Love Actually?

Of late, I seem to be entering a lot of conversations with my girlfriends about (surprise surprise!) men. This wasn't your random 'bitching-guy bashing' type of conversation...

No..as my friend(s) and I discussed issues about the male of the species, it dawned on me that forever gone were the days when we'd make random, airhead comments like "Uh! WHAT a dickhead!" or "I hope he gets an STD." or "Let him go, if it's meant to be, then he'll return." and blah blah blah.
No, it seemed to me like we had made a progression of sorts..
Pure spite and malice was now replaced with genuine, honest-to-god curiosity and perhaps confusion. Crude comments and bottomlines were now replaced with carefully thought out analysis (most of the time).


For example, my friend asked me about 'hate'. Why did an ex suddenly spit out the fact that he hated her, this RIGHT AFTER asking her, rather wistfully, about why they had ended.

Five years ago I'd have simply said "Coz he's a dick and girl, you can do better."
Now, I mulled over it and said "Let's think about hate. Why do people hate? I personally think it's for two reasons. Reason no.1 being, that you see yourself in that person. The person symbolises everything you despise in yourself or everything that you're scared that you'll become." I myself dislike a certain someone coz in her, I see everything that I know I'm capable of becoming. And it scares me. Had circumstances been different, I would have probably become her. Fear begets hate..we all know it.
"Reason no.2 is that you know that no matter what you do, you'll never be able to earn back that persons love and respect and maybe even friendship. Despising the person, then, is just an easy way of distancing yourself. It gives you a reason to pull away. It's not always a justifiable reason, but it IS a reason nonetheless."
You see, we finally got it. It wasn't about wanting him back, it was about sympathising and understanding what made him tick. And suddenly my friend wasn't so angry anymore.



Another example is a friend who's been going through a rough patch with her man.
He doesn't call to confirm plans, whatever irks her- he makes light of and he makes her meet him wherever and whenever he wants . Forget about meeting her when SHE wants..it's almost always out of the question. What's his excuse? "I'm lazy."
Laziness is fine. I'm all for laziness coz I'm the laziest person on this planet.
BUT when you're in a relationship, that's just not a good excuse to use...even I know that.
"Sorry, but it looks like you're more into him, than he is you. And he knows it."
I maybe wrong..but I may also be very right. Once you're done being in denial about his faults, seeing the wood for the trees becomes easier and less painful.
We've all seen it so many times right?


But on the bright side, a lot of these guys actuallly DO have a conscience and me being the eternal optimist I am, theres always the hope that they will learn and become better people.


But for now, they can make their mistakes in their own time.
Sure you can be nice and hang around, be their emotional buffer and help them along.
Sure at the end of the day you might have become the crutch that they could not do without.

But at the end of the day, chances are high that they will outgrow you or vice versa.

And being outgrown sucks.



There wasn't really any point to this post, just random ruminations that I thought I'd share..


[I know there are a few of you who will comment about me being wrong, talking b.s or about how I'm a plain ol' saddo case with no life. You may be right. But too bad for you this is my blog and no one's putting a gun to your head and forcing you to read :) Oh also, I hope your crotch gets infested with the fleas of a thousand camels.]