

minku - u know i think u were right..i think i was super frustrated i just didnt know what to do! hurry back! arpus here and we're missing u!

aditya - me? switch over to blogger beta? OVER MY DEAD BODY (or at least until i figure out how the damn thing works :P )

scritch - fucking laptops! u know im pretty non confrontationalist myself..i dont know what took over me tho..i think when i punched the wall i was more 'shocked' than 'pained'..of course then the pain took over and i bawled. haha oh yes angry unavaliable men like mr. foz? :P

miz b- believe me yummy mummy..you're actually busy there so uve got a good excuse for tardiness...me? i dont even know how i spend my time and im still getting no work done! my middle name is 'tardy' right now..
im surprised u havent punched someone yet! embrace the rage miz b..EMBRACE IT! woohooooo! =D

12:30 AM  

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