03 January, 2006

That Discovery-Event Crew-Teacher Chick? She's Hot.

Well I hope everyones New Year is off to a great start!

Today was the last day of work for me, and I know I whined like an idiot about it but I really started loving that place!
Everyone from the office chipped in and bought me a lovely necklace and a pair of earrings ..and then asked me to wear it, and then said I looked like a Princess.
It takes so little to make me happy, its almost sad!

But you know as I was sitting at my desk and surfing er..working, I thought back on the other jobs I had before..
There was the job from hell. This ended badly- a bad shoe bite and a broken friendship.

But before that there was the nicer job - As a substitute teacher at my old secondary school. All the teachers recognised me (seriously..how can you forget someone like me :P).
There was one teacher in particular who always had like REALLY bad breath..you know the sort of breath you have when you don't brush your teeth and then say "Hmm let's see..how can I make my breath even worse? Oh I know! I'll have some fish..or should I have raw eggs? Oh what the hell! I'll have both!"

So I went to talk to her about the job and I was talking (trying very hard to not come within breath-smelling distance of her) when she suddenly interrupted me with a wave of her hand "You're very beautiful you know" and then stared intensely at my face.
At this point, memories of this lady giving my best friend a traumatising smack across her bum popped into my mind.
The only thing going through my mind at that moment was 'Oh please don't touch my bum, please please dont touch my bum.'
But she didnt, so PHEW.
So after that she asked me to get her a file from a high cupboard and while I was trying to reach it, she says "I never noticed before but you have very nice legs..."
-cue nervous laughter from Mahi-
"Heh..heh heh...heh....thanks Ms D."
-frantically pulls skirt to make it look longer while Ms D's back is turned-

So much uncomfortable sexual innuendo later, I finally got my timetable, marched upto the Secondary 1 (that's 7th grade for my non-Singaporean friends) class and entered.
Slight digression - Remember those bitchy teachers who'd make you quake in your boots the minute they entered? Yea? Well, it was MY turn now.
"Stand. And greet me."
-Mahi turns back and writes her name on the board (with a great flourish at the end)-
The class just sits there..
"Gooood morning Miss R."
"Good Morning. I have work for you to do. There is to be no noise whatsoever."
-Class starts mumbling..noise level rises-
"Seriously. You guys are thirteen. Do you think you could handle keeping quiet for 5 minutes? No? Apparently not. Ok 2?? Try keeping a lid on it for two minutes..I won't ask more of you."
Aaaand there was blissful silence for the rest of the period.
Oh I had 'em quakin' alright!

I know...I'm terrible .

But I got my comeuppance.
Next class I was minding was another Sec 1 class. It was Math period and they had nothing to do.
Mr K, my Sec 1 Math teacher walked in and said "OK, let me teach them something since they have nothing to do."
"Now girls...this is a pawallelogwam. The formula for calculating the area is.."
Suddenly he stops, turns to me, gives a small smile and says "You had trouble with this, remember?"
Holy SHIT, the guy actually remembered that I had problems with area and volume calculations!!!

Oh and unfortunately for me, the Literature teacher whom I got demoted (it's a long story) was still around..and if looks could kill I'd be dead, chopped and my body pieces would be scattered across Singapore, by now.

Being there on the other side really put things in a whole new perspective for me. I realised you have to be SUPER dedicated to teaching to actually envision yourself doing this for the next 10, 20 , 30 years.
Also teachers need to get a life sometimes.
(To the teachers out there reading this, I'm sorry I know this sounds like a sweeping statement but I've had a few teachers themselves tell me that joining the teaching profession is an extremely efficient way of killing your social life.)

So anyway, this is what I learnt:

1) Teachers aren't dumb. They know you're smsing someone/reading something/doing something you're not supposed to be doing, under your table. If you don't get caught, don't congratulate yourself..you didn't get caught because they couldn't be bothered to catch you.
2) Teachers DO gossip about students. They do it alarmingly often. The gossip is as mean as it is in any other place or in any other situation.
3) Don't go to the school counsellor with your problems. You're better off telling it to someone who won't gleefully tell the next teacher she comes across. I hope this was just a one off case at the school I was at.
4) You know that teacher whom you think is always out to get you? Yea..you're not being paranoid. She IS out to get you.
5) Staff toilets are way cleaner. Because they get cleaned more often. Also, the toilet paper gets replenished more often.

Woo got a bit sidetracked there..

I know I promised photos in my previous post, but I realised I look like crap in the Xmas pics, so...I'm not putting any up =)

So how was everyone else's start to the year?


Blogger Miz BoheMia did the happy dance and finally said..

Goopy, goopy, goopy.... That about sums it up for me!

You? Not look good in pics? P-shaw girl! Come one, take some hot shots and prove yourself wrong Sweet Lady Mahima!

It is good to wield some power! Back home in San Francisco Gold's Gym was one of the places I taught in. I used to have huge, burly gay men come to my classes. I used to make them sweat and work it! They suffered my friend, oh yes! And oh how I rejoiced!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaa!

*bohemian laughs an evil laugh and floats away into the distance*

3:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

I can see you at the front of glass, wielding a crop. Very grr.

I live in the vast hope that none of my teachers remember me. Not true. Sigh. I worked with a guy and it took me 2 weeks to realize that (a) he was the dad of THE hottest guy in high school. Wow. Saw him (school mate) run by during rugby practice when I was doing sports med and his friends yanked his shorts down. It's forever emblazed on my head that Trevor has the best ass...ever. And those little shorts...mmm.mmm. Where was I? Right, working with a guy. Point (b) that his wife was a teacher I knew (I never got her...bummer). There receptionist was all "Yeah, L's wife is a teacher." I blinked. "Mrs. C is his wife? Trevor is his son?! Does Trevor ever come here for lunches with his dad because...damn...he's hot. Like super hot. Like...kill you in a heartbeat he's that hot." Saw Mrs. C. It's weird her husband is L to me but she's forever Mrs. C. Receptionist laughed then went and told L everything. EVERYTHING!! Alas, Trevor never came to have lunch with his dad. Bummer. I could have yanked him into the board room to do delish things to him.

I still remember those little white shorts that kissed his ass beautifully. I still get hot and bothered when I see a purple & gold rugby shirt. Well, and when I pass the old high school field. But his ass was brilliant. Perfectly round. Nice thighs. But that bum. Mmm.mmm. Scrumptious. And he had these intense brown eyes. He actually blushed when he stumbled past my friend and I as he hiked up those little white shorts. Granted we were grade 10 and he was 12. It was the best damn moment of high school. I mean...wapow...there was his ass. Unfortunately the angle was wrong to see anything else. The bugger twisted his body to hide the goods/jock strap. Bummer. That would have made my life,

Did I have a point to this?

4:09 AM  
Blogger Leigh did the happy dance and finally said..

Hmmm...well your promise for some gossip sure came through lol~! I'm with Miz B., let's seem some pics!

You are so right about teachers... I am friends with too many of them ;)

5:35 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

aww yummymummy i read your post! i felt for you..when i read about the crashing shelves my face literally went like this :|
ughh okok i'll try and find some of the nicer ones and ill put em up..but no promises :P
no wonder we get along so well! we both like picking on people not our sizes! =D

jenna- i know! ooh i like that phrase 'very grr' can i use it??
But his ass was brilliant. Perfectly round. Nice thighs. But that bum. Mmm.mmm. Scrumptious
lolllllllll woman u got it BAAAAD! i've never heard an ass being described with so much tenderness and love :P

leigh - aww most of the teachers im friends with are real sweethearts...like 90% of them...the rest are just weird like eggy-fishy-lady-with-lusty-looks-in-her-eyes...ack! u want pics too...oh lord the PRESSURE!!!!!

10:24 AM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

"you look beautiful you know"
"you have such nice legs"
"smack me on the butt"

Go ahead Go ahead... market yourself some more... never know when price charming could be reading this!

Sheesh... u r sooo much of yourself :P

2:51 PM  
Blogger Casablanca did the happy dance and finally said..

Oh... and I thought I'd get to read some more dirt on some more of the jobs you've done.


4:12 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

apoo - ahhh but u love it! u said so yourself remember?

casa - i cant bitch about my recent work colleagues...theyve redeemed themselves in my eyes (buying me earrings and choc cake redeems anyone in my eyes :P)..and yup there is more dirt about the previous jobs, spesh the job from hell but i figured if i wrote about it i'd just be bitchy and stuck on it (which im not!)

5:01 PM  
Blogger Drops Of Jupiter did the happy dance and finally said..

Ahahahaha, my mom's a teacher!


Happy new Year, misslonglegs!

(Seriously..you tall girls...hmmphh!)


5:25 PM  
Blogger Drops Of Jupiter did the happy dance and finally said..

Jenna.. you're on fire woman! I am loving the hot descriptions here!

My dance instructor wore little black shorts. Very nice indeed!

5:28 PM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

Now, stop making things up in your desperation... dont find any appreciation so u start imagining people being in love with yaself? Not good not good....

Mahi needs a BF.
Any takers?

7:01 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

jups - teachers are sneaky arent they??? what was it like having a teacher as a mum?? hey if its any consolation i hated being this tall for a long time (but i like it now :P)

apoo - i dont find appreciation?! joke karo cho? and who said anything about anyone being in love with me? uh-oh looks like you're the one who's starting to making things up in his head :)
not good not good apee!

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous did the happy dance and finally said..

Perhaps I will pull a Paris "That's Hot" Hilton and try and trademark "very grr."

It was a nice bum. I remember it now...17 years later. That number just stopped my heart. Good. God. Mouths to the monitor "17". I need a drink.

10:56 PM  
Blogger AJ did the happy dance and finally said..

OMG teachers gossip about students too? I always thought they did but discounted the idea cos I was sure they had BETTER things to do with their life..

I was wrong huh?

2:23 PM  
Blogger Kay Richardson did the happy dance and finally said..

Cor. I bet you do have nice legs and all.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Drops Of Jupiter did the happy dance and finally said..

Ah..it's not too bad!

Except if you fuck something up even mildly, they'll bring up a thousand instances of some worse fuck-ups to compare you with.

And they always know...ya know?

Jenna--17 years.. must have been some juicy ass!

5:54 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

jenna - what if...his bums all saggy and stuff now

aj - u and every student in the world! they claim theyhave better things to do and they do! but theyll still make time for a spot of goss!

kay - my my welcome back! i dont know...u judge - 'mahima and the goblet of alcohol'

jups - dayum...i reckon if my mum was a teacher id be a paranoid wreck by now! kudos to u jups!

8:01 PM  

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