05 August, 2005

It always come back to bite you in the ass.

I reckon every now and then, the universe likes to use me as its entertainment monkey.

Case No. 1

We're in the 10th grade, and its geography period. The teacher walks in. I forget her name now, but she was tall, had short hair, wore horned rimmed glasses and thought she was the bee's knees...the cat's pyajamas..u get the idea. She also liked to flash her wedding ring, with a huge mother of a diamond in it. I couldn't stand her.

"Well class, I have your geography test results. All of you did fairly O.K, except for one glorious person who managed to get.. 1 upon 40."

The entire class gasps. I turn around to Arpeeta and say "Haha! Wonder who the dumbass is. That's so hilarious! Who could be THAT dumb?! Must be freaky-girl-who-dances-around-in-polka-dotted-bra."

One by one, the teacher calls out individuals to collect their paper, most of them folding their paper in half, coz HEAVEN FORBID someone might sneak a peek.

My 'haha-you're-a-shmuck-and-I'm-not' mood slowly descends into mild panic when 39 students have been called up to collect their paper...me. being. NOT. one of them.

39 gasp.
1 jauntily walks up to the teacher.

"What?!Me??" I give a happy grin. Hey, any publicity is good publicity (or something like that)
"Ohh boy heh heh heh..um..we don't need parent's signature for this...right?" I continue to grin annoyingly, despite my truly dismal marks.

Teacher just looks at me, as if she'd like nothing more than to hit me over the head with her Geography Teacher's Guide book.

Case No.2

Mink and I are one of the first few people at the luggage belt at the Melbourne airport.

"Mahiiiii I think I see B. Can I pleeeease go out and see him." She bobs up and down like a spring on caffeine.
I look at her like I want to clobber her for even ASSUMING that I'd want to lug two 25kg bags off the luggage belt, onto the trolley, all by myself.

"No you can't you cow!"

One of the first few bags to come out is a blue Polo one (the trolley type).
"Mahi, Mahi! Is that yours??"
"No..mine doesn't have those straps at the back."

The blue bag makes about 80 rounds. I think I grow a grey hair. Crickets start making that noise they make. Governments rise and fall. People come and go. Minakshi and I are still waiting...for my bag. She got hers almost immediately.

"Are you sure that's not yours...I'm going to check the tag."
I'm quietly panicking, thinking of all the clothes I'll never get to wear..thinking of law firms that can successfully sue the pants off these airlines for losing my bag...thinking of the shampoo I'll never use..the hot shoes I'll never wear.....thinking...

"Mahi!!! You IDIOT. The tag says 'MAHIMA R, SINGAPORE' "

The remaining people and staff at the luggage belt look at us lugging the bag that made about a 100 rounds, and you can almost hear them thinking 'Well, why didn't they pick it up earlier?'

I could have SWORN those straps weren't there when I left Singapore.


Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Its not so bad being a monkey dear!...I've been one for all my life and i think its pretty cool!...mostly cos nobody else does...emmm...actually, it does suck...I feel so alone now... :(

After reading your post a 2nd time, I dont feel so bad anymore, cos i know im not the only monkey around :)

PS: Hoo hoo! do i get a trophy for 1st post again huh!? huh?! do i?! do i?!?

9:49 PM  
Blogger APOO did the happy dance and finally said..

"I could have sworn those straps were not there..."

"I could have sworn that low neck top was not so low neck before..."

"I could have sworn I didnt fart..."

Do I see a pattern here?

11:04 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - being a monkey aint all that bad =) i enjoy it sometimes..
that and someones obviously been sneaking you some coffee. not good. not good at all.

apoorva - you're just asking for it mate. watch out. this means war :@
having said that...it DOES look like things are always messing up for me,doesnt it (except for the farting bit)..damn you universe! *shakes a fist*

11:42 PM  
Blogger Mint Chutney did the happy dance and finally said..

My dad thought he lost his black suitcase and promptly went to yell at anyone and everyone associated with Air India until my mother reminded him it was a medium blue one.

1:19 AM  
Blogger Jay did the happy dance and finally said..

I am ALWAYS - and I mean ALWAYS - the last person to collect my bags. Every time I stand at the carousel I'm a hopping, praying, hand-wringing bag of nerves.

Minty: LOL

1:34 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris did the happy dance and finally said..

are you blonde under that dark hair, Madame??? lol!!

don't fret - it's not you...I bet the airline personnel put those straps on there to fool you! Bastards, they are!!

3:41 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

mint - HAHA! that's hilarious! u know, my dad does the same sorta thing all the time..i guess thats where i got it from :(

jay - why're u always last? do u check in really early? does the universe have something against you too? ahh too many questions...too few answers..

dawn - oh. my. GOD. its SO funny that u should say that...EVERYONE back in melbourne used to call me 'blondie'. :P
in DS's words - "Mahi, you've become a blonde! Are you always like this??"
Me - "No..I think it's the weather..I'm the brains of the group back in Singapore"

10:58 AM  
Blogger iyer education did the happy dance and finally said..

i would prefer to know your marks in "hindi"... more importantly of the subject (if any) which had hindi words written in english...

i guess i havent got you too confused?

12:05 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rumpy - welcome! oh trust me. u dont wanna know my hindi marks..i couldnt even speak it until we got zee tv. now i'm an expert at spouting dramatic one-liners.

1:00 PM  
Blogger couchpotato did the happy dance and finally said..

My entire family is bad at recognising bags. Wasn't a problem last time because an aunt of mine had forced us to tie huge, embarrassingly red ribbons to identify them!

Not that it was the only set with red ribbons, though! ;)

2:02 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

haha! my mom wanted me to put huge ugly stickers on the bag...
"Mom! Puh-leese..like I'm actually gonna forget what my bag looks like."

2:16 PM  
Anonymous ds did the happy dance and finally said..

its called KARMA mahi...what goes around, comes around (and around, and around, like a baggage carousel).

the two situations are clear examples on how lazy u can be!! next time just study/lean over and read the tag mahi and the universe isnt really that cruel. (it has better things to do with its time & space).

3:29 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

dev i told you mate..i dont remember seeing the straps :S i even cleaned my bag before leaving singapore and THERE WERE NO STRAPS!
OK fine..i do admit..i didnt study for the test :P
and YES ..the universe has its eye on me COZ I'M SPECIAL.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Nope, this ia me witout the coffee dear! :)

Special huh?
01) Walking into mens restrooms...
02) Having tendency to sit on audio cd's...
03) Not recognizing your own luggage...

Yup, you are special...no doubt bt tat! :)

Bt seriously, its an honest(but funny!) mistake, it happens to the best of us...us monkeys that is.... :)

11:34 PM  
Anonymous prema did the happy dance and finally said..


12:04 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - i sat on a dvd...and it still works, might i add. haaha this happens to me alot! my lifes a comedy of errors :(

prema - look whos talking :P

12:16 AM  
Blogger Grafxgurl did the happy dance and finally said..

Yeeks... am right there with YOU!! lol....i have aton of wires all connecting to something random under my desk at work and i swear to god... i WILL NOT LEARN!! my foot always gets caught in one wire and then i get up to go somewhere and i find my face 2 cms away from someone's shoes....and its happened..SOOOO many times.. am wondering if i should just SIT on the floor!!

1:06 AM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

I stand corrected!

Betta a comedy thn a tragedy my dear!

And its Sat. wat the hell are u doing at home!...me, i have an excuse, actually, 2!...Im working and im an idiot...what excuse do you have!?!

1:41 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

grafx - i feel your pain..literally..i have a buncha wires under my desk too...BAM! NOT a pretty site i tell ya! =D

rajesh - its been a slow day man! im in heaven watching my star trek dvd's =D

11:43 AM  
Anonymous garfy did the happy dance and finally said..

Awww... I agree with you. There are some who repeatedly tempt fate and fortune and yet the universe doesnt make them fall flat on their face!
And then there are some who hope and pray that just one single day of their life should go widout having to face embarrassment...but its just not meant to be!

Oh and ditto here for the marks.. except it ws maths! :|
The bag one, I shall just wait for it to happen to me!

4:55 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

garfy - welcome! *serves garfy some lemonade* ahh yes...but u know..i reckon we make the world a little more interesting, yes?
and i no longer fear what fate has in store for me...instead i laugh in the face of adversity and i say "bring it mate...BRING IT."

if that doesnt work, i just pretend nothings happening and start humming a cheerful tune.

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Well, what can I say...gotta love a woman who is Star Track fan!...Beauty as well as good taste!...btw, how are you with Star Wars and LOTR?

10:54 PM  
Blogger garfy did the happy dance and finally said..

=D Cho chweet! You are definitely the best hostess! :)

Of course we do! My frens never fail to remind me how discussing my life with their parents/relatives/neighbours has brought smiles to many otherwise grumpy souls!

I do fear it still though... not good especially when it involves professors, prospective employers, etc.

11:37 PM  
Blogger Madame Mahima did the happy dance and finally said..

rajesh - star TREK honey star TREK..im not too keen on star wars..i kinda sorta maybe hate it.
haha..LOTR is good in my books tho...loved the movie!

thanks garfy! *takes a bow*haha yea..i guess being one-of-the-more-interesting-ones is good for recreational purposes...but u gotta watch your back in the real world!
which is why im gonna be a kid FOREVER! =D (age shmage...age is just a number)

12:12 AM  
Blogger garfy did the happy dance and finally said..

Hey thats exactly what I thought - I would refuse to grow up but then there are higher forces at work I tell ya!
And watching your back never helps... the person you are mocking and making fun of eventually somehow happens to be right in the hearing range! :|
Growing up sux! :(

12:35 AM  
Anonymous Rajesh did the happy dance and finally said..

Err...tats wat i meant, was just checking to see how observant you were..yeah, tats it! :P

Cool, a female LOTR fan, u are special indeed my preciousssss!

PS: Age IS just a number! Always remember, Age and maturity are not synonymous!

2:03 AM  

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