19 September, 2006

Nobody knows..the troubles I've seen!

Hai.
I'm probably gonna burn a bridge here but who cares.


When you stay over at MY place, please, for the Love of God-

1) DO NOT wake ME up in the middle of the night asking for water. Because you will get this reply back: "You know where the tap is. Get it yourself." Come ON. What are you? Stupid or lazy? No one's ever chirpy when they've just been rudely awakened.

2) DO NOT make MY dear, sweet Mother heat and reheat your food/tea/coffee JUST BECAUSE you eat at the pace of a bloody snail. We are not your maids. We do not have maids. We do our own thing here. My mother reheated your food with a smile, because she's a doll. I'll do it too but that frown and the silence wasn't accidental.

3) DO NOT keep quiet like a numbskull when the bill comes. DO offer to pay for your food sometimes. Make the effort. It is much appreciated by someone who doesn't actually earn money and has to waste HER allowance on your half-eaten, expensive food. Which brings me to my next point-

4) DO FINISH YOUR FOOD. ITS EXPENSIVE. THERE ARE MILLIONS STARVING. DO NOT JUST EAT 7 STRANDS OF SPAGHETTI!!!!FINISH IT!!!!!FUCKING FINISH IT!!!!!!! *Mahi pops a vein*

5) DO NOT spend 45 minutes trying on two tops that are exactly of the same design but are of a different colour. You see a top, you like the navy blue one, then take it! Don't kill my brain by trying the navy blue one and the moss green one 6 times over. Please. It gives me murderous thoughts. Murderous thoughts that involve you, your death- by strangulation- with the moss green top (Because moss green DOES suit you. Idiot.)

6) DO grow up. Do not lust over someone for 8 years. What are you? 13? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

7) DO NOT...I REPEAT- DO NOT insult my friends in front of me. Good, sweet Lord. Don't make me slap you.

8) DO NOT looked shocked when I ask you to pay for your own movie ticket. Money doesn't grow on the tree in my balcony. Gotit?

9) DO get your ass up and LEAVE if 9 out of 10 people want to go somewhere else. Do not be a bloody spoilt brat and insist on staying on. Have you no manners at ALL?


I had a guest over.
As you can tell- It was fun.

Labels:

28 Comments:

Anonymous jups did the happy dance and finally said..

omg what a pain!

i love burning bridges.. it's that feeling of "glad that fuck's outta my life"

but seriously, are you too nice or what!

8:00 PM  
Anonymous roohi did the happy dance and finally said..

hhahaahahahahahahahahhhaa..once again...good one mahi...good one!

8:52 PM  
Blogger Mint Chutney did the happy dance and finally said..

It's funny how some people are just oblivious.

I could hear myself saying each and every one of these.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

jups - i was so so so livid with rage at the amount of disrespect she showed. i am TOO fucking nice. i have to stop it!!!

thanks rooooohi :P

minty - i sometimes wonder if theyre oblivious or just great pretenders. with indians u truly never know.

10:07 PM  
Anonymous sheetal beetle did the happy dance and finally said..

OMG Mahi! YOU POOR THING :)) I so know how you feel but look at it this way...at least you don't have to deal with a COMPULSIVE LIAR who thinks she's God's gift to mankind...and you still have to be nice and ask, "would you like a cup of tea" when all you wanna do is boil her with the tea ....Freaking Hell it is Freaking Hell.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Medha.. did the happy dance and finally said..

Hehehehe!

That was funnnnnyyy.
Cant stop laughing!

=D

11:10 PM  
Blogger exclusively_me did the happy dance and finally said..

amazing read mahi..but dont get offended cos...i cud relate 2 everything ..yep i soo dislike bin bulaye mehmaan and the likes

11:36 PM  
Blogger Harjee Kapur did the happy dance and finally said..

hahahaha....
mahi, how come you always get the pick of the litter?
brats or bibos... mahi got the catch of the day :P

11:43 PM  
Anonymous MinKu did the happy dance and finally said..

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA..mahi you get funnier by the minute,...its sooooooooo Hilarious;..esp the strangling part & how u know every shopowner, every salesman in plaza singapura and suntec..U 4got to touch on her amazin sleep routine when she was on a damn holiday,...God, u mus b soooo happieee when u finally left her in the airport,..even though it was at 5 am and ya beauty sleep was interupted YET again...HAHA...

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Dawn (webmiztris) did the happy dance and finally said..

you see, this is why I avoid people at ALL COSTS! lol!

12:54 AM  
Blogger aditi did the happy dance and finally said..

Don't we all just love having house guests? :)

1:42 AM  
Blogger Devil with the green eyes did the happy dance and finally said..

Oh my gawd, you poor thing! Sounds like the guest from hell! Another option instead of strangling her could have been smothering her with a pillow. As you can tell, I've had horrible guests too :P

But not you ah! I remember our crazy sleepovers and the crazy recordings we used to do. Wanna do a TOTP one anytime soon?

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Swapna did the happy dance and finally said..

I can so relate - there are just some people who make you so mad. They just don't know the basic rules of courtesy...

8:18 AM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

mahi, the following points refer to you:
-number 5
-number 6

btw, who was it that came over??

8:54 AM  
Blogger Raindrop did the happy dance and finally said..

Your guest from hell sounds like a brat! I always end up being too nice as well. I really piss myself off when I put up with rubbish.

9:27 AM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Seems more like you are making notes to yourself.

10:05 AM  
Blogger GettingThere did the happy dance and finally said..

Heh! So you got one of those? It was a funny read but at the same time I could also picture your frustration. I hate such guests - and they seem to be everywhere! Like cockroaches. Haven't had one of those in quite a while though. Thank goodness!!

"...the frown and the silence was not accidental..." I loved it!!

12:45 AM  
Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

Well, I don't think you're necessarily burning any bridges by posting this - unless the little parasite reads this blog. And I can only imagine that's a good thing.

That said, you're too nice. It should never have gotten to the point where you can write such a long list.

7:19 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

sheetal - i was laughing my ass off at 'when all you wanna do is boil her with the tea' i could so imagine that for some reason!!! i feel terrible for you :( my ordeal lasted 10 days..ures has been what 3 months??

hehe thanks medha

exclusively me - thanks babe :) she was a nice enough girl...but her manners were quite terrible and it spoilt what could have been a potentially lovely reunion

harjee - its my luck man..told u..im flypaper for weirdos..whats a bibo btw??

minku - LOL oh my how could i forget the bit on how i got to know every single shopowner!! ugghh dont remind me abt the 5 am thing...do u know her flight got delayed by TWO HOURS?! yep. we found out AFTER we got to the airport.

dawn - i WISH i could do that. u think i volunteered for this!?!:S *mahi nurses her popped vein*

aditi - yup. i love em as much as a zit on my nose.

devil - thank GOD u clarified that it wasnt me!!!! :D of course i remember the sleepovers..i miss them so much! ohhh btw i met ure mom and dad at a book sale..they look amazing..they havent aged a bit! ure dad told me he wrote a sequel to 'the monster in mahima's mirror'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D i totally *heart* your parents!

swapna - ure new here arent u? :) welcome! some people totally need a 'courtesy for dummies' book!

dev - screw u!!! i dont waste that much time when i shop..and I DID WARN YOU BEFORE HAND. and hello? i dont lust after people for 8 years. im having enough trouble finding someone lust worthy for more than 10 seconds!

raindrop - tell me bout it. u start to think 'damn i could have said this' or 'damn i shouldve put less sugar in her tea'..but this stuff only enters ure head AFTER they leave. BAH!

Apoo - seems like youre dumb :P i am an excellent guest. i clean up after myself. i offer to pay. ihelp with the chores. i spend time with the family. ask sheetal if u dont believe me!!

getting there - :) thank u! u know whats funny..ive noticed its only the indians who are guests from hell. why ?? i dont mind guests but they should know that they have to behave too!

jay - yea people kept asking what would happen if she read it..but i dont give a rats ass anymore..ive HAD it. i know..i know..im too nice. but what to do..i cant tell her off to her face coz i was mostle the one showing her around..we slept in the same room..things would have been verr-r-r-ry uncomfortable!

3:37 PM  
Blogger vaidehi did the happy dance and finally said..

OMG that sounds like the houseguest from hell! :( Sounds like if you can survive her in all her moss green glory, you can survive anything! Go Mahima! :)

3:45 PM  
Anonymous IdeaSmith did the happy dance and finally said..

Family, I would guess since you had to put it up on your blog instead of just smacking him hard across his face and kicking him out? My heartfelt sympathies....

7:17 PM  
Blogger abhi did the happy dance and finally said..

c’mon mahi, embarrass that dangling crap outta the doodies who did/do this..

... on your next post ... Name the flaky dude(ttes) I say

8:29 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

vaidehi - tell me about it! how jolly old england treating u??

ideasmith - bingo. family is the word...if there were to be no repurcussions id have told her off right away

abhi - no yaar..thats being malicious..im just glad it was only for 10 days!

10:40 PM  
Blogger sac did the happy dance and finally said..

heheh.. 9/9 there.. may be a mile off but my guess is your guest is from bharat mata? la motherland tends to make people grow used to the concept of maids and paid-for bills...

6:13 AM  
Blogger Silvara did the happy dance and finally said..

LOL....at least it was only for a few days - what about those guests who come for a "holiday" and the next thing you know they're moving to your country, in the SAME neighbourhood, because they had *such* a fantastic time at your place...??? Urgh

8:02 AM  
Anonymous faith did the happy dance and finally said..

oh no mahi...what if your guest reads ur blog?

6:53 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

sac - bullseye my friend! yes she is from the motherland (no not england :P the OTHER motherland) ughh these people need to be SHAKEN!

silvara - good lord did that happen to you?! you poor thing!

faith - then she'll know that she needs to have more manners :) it can ONLY be a good thing

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Faith did the happy dance and finally said..

The thing with guests i hv had is they give very similar troubles too.. but when i go over to their place...they too do everything for me.. i guess thats their mindset..guests should be treated like royalty.


But ur guest does she wait on you when u go over to her place also?? or er...isit one way?

1:27 PM  

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